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Right. Don’t ignore the cat goddess…

“No, it’s not your concern, and I apologize for taking up your time. If you can point us to a door, we’ll be on our way.”

Anubis pointed over Claire’s shoulder.

Right.“A smaller door?”

“That’s the only door in the Hall of Osiris and only Osiris himself can open it. If you were dead, we’d take you before Osiris to be judged, but since you’re not dead…” His muzzle wrinkled as he tried to work it out.

Bast sighed.“Dead or alive, it doesn’t matter; in order to leave the Hall, they have to be taken before Osiris.”

“But we’re only supposed to escort the dead. We could kill them,” he added, looking hopeful. At least Claire thought it was hopeful; she wasn’t too good at reading jackal physiognomy.

“Or we could just escort them to Osiris and let him work it out.”

“I’d be honored to meet the Lord Osiris!” Lance declared, striding half a dozen quick steps forward and five back. “He’d appreciate my plan for dealing with Meryat! I could show him my thesis! No, wait.” He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. “I don’t have my thesis with me!”

“Does he exclaim everything he says?” Bast asked Claire her ears slightly saddled.

“Pretty much.”

“We could just killhim if you like. No bother.”

Without Lance, the next door would take her back to the mall. The door after that, back to Dean.“Thank you for the offer.” And she meant that sincerely. “It’s tempting, but Lance knows how to deal with Meryat and besides—that whole Keeper thing—I’m not allowed to have even the most irritating Bystander put down.”

“Pity.”

“Sometimes.”

It was a long walk to the other end of the Hall. The tiles were cool underfoot and it would have been a pleasant journey but for the heavy scent of embalming spices in the air and the sound of distant lamentation that started up the moment they’d both left the squares of red tile. At that, the lamentations were preferable to Lance’s running commentary on the Egyptian afterlife.

When Bast’s ears flattened against her skull, Claire grabbed Lance by his much less indicative ear and yanked his head down beside hers. “I’ve come to realize that telling you to shut up doesn’t work, so instead I want you to remember everything you’ve ever heard about the dangers of pissing off gods.” Not to mention cats. “Remember that the gods are invariably described as cruel and capricious and remember that everything you’ve ever learned about them is true.”

“But a lot of the information contradicts…”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“But…”

“It’sall true.”

“Even…”

“All of it.”

He straightened rubbing his ear.“So you’re saying I should shut up?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

For a while, Lance and Anubis walked on ahead, circled around, walked with them for a few paces, walked on ahead, and Claire finally realized what Lance reminded her of. A half-grown, golden retriever puppy.

“His heart’s in the right place,” Bast murmured.

Claire waited.

The cat goddess didn’t disappoint.

“That’ll make it a lot easier to remove.”

About the time they began to see their destination at the far end of the Hall—although it was still little more than a big golden wall with some smaller unidentifiable things in front of it—Lance returned to walk by her side, allowing the two gods to lead them the rest of the way into Osiris’ presence.

“When we arrive,” Bast announced as it became obvious that one of the distant objects was a huge throne, “I’ll do the talking.”

Anubis turned his head far enough for Claire to see a flash of teeth.“Why?”

“Because you’ve been known to leave out important bits of information about the deceased, and it would be unfortunate if that happened this time.”

“Unfortunate?”

“Very.”

“Why? Dead’s dead.”

“These two are alive.”

“Oh, yeah…”

“They’re not how I imagined gods,” Lance said almost quietly.

Claire shrugged. She didn’t want to get into it.

“I mean, they look like gods,” Lance continued, clearly not picking up the subtext, “but they don’t sound like gods. First of all, they use contractions.”

That was unexpected enough to get Claire’s attention. “What?”

“Contractions. You know; don’t instead of do not. Or we’re instead of we are. Or…”

“I know what a contraction is.”

“They use them.”

“So?”

He exhaled explosively.“So who ever heard of a god using contractions? It just isn’t godlike.”

Claire’d heard of gods who took their own names in vain three words out of seven, but she decided not to mention that to Lance. “What’s second?” When he looked confused—well, more confused than usual—she expanded the question. “You said‘first of all,’ so there must be at least a second.”

“Right!”

And the exclamations were back.

“It’s the two of them, the way they interact. They’re likeRuff and Ready!”

“Who?”

“You know; the cartoon!” Waving his hands from side to side, sketching out the beat, Lance sang, “They’re Ruff and Ready. Always Ruff and Ready. They sometimes have their little spats, even fight like d…”