Alfie in the Snow

‘I did, earlier.’ He turned to go, then he stopped. ‘Dad, she’s really not going to get better, is she?’ His eyes were full of sadness and his whiskers seemed to droop. My heart broke and I wanted, so desperately wanted, to give him the answer he needed to hear, but of course I couldn’t.

‘No, son, I don’t think she is,’ I said, heavily. George, to my surprise, came up to me and nuzzled into me.

‘What about you? Are you going to leave me as well?’ he asked, his voice small.

‘No, son, not for a very long time,’ I replied and I crossed my paws and hoped, prayed, that that was true. No, actually I knew it was true. I wasn’t going anywhere. I wanted to reassure him, but I didn’t want to lie. ‘You know, George, I would never leave you willingly, and nor would Tiger mum. She has no choice but I’m still here and, for as long as I am, I’ll always be right by your side. I love you, son.’ I nuzzled him and I felt his sadness through his fur.

As I watched George go to find his favourite chair to nap in, I felt my heart breaking for him all over again. I would be around for a very long time – don’t ask me how I knew, but I did – and I would give George as much strength and courage as possible. That was what parents should do for their children, after all. That and try to keep him away from the scary old man at the end of the street, of course.

Chapter Nineteen

It was pouring with rain but I had promised myself that I would go to see Dustbin to check that all was well with Aleksy. Unfortunately I had heard nothing new; the situation, according to George, via Hana, via the door, was the same. George was being a supportive friend and their regular through-the-glass-door chats were helping her, he believed. I was trying to let George feel grown-up so I didn’t intrude but I told him if he needed me, I would be happy to help. He was enjoying his friendship with Hana, although he was getting frustrated about not actually being able to see her properly or always hear what she had to say. That issue was already on my list, however. I felt that perhaps if I could get Hana and George face to face, it would help him through a tough time. I would have done anything to make George feel better about losing his Tiger mum, and though I knew that getting Hana out of the house wouldn’t do it, not nearly, at least it would be something.

What I hated most about this situation was the feeling of helplessness. I was a cat who fixed things, who fixed hearts, who never gave up, but here there really was nothing I could do. If the vet couldn’t fix Tiger, then I certainly couldn’t, and I hated that feeling. My heart was going to break, as was George’s, but I was powerless and that made me want to yowl in pain. All I could do was to be there for everyone, and that didn’t seem to be enough, although it had to be.

‘George,’ I said, finding him tracing raindrops falling down the window with his paw.

‘Yes, Dad?’ he replied, but he didn’t turn around.

‘I know it’s raining but I have to see Dustbin, Aleksy business. Do you fancy coming with?’ There was a pause as George, head tilted, seemed to be mulling my offer over.

‘No thanks, Dad,’ he said eventually. ‘It’s quite far in the rain and I have to visit Tiger mum and also go and see Hana, so that’ll keep me busy today.’

‘Alright, son, I’ll go on my own. If anyone needs me, let me know when I’m back later. I’m going to try to say hello to Tiger on the way, as well.’

George let out a big sigh. ‘OK Dad, see you later.’ He returned his attention to the raindrops, indicating our conversation was well and truly over.

Feeling like I wanted to say so much more, but unsure what, I waited a few moments before turning and heading out. Typical that I had to choose a day when the rain was beating down, although the grey sky matched my mood. But, never one to wallow, I went to Tiger’s house. There was no sign of her and I butted the cat flap with my head, but it didn’t move. Her family had locked her in again. Was this because she had to go to the vet? Or was it something even worse? My heart started beating fast as I made my way to the front of the house. I looked at the bottom window and there was Tiger, lying down. I jumped up onto the windowsill and she saw me. She looked frailer than ever but she managed to raise a paw and I did the same. Like George and Hana, we managed to exchange a few words, most of them lost in the wind. Her family was with her, in the living room, I could see the lights on, the fire blazing red, and they were sitting on the sofa. I gazed at Tiger and mouthed, ‘Goodbye’, as I reluctantly left her to lay down her head again. I just hoped it wasn’t going to be the last time I saw her. I hoped that every time, but I could feel her slipping away from me, and I knew that losing her was imminent.