Widows

‘Then listen!’ Dolly snapped. ‘And don’t call me that. I don’t like it. The Fisher Brothers want Harry’s ledgers.’

‘Why?’ Shirley asked.

‘I reckon it’s cos they’re named inside, along with their dodgy deals, and they’re scared that if the law gets their hands on ’em they’ll be in big trouble.’

‘Who’s got them?’ Considering that Shirley wasn’t the sharpest girl in the sauna, Dolly was impressed that she was the one asking the sensible questions.

‘I have,’ Dolly said calmly. As she began to explain, she spoke slowly and deliberately, emphasizing every word so the women couldn’t possibly misunderstand. Shirley visibly hung on Dolly’s every word, while Linda tipped her head back, closed her eyes and quietly listened, still panting a little in the unbearable heat. ‘Harry always said that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to be all right. He wanted his team to take over and look after all of us. One time he joked that if he died, as long as his team had the ledgers they could run the business without him. But Joe and Terry went with him, so it’s up to me now. I’m going to look after us. I’m going to look after all of us. Just like Harry wanted.’

Dolly, with hardly a bead of sweat on her, looked at Shirley’s attentive face. She wasn’t entirely sure if Shirley knew what on earth she was talking about, but at least she seemed to be listening. Then Linda sat bolt upright.

‘I can’t stand this heat much longer, I’m flaking out!’ she said.

Dolly glared at Linda, a look of seething fury on her face. Here she was, bearing her soul and Linda didn’t even have the decency to listen. She got up, gathered her towel around her and stormed out before she did something stupid, like shove Linda’s head in the sauna coals.

‘What did I do wrong?’ Linda asked Shirley. But the look on Shirley’s face was just as angry as Dolly’s.

‘Can’t you see she’s upset?’ Shirley said, ‘It must have been terrible for her, even worse than it was for us. Her old man was blown to bits and unrecognizable. They’d been married for twenty years.’

Linda jumped up from the bench. ‘An’ I ain’t upset, is that it? Just cos I don’t show it don’t mean I don’t feel things.’

Shirley tried to calm Linda, but she wasn’t having any of it, pacing and threatening to give Dolly a piece of her mind. She could easily have left the sauna and gone after Dolly, so Shirley thought it was all bravado — and then suddenly Linda stopped shouting and crumpled up on the seat, hugging her knees and burying her face in her hands. She spoke in a muffled voice.

‘I had a shower this morning and got soap in me eyes. When I tried to grab a towel from the hook on the door I picked up his dressing gown instead. I could smell him, I could still smell his body, it was as if he was right there with me again, but it was just his dressing gown...’ Linda broke down and sobbed.

Shirley’s mouth twitched as she felt the tears welling up in her, and the next minute she too was sobbing, thinking of all the things in her flat that reminded her of Terry.

When Dolly re-entered she found the pair of them in floods of tears, hugging each other. Dolly tried to keep herself in check, but then she started crying too. This was the first time Dolly had cried properly in front of anyone, but she didn’t care. It seemed OK to share her grief with the other widows; she wasn’t embarrassed or worried that they’d see her as weak. She instinctively trusted them, and this was a momentous thing for Dolly to do with anyone. Trust. This is what she needed.

The tension eased and Dolly started the conversation again.

‘When I asked you here, I wasn’t sure how much I was going to say. But now I am. We’ve got two options regarding Harry’s ledgers—’

‘We?’ Linda interrupted. At Dolly’s slight smile she quieted down and began to listen.

‘Harry planned jobs months in advance, all written down, so if the Fishers got their hands on the ledgers, they could stay on top. Just like Harry did. So, option one is that we sell the ledgers to the Fishers and they would offer us a percentage of anything they make. Or option two, if we don’t sell—’ Dolly took a deep breath as Shirley and Linda leaned in closer — ‘we pull the job Harry had lined up.’

Linda started to laugh hysterically. Shirley sat with her mouth open.

‘You are joking?’ Linda stuttered.

‘If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. But I can’t do it on my own, so I’d have to sell and the Fishers are cheap double-crossing villains and will no doubt stitch me up.’

‘We can’t do an armed robbery, Dolly,’ Shirley whispered.

‘Yes, we can. We can finish what our men started. It was a good plan that would have worked if they hadn’t used explosives.’

Linda and Shirley glanced at each other, not knowing how to respond. Was Dolly mad? Had grief tipped her over the edge?