31906844db5c02010017a90f3f2ca805

“But being around these kittens,” he continued, “has kinda made me want to be a better cat.”

“Same thing here, buddy,” I admitted.

It was hard to believe, but Bim, Bam and Bom had somehow activated our paternal instincts. I’d never even known I had those before, and clearly neither had Brutus.

“Now all we need to do,” I said, “is convince Harriet these little sweeties are not the scourge she thinks they are.”

“Good luck with that,” Brutus said. “If she knew I was here she’d kill me.”

“Maybe not kill you, exactly, but she probably wouldn’t be happy about it.”

“So let’s keep this our little secret, shall we, Max?”

“Sure thing,” I said.

And then we watched as Bim opened her little eyes, yawned and stretched her little limbs, and stared up at the both of us. And then she licked Brutus’s face. And we melted.

And I finally understood why humans love kittens so much.

It’s almost impossible not to.

Chapter 20

Odelia, as she tootled along the road, went over her checklist in her head.

Chase had bundled up Bim, Bam and Bom and dropped them off at the vestibule to be watched over by Dolores. Check.

Max and Dooley were in the back of the car with her. Check.

She’d arranged to meet Prunella Lemon at the Riviera Country Club where apparently the bestselling authoress liked to spend her leisure time. Check.

Only one more item on her list had yet to be addressed. And she planned to do that right now. She glanced over to her grandmother, who was riding shotgun.

“You seem a little on edge, Gran,” she said with a frown.

Gran had her face practically plastered to the windscreen, a strange flush suffusing her cheeks. Droplets of sweat stood out on her brow, and she had a hunted look in her eyes, which were stretched wide open.

“I’m just excited to get cracking on this murder case thingy again,” croaked Gran.

Odelia cleared her throat. This was not an easy subject to broach.“The thing is, someone told me something this morning that’s got me a little worried.”

“Oh?”

“It’s actually to do with you.”

“Huh.” Gran didn’t look up. She was still staring unblinkingly at the road ahead.

“Is it true that you’ve been buying pills from some guy on the street?”

“Sure!” said Gran, much to Odelia’s surprise. She’d expected her grandmother to deny the charge hotly.

“But, Gran, how could you? Don’t you know how bad those pills are? Think about your heart!”

“It’s my heart I was thinking about when I bought them.”

“What do you mean? Those pills can kill you. They jack up your heart rate.”

For the first time, Gran looked up. And Odelia saw her pupils were dilated.

“Kill me? Are you nuts? Those pills are a treat. Without those pills I’d only have half the energy I have now. They’re great. And besides, if you don’t like em take it up with Tex.”

“My dad? What do you mean?”

“He’s the one who told me to take them!”

“Dad prescribed them?”

“Of course! I was telling him only the other day how tired I felt sometimes, and he said that was only natural at my age. When I told him where to stick his disgusting ageism, he quickly climbed down from his high horse and prescribed me those pills. But when I went to fill the prescription, and the pharmacist told me how much they were going to set me back, I told him to go to hell with his crazy prices. And that’s when I heard about Conrad.”

“Conrad? Who’s Conrad?”

“Oh, he’s a miracle worker. I first heard about him from Dick Bernstein and Rock Horowitz. The boys from the senior center? Dick has been buying from Conrad for years. Viagra. So when I complained to Dick how expensive my pills were, he told me to go and see Conrad. He gave me his number and I met him the next day at Caf? Baron, that new hipster bar on Downey Street? And there he was, holding forth and hawking his wares. And he couldn’t have been nicer or more understanding. Gave me a big discount on my first buy.”

“Oh, Gran…”

“What? I’ve never felt better! In fact I’ve got so much energy I could run for president. I mean, if all those old dudes can run for president so can I, right? I’m younger than half of them! And it’s time we got a senior citizen in the White House to represent all the senior citizens in this country. I can do a lot of good from the Oval Office, you know.”

“Of course you can,” said Odelia, hoping her grandmother wasn’t serious about this latest bee in her bonnet. “Can I take a look at those pills?”

“Sure. Here, take one. You’re not looking too hot yourself this morning.”

Odelia ignored the dig. She’d been up early, what with the kittens wriggling and squirming at the foot of her bed. She checked the pillbox. It had a big red X on the side.

“Gran,” she said sternly, “are you sure Dad prescribed you ecstasy? Don’t lie to me.”

Gran looked confused.“Ecstasy? Is that the brand? They’re just vitamins, honey.”

“These are not vitamins. This is ecstasy. A drug. And a very nasty one, too.”

Grandma laughed.“Vitamins are not drugs. Vitamins are good for you.”

“How many have you taken?”