Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

“Why, you remind me of her. She was your ancestress, you know. So it obviously worked out rather well.” The Castle’s voice was nostalgic. “Lovely woman. Master Dagon and she were so happy together.”

“Wait a minute,” Moloch said. “My grand-nana used to scare us kids with stories about the Skull Queen of Skral if we got out of line. She’s a…she was a real person? That whole ‘souring of the mountains’ thing…that really happened?”

The Castle sighed. “Very happy indeed.”

Agatha looked tired. “Why am I not surprised?”

Moloch stopped briefly, and watched as Agatha moved ahead. He clutched his load a bit tighter. “Is she…” he whispered, “a lot like her?”

“Ah, it’s too soon to tell,” the Castle replied conspiratorially. “But I do have cause for hope.” It continued, “So, this Gilgamesh. He is Klaus’s sole heir?”

Moloch shrugged. “That’s what I’ve heard, but what do I know?”

“You would be astonished,” the Castle admonished, “with what people ‘like you’ know. I know that I no longer am. The Wulfenbachs never were known for producing large families. A pity.”

Agatha reached the bottom of the stair and spun around, her face almost glowing in the dim light. “I cannot believe this! I hardly know him!”

Moloch realized that she wasn’t arguing with him, and wisely kept silent.

“What’s to know?” the Castle asked. “His family is powerful. His Spark burns bright. He’s already taken with you…”

“But—”

“And you cannot deny that he has a magnificent death ray.”

Moloch had thought that Agatha couldn’t possibly be any more embarrassed. He was wrong.

“That’s…” She shivered and her voice came out in a conflicted little gasp. “That’s hardly a basis for a stable, long-term relationship.”

The Castle continued. “Heh heh heh. All of the Wulfenbachs have been known for their oversized machinery, you know.”

Agatha had the feeling that the conversation was sliding out of control. “I’m sure I hadn’t noticed.”

“I mean, look at that Castle Wulfenbach. What exactly are we trying to say here?”

Moloch looked confused. “Well, it’s obviously—”

“Is there a point to all of this?” Agatha shrieked.

The Castle paused. “Why, yes. A young gentleman and his attendant have just slipped in through the Phosphorus Gate. I was wondering if he was yours?”

Agatha’s heart gave a thump. “Is it Gilgamesh?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him. He’s not throwing lightning around, but that’s not—”

Moloch cleared his throat. “Tall. Fit. Aristocratic. Weird hair.”

“Nice hair,” Agatha snapped.

“It’s hard to say,” the castle confessed. “They are wearing stealth cloaks, and they are proceeding with extreme caution, which is why they are still alive. Well…barely alive.”

Agatha felt her chest grow tight. “What did you do?”

“I? Nothing. They are in a dead zone. All I can do is observe. But there are independent guardian systems in the area.”

Agatha looked wary. “Independent guardian systems? What, like those flying things?”

“Similar,” the Castle confessed. “But I no longer control them.”

Suddenly Moloch froze and dropped his bundle. “Wait! Are you talking about the Steam Cats?”

“Technically, they’re called ‘fun-sized mobile agony and death dispensers.’”

“Geargrit, no!” Moloch moaned. “Those things are almost impossible to kill!” He slid down the wall until he collapsed onto the floor. “We’re finally in an area where nothing is trying to kill us and now she’s going to drag me along while she commits suicide trying to rescue her crazy boyfriend from a bunch of unholy killing machines!”

Agatha sighed in exasperation. “He’s not actually—”

“And if I don’t go along,” Moloch yelled, “you’ll amuse yourself by squashing me like a bug! I’m doomed either way!”

“You have a remarkably astute grasp of the situation,” the Castle said with a grudging respect.

“I’ve been around way too many Sparks,” Moloch sobbed.

“And yet, even after dealing with them all, you are still alive,” the Castle pointed out.

Moloch raised his head in surprise. “I…well, I…I guess I am.”

“Amateurs!” the Castle sneered.

Moloch looked beseechingly at Agatha. “Come on—can’t you just find a new boyfriend?”

But Agatha was already running. “Hurry!”

Almost five minutes later, they topped yet another stairwell. As they ran, Agatha’s mind raced.

“So how do I beat these things?” she asked.

Moloch groaned. “You can’t! All you can do is get to a place where they can’t reach you. They’re really strong, really fast, and really well-built.”

Agatha considered this. “Are they really smart?”

The Castle answered. “Without me controlling them? Not very.”

Agatha grinned. “Okay, I can work with that.” She looked at the closed doors. “You could take them out, right?”

The Castle paused. “Yesssss…”

Moloch perked up. “Hey! I get it! Lure them out here and the Castle can smash them for us!”

“Destroy my own security systems?” The Castle sounded shocked.

Agatha cleared her throat.

“Oh, very well, but I’ll want them repaired later.”

“Holy smokes,” Moloch marveled. “That is a good plan.”