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“It’s been here since the dawn of time, or at least for as long as I can remember,” said the squirrel, which wasn’t saying much, since the average life span of a squirrel probably doesn’t stretch as far back as the dawn of time.

“And where does it live?”

“Everywhere,” said the squirrel. “I mean, it’s an evil spirit, so it doesn’t exactly need a particular place to live, you know. It can pop up anywhere, any time.”

“So you’ve never seen a shack in these woods, or a cave or whatever?”

“It’s an evil spirit, Max,” said the squirrel emphatically. “It might very well be watching us right now, listening to every word we say. Or it might be miles away, hunting.”

“It hunts, does it?”

“Of course it does.”

“No, I mean, if it’s a spirit being, it doesn’t need to feed itself. Ghosts don’t need their three square meals a day since they basically consist of vapor, I guess.”

I have to confess I’m not really up to date on what makes a ghost or an evil spirit tick, but one thing I do know is that ghosts and spirits don’t need sustenance, since they don’t have a physical body, like you and I do.

“I can tell I’m dealing with a non-believer here,” said the squirrel, getting up and dusting herself off. “So I’m only going to say this one last time, Max: watch your back, and if I were you, I’d get out of these woods, and don’t come back.”

And before I could ask a couple more questions—like: what was this ghost wearing, what did it look like, was it a man or a woman, that kind of stuff—the squirrel had scooted up a nearby tree and was gone.

And she hadn’t even told us her name!

CHAPTER 28

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“It has to be around here somewhere,” said Vesta, parting some leafy branches.

“Are you sure?” asked Tex. “You said that five minutes ago already.”

“The problem is that these trees all look the same,” Vesta grumbled. “And not a single sign telling you where you’re going. I’m telling you, Tex, there’s a lot of room for improvement here. Something to take up with the town council.”

“It’s the woods, Vesta,” said Tex. “There are never any signs in the woods.”

“There should be. How else can anyone ever find their way in here?”

They’d been traipsing through these woods now for half an hour, and Tex had the distinct impression they were walking in circles. “I think we’ve seen that tree before,” he now told his mother-in-law.

“What tree? What are you talking about?”

“That tree over there, with the gnarly branches. I’m sure we passed this tree before.”

“All trees look the same, Tex,” said Vesta. “I’m sure we’re on the right track.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Women’s intuition,” she snapped.

“I don’t like it here,” said Scarlett, who’d also joined the search party. “It’s creepy.”

“It’s not creepy, it’s just dark and dank,” Vesta said.

“Well, I think it’s creepy, and I just broke a nail.”

Scarlett, in spite of her friend’s instructions, had refused to wear walking boots, and was dressed exactly the way she was always dressed: in high heels, short skirt and tank top. Though because she’d anticipated that temperatures in the woods might be outside of her comfort zone, she’d brought a sweater.

“As long as you don’t break a leg,” said Vesta, “you’re fine.”

“That nail cost me an arm and a leg,” Scarlett complained. “And now it’s gone. Just like that.”

“You’ll be gone just like that if you don’t stop complaining and start cooperating,” said Vesta.

“Ladies, ladies,” said Tex. “Please let’s not argue.”

“I think it’s ludicrous,” said Scarlett, paying no attention to Tex. “Who told you that Odelia was meeting her lover for a secret tryst in the woods anyway? Wouldn’t it be more convenient for them to meet at the Star Hotel, like regular people?”

“Odelia must have realized I was onto her,” said Vesta. “So she decided to organize her next meeting in a place where no one would find her. But she didn’t count on her dear old grandmother watching out for her.” She swatted at a bug that had selected her neck as a landing strip. “Now if only we could find them.”

“I’m starting to have second thoughts about this,” said Scarlett. “I mean, so what if Odelia has an affair? What’s so bad about that? People have affairs all the time. It’s the most common thing in the world.”

“Not my granddaughter,” said Vesta.

“Not my daughter,” said Tex.

“And besides, a billionaire is a great catch,” said Scarlett. “I wish I could bag myself a billionaire,” she added wistfully.

“Odelia has a perfectly good husband,” said Vesta. “She doesn’t need to fool around with any billionaires.”