a8eb54fe2a7e7ca192cef2761fb9d6c0

“I am willing to wait.” Meryat folded her hands into her sleeves. “I am hoping she will be able to give me back all I have lost.”

“You seem to be doing fine without her.”

“But so, so slowly. I look forward to the day when I can…”

“Rule the world?”

“Go out in public.”

Shooting a“now see what you’ve done” look at Austin and another at Dean, Dr. Rebik slipped his arm around Meryat’s bowed shoulders and led her from the room. During their slow shuffle down the hall and up the stairs, Dean loaded the dishwasher, swept the dining room floor, polished the table, and didhis best to ignore the expression on Austin’s face.

The distant sound of a door closing on the second floor brought the cat to his feet.“Convinced? It’s going too slowly and she needs to suck the life out of Claire to finish rebuilding herself.”

“I thought you said she was after sucking the life out of me.”

“Yeah, butslowly. She doesn’t want to spook Claire the moment she gets in the door. Trust me, Claire’ll notice if you’re a desiccated corpse propped up in the corner, but a couple of missing years’ll slip on by.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Yeah, well she’s not going to be too happy that another woman’s su…”

His ears scarlet, Dean clamped a hand over the cat’s muzzle. “There was no one in the bedroom last night and you said Meryat was asleep when you heard something moving around the night before. Drop it. You’re imagining things. You’re some worried about Claire and it’s stressing you out. Giving you nightmares.”

He removed his hand.

Austin shook his whiskers back into place.“Cats don’t have nightmares,” he hissed. “Cats have premonitions of disaster, and I’m having one now. Gag me again, and you’ll lose the hand.”

*

“Stop touching me!”

“Sorry. It’s just this is a little…” Lance waved a hand at the milling herd of purple hippopotamuses. “…weird.”

“Yes, it is. But it’s only weird because you seem to be incapable of doing what you’re asked.”

“You told me to think about nothing.”

Claire slapped a hippo on the rump and moved it out of her way.“These aren’t nothing.”

“I tried to think about nothing, but that made me think of how difficult it was to think about nothing and that made me think about that whole ‘don’t think of a purple hippopotamus’ thing.”

“You know, I figured that out without the explanation.”

“How?”

She exchanged an exasperated look with a lavender cow.“It wasn’t hard. We’re in a herd of purple hippopotamuses. Who usually live in water. And aren’t purple.”

“I don’t see any doors.”

“Shut up and keep walking.” On the one hand, they were definitely back in the right Otherside so if nothing else, the last path took them closer to the mall. On the other hand, there was nothing like walking through a herd of herbivores in bare feet to put a person in a really, really bad mood.

*

“Where did you guys find armor in a department store?”

“Sporting Goods.” Will flipped his braid out from under the edge of his shoulder pads. “There’s enough hockey gear in there to outfit the entire NHL.”

“In June.”

The elf shrugged.“End of season sale?”

“Okay. That makes as much sense as anything else around here.” Sam tucked his tail carefully out of the way as more and more elves wearing hockey equipment returned to the area by the fire pit. “Now correct me if I’m wrong, which I’m not, but didn’t you guys used to be twenty-first-century street kids?”

“Yeah. So?”

“So how do you even know what armor is?”

“It’s all in the book, man.” Reaching behind him, he pulled out a familiar orange-and-blue book.

“The Dumbass Guide to Elvish Armor,” Sam read, squinting a little in the uncertain light.

“Kris found a bunch of these in the bookstore back in the day. You know, while we were still getting stomped by the bad guys. She usedThe Dumbass Guide to Not Getting Your Butts Kicked to start bringing us into one group. Then, when Arthur showed up, she checked him out againstThe Dumbass Guide to Leadership. Lately, we’ve been usingThe Dumbass Guide to Living in a Magical Freakin’ Shopping Mall as a kind of Bible.”

“Really?”

“Nah, I just like saying dumbass. We figured out the whole living in a shopping mall thing on our own.”

“What’s the skateboard for?”

“Sort of our version of cavalry.” He flipped the board up on end. “Makes us a lot faster than the meat-minds, more mobile. And it comes straight out ofThe Dumbass Guide to Making the Most of the Skills You Got Handy.”

Orange stripes folded into a“w” between Sam’s ears. “Really?”

Will grinned.“Man, you are one gullible cat.”

[Êàðòèíêà: img_5]

“Ow! Try walking on your own feet, why don’t you!”

“Sorry.” Adjusting her grip on Kris’ arm, Diana continued moving them as quickly as possible along the wall. As long as she didn’t lose the signature of her stuff, they were fine. Well, maybefine was stretching it a bit.