Understanding Asexuality

At one point in my first paper on asexuality (Bogaert, 2004), I posed the following question: “How might people with atypical sexual proclivities respond to the statement, I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all?” This led me to ask whether some asexual people might have unusual sexual interests (i.e., paraphilias). After all, if someone is not attracted to people, they still might be attracted to something else. In a number of papers (Bogaert, 2004; Bogaert, 2006b; Bogaert, 2008), I suggested that this is an interesting possibility, but I also suggested that it is unlikely that a majority of asexual people have paraphilias, because “never having felt sexual attraction to anyone at all” implies no level of human partner involvement/interest. In short, it would exclude people who are gay, bisexual, or straight, as well as most people with an unusual sexual attraction (e.g., fetishists). This is because some level of sexual attraction to human beings remains within those with paraphilias, even if their primary interest is in a paraphilic object—for example, a fetishist’s interest in women’s high-heeled shoes. I also suggested that it is unlikely that most asexual people have an extreme paraphilia, because, first, they are quite rare, and second, most asexual people are women. Women are much less likely than men to have a paraphilia (Cantor, Blanchard, & Barbaree, 2009).

So, no (secret) sexual attractions in asexuals? Well, not necessarily. My contact with self-identified asexuals has suggested that some do indeed have very unusual sexual attractions, even if they have reported little or no sexual attraction to human beings (Bogaert, 2008). For example, some masturbating asexuals have indicated to me that there is a persistent theme, often very unusual, in their sexual fantasies. In other words, some people who lack attraction to others, some of whom identify as asexuals, do indeed have a paraphilia.{It is important to remember that many asexuals do not masturbate and/or have no fantasies (or at least no consistent theme in them), and hence do not have a paraphilia (see chapter 5 on masturbation).}

Also, the issue raised in chapter 5 of the “disconnect” between fantasy and masturbation for some asexuals is relevant here. In particular, the fantasies of asexual people, when they do occur in a consistent or systematic way, often are constructed in such a way that they themselves are not part of the sexual acts they are fantasizing about or viewing (e.g., as in viewing a porn film)—in other words, they are not connected to anything or anyone sexual. It is as if their bodies, or (more correctly) aspects of their mind related to sexual arousal but not fully connected to their identity, need sexual stimulation to receive sexual release/pleasure. This is true even if their own identities, or who they are as individuals, are not sexual (i.e., not sexually attracted to others).

One asexual person on the AVEN website describes it this way: “I almost invariably think of fictional characters. My thoughts have never involved people I know, and they have never involved myself” (Vicious Trollop, 2005, July 25). Another on AVEN writes, “It’s scenes in 3rd person; I may have a generic male character which is kind of me, but it’s still separate from me, mentally watched rather than participated in” (Teddy Miller, 2005, July 25).

Still another AVEN participant writes, “The point isn’t voyeurism, either: the scene doesn’t turn me on because I’m watching it, it turns me on because it’s sexually charged (and I’m acting as an emotional leech). I may have a character that I identify more with… but it’s not a stand-in for me; it acts like a viewpoint character in fiction” (Eta Carinae, 2005, July 25).

These quotes suggest that some asexual people’s fantasies, when they do have them, do not involve their own identities. Instead, their fantasies more often involve people they do not know or, more specifically, fictional characters or no one that could be connected to their identity in real life. These themes reinforce the idea that many masturbating asexuals may need sexual stimulation to receive sexual release/pleasure, but this stimulation is disconnected from their identities.

One question that emerges is this: Do these people have a “sexual orientation”—that is, a persistent erotic inclination toward others—given that they seek out and respond to consistent forms of sexual stimuli that contain people? This is an interesting question, at least to me. It might be argued that their bodies (or, more accurately, aspects of their brains related to arousal) do have a “sexual orientation” of sorts, but that they themselves, or their identities, do not.