Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

“What? What?!” The Castle was outraged. “Why?”

“Don’t worry. I…have my reasons. I don’t suppose any of those people they sent survived?”

“Now you’re just being unreasonable,” the Castle huffed.

Doctor Mittlemind stepped forward with an eager grin. “Oh! Do allow me to assist, Mistress.”

Agatha was surprised. “You’re volunteering to go get them?”

“But of course!” He then swept out an arm and pulled Fraulein Snaug to his side. “Even though I am incarcerated here, I still have my best minion! Fraulein Snaug, go fetch those parts!”

Snaug closed her eyes and whimpered in resignation. “Yes, Doctor.”

Agatha spoke up. “Castle, not only do I not want you to hurt her, I want you to help her get me those parts.”

“Hmf. How dull.”

“Cope.”

Snaug’s eyes shone as she gazed at Agatha. “Wow! Thank you, Mistress!”

Agatha waved a hand. “It’s nothing.”

Mittlemind gave a conspiratorial chuckle. “We are alike, you and I.”

Agatha eyed him with alarm. “Er—and how do you figure that?”

“I too tend to be overly softhearted.” He beamed.

“Really?” Agatha was doubtful.

“Oh, yes! Why, back when I was conducting research at the University, I always insisted that the children be allowed out of their containment tanks for Christmas!”

Everyone in the room stared at him.

Mittlemind flushed with embarrassment and waved a hand. “Oh please, what do you all take me for? I’m obviously not talking about the Control Group!”

The other prisoners relaxed, chuckling.

Agatha stared at Fraulein Snaug, who dimpled into a nostalgic smile. “I love Christmas,” she sighed.

“All right! Enough!” Agatha shouted. “I don’t have time for this!” She pointed to the prisoners. “You lot stay here and keep an eye on things.” She waved a hand around the dilapidated lab. “You can clean up a bit while you’re at it. And don’t go wandering off or the Castle may get testy.”

“It’s true…I sometimes do, you know.”

The prisoners glanced helplessly at one another. Mezzasalma spoke for them all. “But for cleaning, we’ll need to get squeegees and mops and…” he shrugged, “…and minions.”

Diaz nodded vigorously. “Oh yes! There must be minions. Although Doctor Mittlemind does share…” at this he and Mezzasalma bowed slightly to the genial doctor, who nodded in appreciation, “…but if you expect this to be done while we Sparks are disassembling ‘The Lion’…”⁷⁶

Agatha paused. “No, don’t disassemble it yet…Guard it, and get all the bits together so that I can have a look at them later.”

“My lady,” the Castle wheedled, “I really don’t like—”

Agatha cut it off. “Look, you can just squash anyone who actually tries to activate it, okay? Other than me, of course.”

“But I still—”

“HETERODYNE!” Agatha screamed.

The Castle gave in. “Yes, Mistress.”

“That’s better.” Agatha turned back to the prisoners and pointed to Zola’s remaining Tall Men. “You will assist the professors. If you survive, you’ll be free to go.” The men looked dubious.

Agatha continued. “Without Pinkie here.” With a sigh of relief, the men picked up brooms and got to work. Agatha nodded. “Professor Tiktoffen? You’ll come with me. From what the Castle has told me, you probably know this place better than anyone.”

The professor grimaced. “Enough to know that I’d rather stay here.”

Agatha looked interested. “Permanently?”

Tiktoffen stood up and dusted his hands together. “I’ll get my notes.”

Agatha turned to Zola, who had once again pillowed Gil’s head on her lap. “We’re going. Get him on his feet.”

Zola gave her an imploring look. “But—you can’t make him walk around the Castle like this! It’s dangerous out there. He’s hurt! He’s not even coherent!”

“Making him the only one here who won’t give me an argument. It’ll pass, but I’ll take it while I’ve got it. Now get him up.”

Gil stirred. “Um…Zola? Did Professor Belette get away? We’ve got to stop him before he steals the Moulin Rouge.”⁷⁷

Agatha ignored him. “We’re going,” she told Zola. Then she called to the room: “All right! Now, did I forget anyone?”

“Oh, yes,” hissed a chillingly familiar voice from behind her.

It was Von Pinn. Agatha stiffened, then, with preternatural calmness, turned to face her.

The construct hadn’t changed. She towered over Agatha, blonde hair pulled back hard into a severe bun, a ruby monocle covering her malevolent, inhuman left eye.

“If you’d wanted to kill me,” Agatha said, “you could have done it ten times over.”

Von Pinn’s mouth twitched, briefly revealing beast-sharp teeth. Perhaps she had changed, somewhat, after all. She seemed…almost subdued.

“I am not here to kill you. You are the Heterodyne girl. I must keep you…safe.”

This was too much. A wave of fury fueled by grief, stress, and the Spark washed through Agatha. “Safe? From my parents? You tore Adam and Lilith to shreds while I watched!” Agatha’s voice rose to a maniacal scream. “DIE!” She raised the death ray and fired it, point blank, blasting a hole through the wall in front of her.