Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

“Romance?” The girl snorted. “Are you kidding? I thought you were the Baron’s heir. You’re the one saying this is serious. I agree. Surely you understand that you shouldn’t let infatuation cloud your judgment. Agatha still has a head full of romantic notions, but she wasn’t raised as royalty.”

Gil’s eyes narrowed. “And you were? Who are you, anyway?”

The girl stood tall. “I am Zeetha, Daughter of Chump. Heir to the throne of my mother, Queen Zantabraxis, ruler of Skifander and the Dark Countries.”

Gil raised an eyebrow. “Chump?”

Zeetha’s eyes flashed. “A great warrior. And yes, I know what it means in your language. An amusing coincidence, yes?”

“I really couldn’t say. How smart was he?”

A frown darkened Zeetha’s face and then vanished. She gave Gil a small nod. A point to him. “Honestly? That’s still a topic of debate amongst my family.”

“What’s your opinion?”

Zeetha looked down. “I…I never met him. He ran off a month after…ah…I was born.” The admission apparently called up many emotions for her, though she made a clear effort to hide them. She took a deep breath. “It is one of the reasons I came here with Professor Consolmagno—to try to find him.⁴¹ One of the few things he told my mother about himself was that he came from a place called Europa.” A wry look crossed her face. “He neglected to mention how large it was. Agatha helped me when I needed it. She is now my pupil, and I, her protector.”

When nothing more was forthcoming, Gil asked, “And where is that? I’ve never heard of this Skifander.”

Zeetha sighed in obvious disappointment. “Your father has heard of it.”

Gil shrugged. “My father knows a lot that he hasn’t bothered to tell me about,” he said frankly. He looked at her. “Like why he thinks that someone from Skifander would want to kill me.”

Zeetha paused and then leaned back. “I’m going to be honest with you. I have no idea why he’d think that, but I can’t say that it surprises me that he does think that.”

Gil rolled his eyes. More games. “I don’t have time for this.”

Zeetha grinned. “Sure you do. You’re not going anywhere like that.”

Gil waved a hand. “I feel fine.”

“I’ll bet you look fine too.”

Gil stared at her blankly and then peeked under his blanket and froze. “Where are my clothes?”

Zeetha’s grin grew even wider. “How should I know? I didn’t undress you.”

Gil paused, relieved. “You didn’t?”

“What, do I look like a doctor?”

Gil coughed. “No, but…”

Zeetha smiled sweetly and indicated the doorway. “The girls did that.”

Three girls were now crowding the doorway, staring blatantly, grinning, and nudging each other. All were dressed in colorful military uniforms and all were equipped with pointed ears and sharp, white teeth.

“Hey! He is alive!” said one.

“Mamma knows what she’s doing,” said the shortest, examining Gil with a predatory look in her eyes.

Gil stared back at them and pulled his covers up higher. “They… don’t look like doctors either.”

They all laughed at this and came farther into the room. Now that they were closer, Gil could see that the ears and teeth were merely costume pieces.

“So you’re the new Lady Heterodyne’s boyfriend, eh?” said the tall one. She leered at Gil in a most alarming manner. “I see that she’s gonna be a pretty lucky girl.”

“The Castle hasn’t accepted her yet,” the middle one said flatly. She turned a jaded eye on Gilgamesh. “And she hasn’t picked him yet either.”

The shortest girl gave a surprisingly athletic bounce and settled atop the dresser. “That’s right! You gotta spur a horse around the yard a bit before you buy him!”

The others chortled. Gil took a calming breath and started with the obvious. “You’re not really Jägers.”

The tall girl cocked her head to one side. “Of course not. No Jägers allowed within the city limits of Mechanicsburg.”

The middle one nodded. “That was the deal.”

“You’re in Mamma Gkika’s, bright boy.”

Gil paused as a memory surfaced. “That…That was a bar…where the Jägerkin used to hang out…” A few more things clicked into place. “Barmaids? You’re barmaids dressed as Jägers?”

The tall one laughed. “Not just barmaids, m’lord, now it’s dinner and a show!” At an unseen signal, all three of them assumed obvious poses. The first looked demure and serious. “‘Four Gears!’ according to Professor Strout’s Guide to Roadside Scientific Atrocities!”

The second looked at him shyly. “‘A magnificent perversion of science’ according to Steamy Steam Quarterly,” she said breathily.

The third crossed her arms and looked truculent. “‘Never heard of it’—Mechanicsburg Chamber of Commerce.”

Gil looked bewildered. “But…but the Jägers have a terrible reputation! People are afraid of them! They hate them! And here you’re telling me that tourists come here and drink with fake ones?”

The three girls looked at each other and smiled.

“You’d be surprised.”

“You’d be shocked.”

“I don’t drink.”