Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

Gil flashed back to his days in Paris. “No,” he said, picking his words carefully. “I never thought of you as just a chorus girl.”

Zola looked at him fondly. “Well, maybe not you. You were always so nice. But everyone else did! Little did they know that I had a secret!” She spun about in place and hugged herself in delight. “But now they’ll all see just how wrong they were! When I rule Europa I’ll—”

Suddenly she stopped, and examined the rest of Gil’s party. “These people don’t look like prisoners.”

Professor Tiktoffen cleared his throat. “They’re not, my lady. I’ve never seen any of them before.”

There was a dangerous look in Zola’s eye now. “Gil? What’s going on?”

Gil threw up his hands. “All right! All right! Zola, you’re not the only one who had a secret back in Paris.” He looked at her. “It was one that I couldn’t tell anyone! If it had come out, it would have caused a lot of trouble.”

He looked away. “I especially didn’t want you to know. I…I didn’t want you to lose your good opinion of me. It’s just that…” Gil took a deep breath. “I’m a pirate.”

Krosp fell over sideways. Zola pounded a fist into her other palm. “Of course!” She stared at Gil. “It was so obvious!”

Gil frowned. “It wasn’t that obvious.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it! All those mysterious trips! And you always had money!” A knowing look came into her eyes. “And there was that crazy pirate girl you were obviously—”

“Yes! Yes! I should’ve just put a jolly roger on my hat!”

Zeetha leaned in. “Say…Captain. Are you sure we should be admitting all this?” Her hand delicately closed on Gil’s shoulder and without seeming to move, delivered a painful squeeze. “And which pirate girl would this have been?”

Gil managed to pull free without ripping his vest. “You never met her. Sky krakens got her.” He raised his voice, “But it’s all right, me hearties, we’re among friends!” Gil waved to the rest of his company. “Zola, this is my crew! We were in town fencing some machine parts when there was this huge uproar! We grabbed the chance and slipped in here when everyone was busy! I figure there’s got to be something left in here worth stealing!”

Zola’s eyes went wide. “Looting Castle Heterodyne? Are you insane?”

Gil looked contrite. “Well, I didn’t know it was yours.”

Zola shook her head. “No, you idiot! This place is a deathtrap! I’m astonished you’re not dead already!”

Gil glanced around. “But I’m not, am I? It’s obviously all hype. To keep people out.”

Zola looked like she wanted to shake him. “I can’t believe you! This is just like that abandoned toyshop off Place Maubert!⁶⁵ You just waltz into these things without thinking! You don’t even have a plan!”

“Plans,” Gil rolled his eyes. “And I suppose you do.”

“Of course I’ve got a plan!”

Gil sighed. “What is it this time?”

Zola gave him an unfamiliar look. She nodded. “I’ll admit my plans in Paris never worked out. But this one… No. I think I’ll just show you. And this time, I’ll bet you’re impressed.”

So saying, the expanded group headed off. Zola consulted an intricate compass as well as a small, leather-bound book. She was obviously thinking. Gil knew her well enough to let her come to a boil on her own. And indeed, soon enough…

“So, Gil, what do you think about Baron Wulfenbach?”

This was the last subject Gil had been prepared for. “What, personally?”

Zola snorted. “No, of course not. His Empire. The way it’s run.”

Gil tried to consider the question as it would be viewed by someone who was not the Baron’s son. “Better than most, I suppose.”

Zola frowned. “An odd response, considering how they treat pirates.”

Gil laughed. “Zola, there isn’t a legitimate government in the Western Hemisphere that doesn’t deal harshly with pirates. It’s how they treat their own citizens that’s important. The Polar Lords tax fire. The Gilded Duke hunted peasants for sport. To go against Albia of England’s merest whim is literally unthinkable. I’ve been there, Zola. I’ve seen these things.

“The Baron demands taxes and deals harshly with peace breakers, yes, but he’s kept the Long War at bay for years. He builds roads, schools and hospitals…” He saw the look on Zola’s face and shrugged. “I raid elsewhere, but I choose to live in the Empire.”

Zola pursed her lips in annoyance. “I’d forgotten how conversations with you never go like they should.”

Gil grinned. “Oh yes, all those annoying, inconvenient ‘facts.’”

Zola spun and shook her finger in his face. “Well here’s a fact you can stick in your ear. The Baron’s Empire is going down.”

Gil rolled his eyes. “Oooh. I’ll bet that’s the first time he’s heard that…today.” Gil glanced at Zola’s assistants. “And you’re doing this all by yourself?”

Zola surprised him then. Instead of getting even madder, her face slid into a satisfied smile. Now we’re getting somewhere.

“No, I’m not doing it all myself.” She paused, glanced back at the others and drew Gil closer. “How much do you trust your crew?” she asked softly.