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“Oh, dear,” she said, and got up to take a look. She ventured out through the kitchen door, and discovered to her dismay Dooley was right. There were snails pretty much all over the backyard. They were crawling on the lawn, covering her precious flowers, and the bushes were absolutely infested with them.

“This is getting worse and worse,” she said.

Next door, Marcie’s head came poking over the hedge. “Snail infestation, huh?” said the woman.

“Is it the same over on your side?” asked Marge.

“We’ve got a couple of them, but nothing like you got,” said Marcie. “But they’re bound to head into our backyard soon, so if I were you, I’d do something about it, and do it quick. Unless you want to get in trouble with your neighbors.”

She nodded as she stepped over a couple of snails examining the porch, and joined Marcie at the hedge.

“I don’t understand,” she said. “We never had this problem before, and now all of a sudden they’re literally everywhere.”

“Maybe it’s something in the soil? Or have you left your garbage out? Snails do love garbage. Can’t get enough of it.”

“No, we didn’t leave anything out.”

Marcie gave her a keen look.“I couldn’t help but overhear you and Tex talking about Odelia this afternoon. Is it true? Is she having an affair with Edward Dexter, the billionaire?”

“I’m afraid so,” said Marge sadly. “My mother found out quite by accident, and now we don’t know what to do.”

“If I were you I’d confront her about it,” said Marcie. “Make her see the error of her ways, so to speak. Point out that she has a good husband in Chase.”

“The best.”

“Like you say, the best. And a child to consider. Now I can understand why a woman would stumble into an affair with a billionaire. Lord knows we’ve all secretly indulged in the fantasy. But that’s just what it is: a fantasy. If she leaves her family for that man, she’s going to regret it for the rest of her life.”

“I know,” said Marge. “Which is why we’re staging an intervention. Try to talk some sense into her. Though I’m afraid we’re too late already.”

“She is stubborn,” Marcie agreed. “Always was, even as a child.”

Marge nodded, thinking back to the time when Odelia had gotten it into her head that she was going to be a vegan from now on, and had stuck to her guns no matter what. The upshot had been that the whole family had turned vegan for a while, which had been an interesting episode, until Odelia had discovered that her grandmother snuck out of the house every night to visit their local Burger King. At which point the little girl had joined her, and before long Marge and Tex were the only ones still adhering to a vegan lifestyle, all for the sake of their daughter.

“Look, can I give you one piece of advice?” said Marcie, placing a hand on her neighbor’s arm.

Marge nodded absentmindedly, her thoughts now elsewhere.

“Don’t be too hard on her. It’s probably just a phase, you know. Something to do with becoming a mother. When I had Klara I was depressed for three months, and gained about forty pounds. I’m sure Odelia’s affair with this billionaire falls into the same category. She’ll snap out of it, just you wait and see.”

“I hope you’re right,” said Marge, offering her neighbor a sad smile.

“And for heaven’s sake, do something about those snails!” Marcie added as she plucked a particularly large and brazen specimen from her sleeve.

CHAPTER 18

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The strange phenomenon of the snail infestation clearly baffled Marge, who proceeded to shoot the breeze with her neighbor Marcie, causing Dooley and myself to return to our own backyard, carefully sidestepping dozens and dozens of these denizens of snaildom. Marge may have insisted that the slime of the common snail isn’t bad for cats, but I wasn’t so sure. And besides, humans aren’t in the habit of ingesting whatever attaches itself to their outer crust the way cats do. We’re forced to ingest and digest this slime every time we groom ourselves! And who knows what havoc it might wreak on our sensitive digestive systems.

“Do you think this has something to do with that blue moon business?” asked Dooley.

“What blue moon business?” I asked as I balanced precariously on three legs while trying to avoid a cluster of snails that had crossed my path.

“Well, what Rupert the snail told Brutus to tell you. The blue moon business. That tonight there is a blue moon out.”

We both glanced up automatically, but since the moon wasn’t out yet, we couldn’t determine whether it was going to be blue, or the regular milky white.

“I’m not sure, Dooley,” I said. Frankly I’d completely forgotten about this whole blue moon business. What is a blue moon anyway? It’s not as if the moon can change color. It’s just a big dead chunk of rock floating in orbit around our own slightly more lively planet.

“I just wish they’d take a hike,” I said. I don’t mind creatures of every denomination to go about their business in peace and harmony, but too much is too much.