Understanding Asexuality

Incongruity forms the basis of a number of theories of humor. One modern theory of humor that incorporates incongruity as a main concept is the “benign violation” model (McGraw & Warren, 2010). In this view, for something to be funny, it must break a norm or a rule, but it must do so benignly. The incongruity lies in the fact that we must hold two contradictory ideas in mind simultaneously: first, that a norm is being violated (which is bad), but, second, that this violation is only a gentle or benign one (which is not so bad). There is a saying in comedy, attributed to the Irish novelist Kate O’Brien, that captures the essence of this theory: “If it bends, it’s funny; if it breaks, it is not funny” (1-Love-Quotes.com, n.d.).

The appeal of the benign-violation theory comes in part from its consistency with the proposed evolutionary origins of humor in benign physical violations such as play fighting, which can also be seen in animals (Gervais & Wilson, 2005). The proponents of this theory argue that humor has a positive personal and social function in daily life; specifically, humor “provides a healthy and socially beneficial way to react to hypothetical threats, remote concerns, minor setbacks, social faux pas, cultural misunderstandings, and other benign violations people encounter on a regular basis” (McGraw & Warren, 2010, p. 1148). These theorists also argue that humor (e.g., laughter) is an important form of social communication, signaling that (benign) violations of social rules are often acceptable. In short, humor allows us to know that bending the social rules may be okay.

Another appeal of the benign-violation theory in the present context is that it suggests an additional reason why sexuality so often provides the content of humor: because it is fraught with rules, norms, and taboos. Thus, engaging in sex, regardless of the circumstances, will likely violate a social and moral guideline somewhere!

The importance of incongruity models of humor, such as benign-violation theory, cannot be overstated. Indeed, the ubiquity of some form of incongruous resolution in jokes makes benign-violation theory an appealing theory of humor in and of itself, even independent of tension theories; in fact, it is sometimes seen as a competing theory to tension-reduction models of humor (Smuts, 2009, April 12). However, these two theories of humor are perhaps more appropriately considered complementary, as they concentrate on two different elements of our mental/psychological life—cognitive and emotional, both of which are usually brought to bear by psychologists in explaining complex human behavior (see also the discussion in chapter 2 on the A, B, C, and Ds of sex). Incongruity models are “cognitive,” dealing primarily with how we process information and knowledge. Thus, these theories concern our thoughts and their organization in the mind; how, for example, one bit of information is linked to another and how readily accessible it is to our consciousness. In contrast, tension-reduction models are more emotional in nature. They deal with our emotions and arousal. Sometimes these two elements are called the “cold” (cognitive) versus “hot” (emotional) elements of psychological life. So, let us assume that both elements—some level of hot (i.e., tension) and some level of cold (i.e., incongruity of ideas)—are important in humor.{Indeed, many modern theorists argue that humor is complex and multifaceted, and one usually needs both elements, especially when actual laughter occurs. Humor, broadly defined, does not always make us laugh; perhaps tension release is even required for actual laughter to occur. We may receive a rather pleasant feeling and perhaps a smile from, for example, a clever witticism, twist, or incongruity; yet it is still humor, even though it does not evoke the deep release of a joke that causes a belly laugh. But when humor does make us laugh, there is usually some level of tension involved and released.}