Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

Gil nodded. “I do have an idea,” he admitted, “but it’s a bit desperate.” He signaled to the others and then took off in a slightly different direction. “The only uncertainty,” he muttered, “revolves around just how much my father actually cares about my physical well-being.”

They rounded a corner and Gil gasped as Krosp’s claws sank into his head. Behind him, the remnant of the crowd that had kept up shuddered into silence and began skidding to a halt at the sight before them.

A full squad of Wulfenbach troops filled the street: two dozen troopers armed with rifles, their bayonets glittering in the light from the surrounding fires. Three of the tall brass trooper clanks, armed with machine-cannons, loomed behind them. Bringing up the rear was a gigantic green-furred monstrosity wearing a set of goggles and a tall plumed hat.

At the head of this assemblage was Captain Vole. When he caught sight of Gil, his mouth split open in a fang-filled grin. He pointed dramatically at Gil’s chest with a clawed finger. “Hokay, brat! Hy haff been charged by hyu poppa mit collectink hyu, end escortink hyu beck to Castle Wulfenbach, vere hyu vill be safe!

“Hy haff been also told dot Hy ken beats der schtuffinks out uv hyu if hyu giffs me teeny veeniest problem. Hyu gots dot?”

Gil turned to Krosp, Zeetha, and the others. A small tear trickled from his eye. “He really does care. This is perfect!”

Krosp flattened his ears. “How is this perfect?”

Gil spoke rapidly. He could feel the blood coursing through his head. It was perfect! It would work! And he could help Agatha… “Here’s the plan. I’ll escape from this fool and then let everyone see me entering the castle!”

Krosp’s jaw dropped. “Are you crazy?”

Vole nodded matter-of-factly. “Yez! He iz in de madness place! He iz capable uf ennyting!” He turned to the green behemoth. “Sergeant! Take him out qvikly!”

“Yes, this will work,” Gil said with confidence, his voice rising with the excitement of a Spark working on a new scheme. “My father probably won’t destroy the castle once he knows I’m inside! At least, not right away—OW!”

He turned to Krosp, who had dropped to the ground and was furiously scrubbing away at his mouth. “You bit me.”

“We’re about to get shot,” the cat screamed. “Exactly how are we escaping?”

Gil looked up and saw the business end of two dozen rifles. “Stun rounds only,” the green behemoth shouted. “Or I will personally eat your ears!”

Gil’s face went blank. He’d been busy thinking about Agatha and Castle Heterodyne. Getting captured wasn’t the part of the plan…“Oh. Um…”

And then he disappeared.

Moloch von Zinzer leaned against the faux doorframe and idly watched the fireworks taking place overhead, munching away at some dried apples that he’d stowed in a pocket of his apron.

Suddenly, a brick sailed up out of the darkness and smacked into the doorsill at his feet, causing him to jump. More followed. Dozens, hundreds of them, flying through space and creating an intricate latticework structure that quickly resolved itself into a beautiful, ornate bridge that curved out of the darkness.

Moloch nodded to himself. He wasn’t surprised when, several moments later, Agatha came striding across the bridge. “So, you got the job, then?”

Agatha grinned. “Oh, yes.”

A glint of red caught Moloch’s eye and he saw that there was a deep cut on the back of Agatha’s hand.

“You’re bleeding! What happened?”

Agatha rolled her eyes as Moloch pulled a roll of bandages out of one of his pockets. “Let’s just say that somewhere in this place there’s a dial marked ‘high drama’ and it needs to be turned way down.”

Moloch nodded as he expertly wrapped her hand and tied the bandage off.⁴⁸ “Probably next to the one marked ‘Crazy.’”

“I like to think I have a certain flair,” the Castle remarked.

Moloch only jumped a little, then snorted. He turned back to Agatha. “I’ll bet. So now you’re the queen and we’re not gonna die, right?” From his tone of voice, it was obvious he expected to be corrected.

The Castle obliged him. “Not quite.”

“It’s not that easy,” Agatha agreed. “The Castle’s intelligence is fragmented, remember? As of now, I’ll only be recognized as the Heterodyne in areas that are subordinate to this fragment. Anywhere else, we’ll still be in danger. I need to reconnect the whole system to get it working properly. For that, I need to know where the damage is, so I still have to get to the library for that map.”

Moloch pondered this. “I thought you just went to the library.” Agatha shrugged.

Moloch slumped, but didn’t look surprised. “Hmm…well, the part of the Castle that controls the library is the one that sent you here, right? So it won’t try to kill us…”

“Probably,” said the Castle. It sounded a bit pleased with itself.

“Good point,” said Moloch, thinking hard. “And this one knows you, now, so that’s two relatively safe places.”