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And as far as I could tell, it would be quite a while before that happened. And since none of us enjoys these family feuds, we decided to head out through the pet flap and take in some fresh air. Recriminations flying back and forth are not exactly my idea of a pleasant time to be had by all.

And weÆd just left the house through the pet flap when a smallish bird suddenly materialized and stepped to the fore. He looked a little shy as he presented himself. ôHi, my name is Jack,ö said the bird, whom I immediately identified as belonging to the sparrow species. ôAnd you must be Harriet,ö he added, and presented our friend with a small daisy he must have picked up in someoneÆs backyard. ôIÆm glad to finally meet you, Harriet, and I can tell you right off the bat that I have a good feeling about this.ö

ôA good feeling about what?ö asked Harriet, as confused as the rest of us.

ôThis,ö said Jack, gesturing between himself and Harriet. ôOur relationship.ö

HarrietÆs jaw dropped, and so did mine. Dooley merely gave the bird a look of keen interest. After having watched numerous nature documentaries, the mating ritual of birds holds no secrets for him. Brutus, meanwhile, was getting a little worked up.

ôWhat do you mean, our relationship!ö the butch black cat demanded heatedly.

ôWell, you swiped right, and I swiped right, and of course that wasnÆt a big surprise, as I immediately felt this click, you knowùa connection, if you see what I mean.ö The tiny bird smiled a diffident smile. ôYou must have felt the same, dearest Harriet. And now that I finally meet you in the flesh, as it were, I must say IÆm not disappointed. On the contraryùyou look even better in reality than on your profile, which is a rare thing these days.ö

A powerful rebuke had been trembling on HarrietÆs lips, but JackÆs words took the wind out of her sails. ôOh,ö she said. ôDo you really think so?ö

ôAbsolutely. Gorgeous doesnÆt even begin to describe it.ö

ôYouÆve got some nerve!ö Brutus cried, and took a menacing step in the direction of the small brown bird. Jack immediately took flight and settled in a nearby tree, where he was safe from our friendÆs sharp claws.

ôBrutus, IÆm sure this isnÆt necessary,ö said Harriet. ôJack is just trying to be nice.ö

ôNice!ö Brutus cried. ôHeÆs talking about having a relationship with you!ö

ôIÆm sorry to say that me swiping right was a mistake, Jack,ö Harriet now clarified. ôI wanted to swipe left, but then something got in my eye, and I accidentally swiped right.ö

ôWhat got in your eye was the fact that IÆm the perfect partner for you, beautiful Harriet,ö said Jack, now causing us to have to look up, not down. ôAnd IÆm quite determined to prove it to you by showering you with my affections and my gifts.ö

ôGifts?ö asked Harriet, perking up at this. ôWhat gifts?ö

ôHarriet!ö Brutus cried, exasperated. ôHeÆs a bird!ö

ôWell spotted, cat,ö said Jack. ôI am indeed a bird. A love bird. And when you give me a chance, IÆll make sweet, sweet love to you, morning, noon and night, lovely Harriet.ö

ôLet me get at him,ö Brutus growled, and made to climb that tree. But unfortunately for him Jack took flight again, and this time perched on the gutter, from where he continued to give Harriet the glad eye. In fact he was winking at her, causing Harriet to giggle and Brutus to fume with righteous rage.

ôYouÆre sweet,ö Harriet said finally. ôBut IÆm afraid this is one of those relationships that simply isnÆt to be, Jack.ö

ôAnd why is that?ö asked Jack. ôIÆm too short for you, is that it? Well, what I lack in height, I make up in honest heat. I can assure you that passion is my middle name.ö

ôSo his name is Jack Passion Sparrow?ö asked Dooley.

ôSomething like that,ö I said.

ôJack the sparrow,ö said Dooley musingly. ôNow what does that remind me of?ö

ôBrutus, come down from that drainpipe!ö Harriet was yelling. But of course by the time Brutus finally reached the roof, Jack had flown off again, rerouting once again to that tree and making Brutus look really silly sitting up there on that roof.

ôLooks like Brutus is stuck, Max,ö said Dooley.

ôYeah, looks like,ö I agreed.

ôDonÆt just stand there!ö Brutus cried. ôGet me down from here!ö

We turned when Jack suddenly started singing. Like a regular crooner, he was singing a love song, infusing it with all the warmth and fervor he harbored in his tiny bosom.

ôSuch a pity,ö Harriet murmured.

ôWhat is?ö I asked.

ôThatÆs heÆs just a sparrow and not some majestic bird of prey. Like a bald eagle, you know, though of course if he were a bald eagle IÆd ask him to get a toupee. Or a hair transplant. A cat of my stature canÆt be seen dating a baldie.ö

ôHeÆs a bird and youÆre a cat, Harriet,ö I said. ôIt wouldnÆt work.ö

ôYou donÆt know that,ö said Harriet. ôStranger things have happened. And besides, nobodyÆs perfect.ö

ôItÆs one of those impossible relationships, isnÆt it,ö said Dooley. ôLike Romeo and Juliet, or Quasimodo and Demi Moore. Or even Emma Watson and the Beast.ö