Zen and the Art of Vampires

Voices called out my name, one of them his, but I ran even faster, blindly careening off of walls and obstructions and even cars as I dashed madly through the city, sure of only one thing—Kristoff was a killer. Alec couldn't be like him. Could he?

Chapter 7

A light breeze ruffled my hair. "Pia? Are you all right?"

I looked up from where I'd been hunkered over, sobbing into my knees, right into the nostrils of a ghostly horse. I fought back the startled scream that threatened to burst out of me, sniffling instead and hunting desperately in my pockets for a tissue. "Ulfur?"

"Yes, it's me." His horse smelled my hair, then snorted into it with a shake of his head. "Ragnar, leave her be. She does not wish to pet you."

"I don't think I could if I wanted to," I said, giving up the search and dabbing at my damp nose with my sleeve. I pushed away the trash cans that hid me and got to my feet, a little wobbly, but not entirely surprised to find that the space behind the library where I'd collapsed was now filled with ghostly entities. "Oh, good, you found Karl and Marta."

"Yes, they were hiding near the park. There was another man, a sailor, I think, but he said he was going to search for rum and would find us later. You are hurt?" Ulfur's face was filled with concern, as were, in varying degrees, those of the other ghosts crowded around me. All except the smart-mouthed teen, and she was busy picking her nails until the woman I assumed was her mother cuffed her upside the head. "Did your husband harm you?"

"He's not my husband," I said, dusting off my clothing. "Well, that's to say, he might be, but if he is, he's neither legal nor wanted."

"You kissed him," one of the male ghosts said.

"That was… um… unintentional," I lied.

"It looked like you were enjoying it," Ulfur pointed out.

"I didn't say it was unpleasant, just that it was unintentional." I don't know why I felt quite so defensive about the kiss Kristoff and I had shared, unless it was over the immense guilt I felt at betraying his friend. "He's not really my husband. I may be married to him, but he's not a husband in the true sense of the word."

"Ah," the older ghost said, waggling his eyebrows at the teen's mom. "He hasn't bedded her yet."

A chorus of comprehending aahs followed that statement.

"You'd best be seeing to that right away," snarky teen's mom said with a knowing look. "Men like that have an appetite for women, and you'll not be wanting him to stray."

"I'm not trying to keep him," I told her, waving my hands around vaguely as if that would help explain the situation. "He's not really mine."

"Not yet, but just you bed him a few times, and he'll be yours for life," an elderly, creaking voice said. There was a flurry of movement behind the ghosts, and a tiny, incredibly old woman appeared. "I've had five husbands, I have, and if there's anyone who knows how to keep a man, it's me."

Everyone nodded their heads, the teen's mom saying, "Aye, Old Agda knows. You listen to her, reaper."

"Five husbands?" I couldn't help but ask.

"They all died young, all but the last one, and he were thirty year younger'n me. Died happy they did, too." She cackled, elbowing the mom beside her. Mom smiled indulgently.

I gave myself a mental shake. I needed to make plans, and standing around here talking about Kristoff and husbands was not going to help matters. "Well, that's nice, but—"

"I like the young ones," another woman called out from the back, a woman around whom three children were clustered, clutching her long skirts. "They've got stamina. Maybe our reaper ought to look for someone a bit younger."

"Bah," the first woman said. "What good is stamina if they don't know what to do with it? It's all about what god gifted them with, if you want my opinion."

"I don't need anyone with more stamina," I protested. "Besides, Kristoff is a vampire and is who knows how many hundreds of years old. Just about anyone is going to be younger than him."

"The younger ones lack experience," the teen's mom argued with the size-matters woman. "And it doesn't matter how long a man's member is if he hasn't the experience to use it properly. The young ones don't know how to please a woman, and the ones without experience just leave you wishing they'd be done so you can bring in the wash and tend to supper. Now, the reaper's man, he looks like he knows what he's about."

"I'll say he does," her daughter purred.

I narrowed a look on her that by rights should have turned her to stone before realizing what I was doing. I was not jealous of Kristoff! I did not want him! It was Alec I was interested in. Alec who smiled, and was happy to turn off the lights, and left me with a dead body… oy.

"That's all women's talk," the middle-aged ghost interrupted. "What our reaper wants is someone who can protect her. The true measure of a man is how he provides for his family."