Witch from the Sea

We went off hand in hand, Fennimore holding our candle high, and I was aware that the eyes of my parents followed us with approval. I was sure that they had decided this would be a fitting time to announce our betrothal. Family ties would cement the business ones. I had to lead the way because naturally he did not know the house as I did.

My mother had devised the clues and the finding of one led us on to the next. It was a game we had played all our lives; and the treasure hunt was considered to be the highlight of any of our gatherings. It showed how they trusted Fennimore to allow me to go off with him as they did; for usually young people were paired off by their elders. Of course Fennimore was the Lord of Misrule and was supposed to have his way, but if someone like Colum Casvellyn had been in his place they would never have allowed it. Why did I have to think of that man so constantly? What a question to ask myself! How could I ever forget him? What a fateful, evil trip that had been for me. It would affect my whole life. How strange that one night could do that.

Fennimore said: “Are you cold?”

“No, no. It was just a passing shiver. Someone walking over my grave, as they say.”

And I thought: The grave of my innocence which is now dead but not buried deep enough.

He took my hand.

“Are we going to find the treasure?” he asked.

“That depends on how clever you are.”

“You are the clever one.”

“I? Whatever gave you such a notion?”

“I suspect it. You are a very unusual girl, Linnet.”

“Surely not.”

“I think so,” he said.

We had crossed the hall and mounted the dais. There was a door there which led into the small dining-room and sitting-rooms which we used when we were alone, for fashions were changing and in households like ours only on special occasions did people dine in the hall with all the servants seated below the salt.

We looked into these rooms and we were not very successful with the clues. I think our minds were not on the treasure hunt.

We mounted the staircase and went along the gallery. Fennimore sat down in one of the window seats and drew me beside him. He lifted the candle and looked into my face.

Then he set it down and said: “Linnet, there is something I have to say to you.”

My heart began to beat very fast because I knew what he was going to say and I wanted to stop him. I wanted him to wait until I had grown farther away from that night at Castle Paling. I wanted to know whether it would be possible for me to cast it right out of my mind, to forget it so completely that it would seem as though it had never happened. Until I knew, I did not want Fennimore to say what was in his mind.

He went on: “I am so happy that your parents and mine are going to work together. I admire your father so much although I am so different from him and I think he would rather I was more like he is.”

“Why should he wish that?”

“Because he is so adventurous and has led a life of great daring.”

“I gather he has not always acted admirably.”

“He is a bold captain. The Queen has complimented him. He is the kind of man who has saved this country from the Spaniards. That is why it seems so wonderful to me that he should now be ready to fight another campaign … a campaign of peace.”

“It is not necessary surely to be aggressive to succeed.”

“I do agree with you. But what I want to say to you is this. Our families will work together. Linnet, from the moment we first met I felt drawn to you. If your father had not joined with us, it would have made no difference to my feeling.”

I must stop him quickly. He must not go on and ask me to marry him … yet.

I put out a hand helplessly and he took it.

He raised it to his lips. Memory stirred within me. I could feel hot hard lips on my skin. Was I ever going to forget?

How gentle he was, how tender. I needed tenderness. What would I not have given if I could go back two months … My mother had said: “We will go by road, it is not such a long journey.” And I had been excited at the prospect. Then the scene in the inn and that nightmare moment on the road and later … that oblivion which was not quite complete and the experience which I had had no will to resist.

If only it had never happened.

He kept my hand in his. “Our families wish it, Linnet. That makes me so happy. It will be so right for us … You will not be far away from your home. Your mother will visit us. So you will not be parted. I know your love for each other.”

“Please don’t go on, Fennimore,” I said.

“Why not, Linnet? Surely you know that I love you. I believe you care for me …”

“I cannot say,” I stammered foolishly. “I must have time. It is too soon … I am not ready.”

“I should have waited awhile. You are so young and so innocent …”

I was glad that he could not see the deep flush in my cheeks. I was trying to suppress those flashes of memory. Had I been doing that ever since?

He was contrite, eager not to distress me.