Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

She straightened up from the wall she had been leaning against and sauntered over. On her way, she stooped to pick up the punch-knife. She examined it and gave a dismissive snort. Agatha flinched as she tossed it onto the hand truck. “That’s yours now, if you want it. Right of conquest.” She stopped about two meters away from Agatha and examined her with open curiosity. “I’m Sanaa Wilhelm. Nice to meet you.” She stuck out her hand. Agatha made a snap judgment and shook it. Sanaa nodded.

“Well, now that you’ve wiped your feet on the doormat,” she hooked a thumb in the direction of the vanished man, “Welcome to Hell. You are—?”

Agatha realized that she hadn’t even considered a false name. “I’m…Pix.”

If Sanaa noticed the slight hesitation, she chose to ignore it. Agatha continued, “Do I have to fight you now?”

Sanaa laughed. “Nah, that’s a boy game. In here, we girls stick together. ‘Play fair, do your share, and we’re there.’” Then her face got serious. “If you don’t, you’ll be dead soon enough. It’s real easy to wind up dead in here. People do it all the time. You got any problem with that?”

Agatha shook her head. “It’s a better deal than I got out there.”

Again, Sanaa flashed a grin and patted Agatha on the shoulder. “Ha! Knew you was smart! Knew it when I saw you! Now, you’re new, so you got kitchen duty.” She sighed in resignation. “I don’t suppose you can cook?”

Agatha nodded with confidence. Old Taki, the circus cook, had cheerfully shared several of his “secrets”—tips on feeding large groups of hungry people, many of whom had knives. “I can cook. It’s just chemistry.”

Wilhelm brightened. “Really? Oh gosh, we need a good cook! The guy doing it now’s a mechanic, and he’s a complete idiot. I’d rather eat his engines!

“If you’re really good, you might not have to do any repair work at all! I mean, you’d be stuck in the kitchen all day…but still, it’s a pretty sweet deal.”

Agatha frowned. The last thing she wanted was to be confined to the kitchens. She wanted to be out and moving as quickly as possible.

Wilhelm continued. “So—what did you do to wind up in here, anyway?”

Agatha gave her a sardonic grin. “Poisoned thirty-seven people who complained about my cooking.”

Wilhelm just looked at her for a moment, then changed the subject—going into the details of the worker’s routines and the location of various facilities. “And we girls all bunk together. That way we can watch out for each other.”

Agatha nodded in approval as Sanaa continued. “So, we all eat twice a day, both at six—”

Agatha realized what was disturbing her. The complete blandness of what Sanaa was talking about. She interrupted. “This is all everyday stuff.”

Sanaa looked surprised. “Well…yeah. In here, the routine stuff is what keeps you going.”

Agatha waved a hand. “Okay, but didn’t a Heterodyne girl—?”

Sanaa’s face soured. “Oh. Her. Yeah, she’s here. She’s holed up with Professor Tiktoffen. You’ll meet him.” Her eyebrows went up. “Oh wait—I get it! You think she’ll fix the Castle and turn off all the deathtraps and la, la, la! We’ll all go home in time for supper!” She snorted. “Well, forget it. People’ve been working on this man-eating trash heap for years. And she thinks she’s gonna waltz in here, snap her fingers, and be the new queen? Shyeah.

“I been in here too long. There’s no easy way out. Just in.” Suddenly she whirled upon Agatha and leaned in. “But…and you gotta know this…I did see someone get out. Just once, but I saw it. She was smart. Collected her points, played the game, and walked out free. She did it. You can do it. Just like I’m gonna do it.” Her eyes darted up into the shadows and her shoulders hunched slightly. “Just as long as this place don’t get mad at me first.”

They walked quietly for a while, leaving the entry corridor and stepping into a larger passageway. Boxes and bales of supplies were stacked against the graffiti-covered walls. Agatha couldn’t help but read some of it as she passed by. Most of it railed against the Baron, the Castle, various magistrates, or just fate in general. There also seemed to be a great deal of wanton destruction. Entire walls looked like they had been smashed with hammers. Sanaa saw the direction of Agatha’s gaze.

“Most of the Castle is alive. You might’ve heard, but I’m telling you, you really don’t know what that means, yet. This area is one of the few that…isn’t. It’s just a building. So sometimes, when you want to smash the whole place down, this is one of the few places where it’s safe to just go nuts.”