Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

“Those soldiers,” Zeetha said carefully. “They came out of nowhere.”

Wooster grimaced. “That’s…more true than you know. That was the Black Squad. If the Baron is using them—” He shook his head in annoyance. “I need a drink.”

They toiled up a sloping street until they came to a small café. On a sun-drenched patio with an excellent view of the Castle gates, Agatha was finishing up a buttery bacon quiche. A small set of binoculars rested on the table beside her.

Zeetha and Wooster joined her at the table. A smiling waiter appeared with more quiche and a tray of chilled flutes filled with a crisp, sweet spring wine.

When he had gone, Agatha tapped the table thoughtfully. “Well, I guess I won’t be getting in through the front gate.”

Zeetha thoughtfully took a sip of wine. “They said ‘for her own protection.’ What was that about?”

Wooster glanced at the nearest table—occupied by a single old man apparently engrossed in his newspaper. An odd feeling of déjà vu flickered across his mind. Agatha cleared her throat and Wooster leaned forward and lowered his voice. “The castle is haunted.”

The ladies stared at him blankly. Wooster looked embarrassed. “Well, I guess that’s the easiest way to explain it.”

Agatha looked skeptical. “Easy is rarely accurate.”

Wooster sighed and looked about to signal the waiter for a refill. Agatha handed him hers. “Right. Some of this is common knowledge, some is from the Baron’s files.” A troubled look flitted across his face. “I doubt it’s important enough that they would have bothered to make false files…”⁶

Wooster collected his thoughts. “Castle Heterodyne is purported to be a single, gigantic mechanism. In its heyday, it was apparently one of the Seven Mad Wonders of the World.⁷ Details are a little sketchy, as the Heterodyne Boys never talked about it much and their predecessors didn’t encourage tourism. But from anecdotal evidence, it was quite amazing.

“Overnight guests spoke of awakening to discover their rooms in a completely different part of the castle. There were reports of mysterious voices and invisible servants. Intruders found themselves lost inside it for weeks, if they didn’t disappear entirely.

“After the attack, it lay broken and abandoned for years. The locals refused to go near it.

“Eventually a young professor from Transylvania Polygnostic University led a team of researchers inside.⁸ Their objectives were the Great Library and any other research notes they could salvage.

“Once they were deep inside, the Castle spoke to them. It demanded to be repaired. One of the team members spoke up against the idea, and the Castle made it clear that this was not a request.

“Six months later, one of the assistants finally emerged, much the worse for wear. In that time, the town had been taken by the Baron. The assistant explained that the Castle was directing its own repairs, but in an extremely haphazard manner. The job would take years.

“The food stores had run out and the assistant had been sent out to procure more food, tools, materials, and, if possible, more labor.

“The Baron had an idea. He managed to negotiate with the Castle, who actually remembered him as an associate of the Heterodyne Boys, and he got the professor and his remaining people out.

“To replace them, he offered to send in actual Sparks, which the Castle could direct as it saw fit. Ever since then, the Baron has used it as the ultimate punishment detail. I have to assume that once it’s been made safe, he plans on looting it himself.”

Wooster sat back and took another drink. Agatha slowly shook her head. “I’ve never heard about any of this.” She paused. “One of the Heterodyne Boys novels,⁹ The Heterodyne Boys and the 20,000 League Boots, mentions that they had an invisible servant in their castle, but that was one of the parts I never took seriously.”

Wooster nodded. “It is easy enough for the Baron to keep it a secret, of sorts. Those people who don’t believe that the place is haunted just think that the place is full of booby traps.”

Agatha frowned. “But the Baron has had people working inside it for how long?”

Wooster did a quick calculation in his head. “Almost fourteen years, I believe.”

“And people believe the place is still booby trapped after fourteen years?”

Wooster nodded. “Who is going to tell them otherwise? The locals? This is Castle Heterodyne. It’s a point of pride for them.”

Agatha sat back. “Well, if it remembered the Baron, perhaps—”

At that moment, Krosp dashed around a corner, scrambled under the chair of the old man reading his paper, and leapt straight onto the table. “Agatha!”

Agatha dropped her fork. “Quiet,” she hissed. “Someone will hear!” Indeed, the old man was regarding the agitated cat with astonishment.

Krosp glanced at him and waved a paw dismissively. “In a minute he isn’t going to care about a talking cat!” He grabbed Agatha’s sleeve and tried to drag her along behind. “Come on!”