Under the Lights

“What if you are?” she challenges. “Like boys all you want, Park. It still won’t fix this. I’m bi and I promise you, it’s not a fucking light switch. You can’t just set it on ‘boy’ because it’s inconvenient that you like a girl right now. Widening your options doesn’t change the feelings you have. Trust me — if I could lie awake at night thinking about anybody else, I would.”

The truth in her words squeezes my heart so tightly I can barely breathe. I know my life would be so much easier if I liked Zander the way I’m supposed to. But I’ve tried for years to want the guys everyone else wants me to be with — guys hand-picked by my parents or Ally or Jade. And none of it mattered. Whatever label I give myself, or the media gives me, it won’t change the fact that I’ve never felt about anyone the way I do for the tattooed redheaded girl in front of me.

Bri’s face softens. “Look, I get the predicament you’re in. I may have been a few years younger than you when I realized I was bi, and obviously I’m not a celebrity, but it had its moments of suck. But I’m out. I’ve been through the ‘mess around with confused straight girls’ phase, and I can’t do it again. Not with someone capable of breaking my heart.”

I don’t respond. I can’t. If I open my mouth, I will cry.

I can tell that she knows it. She sighs again, gently this time, and kisses me on the forehead. “You’re gonna be okay, Park.”

A single tear leaks out of one eye, and I swipe it away quickly. So freaking embarrassing to lose my shit here while Bri is walking out for the last time, all confident and noble and sure in what she wants. Another tear spills from the other eye, but Bri reaches out to wipe it away before I can.

I don’t even know I’m going to kiss her until I do. But her hand is on my face, and her touch is so gentle, and she’s so close, and I just do it. Just for a moment. And then I pull back like I’ve been burned, because I know I’m being unfair, and wrong, and she just said she didn’t want this. But her fingers tangle in my hair as she pulls me back and it’s not just me, it’s her, and it’s us, and obviously, neither of us is ready to say goodbye just yet.

Chapter Twenty-One Josh

The sunshine feels awful in my eyes as I let myself out of the house, but there’s no sign of K-drama anywhere. Bri’s car’s still in the driveway, which makes me think she’s in the guest house, and I wonder if she’s fallen asleep. Can’t really blame her, given that I woke her up at the ass-crack of dawn. I probably have to let her yell at me now, but I’m hoping she’ll take pity on my hangover and let it go this time.

As if that’s likely.

When I approach the guest house, I catch a glimpse of her through the glass doors. She’s definitely not in bed. And then I see a pair of pale legs and I realize she’s not alone, either. Bri must still be here, which means whatever their fight was, it was probably pretty bad. Not such a shock, considering Bri’s the spawn of Satan. She seems okay as far as I can tell, but no one who sprang from Jade Harris’s loins can be certifiably sane.

I’m still out of visibility for both girls, and out of curiosity, I stay that way. It looks like Bri’s leaving, but I can’t read the look on her face. What the hell is up with—

My brain short-circuits completely as K-drama suddenly…kisses her. Full on the mouth. Exactly the kind of thing fantasies are made of, except when it’s the girl you want laying it on someone who’s not you.

They part, but only for a second, and I don’t even know how long they go on for, but I can’t tear my eyes off of them. But as suddenly as it started, Bri yanks herself away and bolts for the door. It hits me a second too late that she’s about to spot me, and though I jump out of the way, I’m not fast enough. Her face pales when she sees me, and her mouth drops open. For a second, I think she’s gonna run, but all she does is join me out of Vanessa’s eyeline.

“That…that wasn’t what you think,” she says. “I mean, I don’t know what you saw. If you even saw anything.” She buries her face in her hands. “Christ.”

“Yeah, definitely sounds like there was nothing going on,” I say. My voice sounds even dryer than usual, and I’m glad she doesn’t know me well enough to tell something’s wrong. “Why don’t you explain, then?”

“It wasn’t anything. It just happened, and it doesn’t mean anything. We’re friends, okay?”

I hold up my hands. “Sure, if that’s your story. I wouldn’t say that seemed particularly friendly, though.”

“Josh.” She bites her lip, and it looks borderline painful. “You can’t tell her — or anyone else — that you saw that. Please tell me you won’t say a word to her. Just forget it, okay? I’m begging you.”

My eyebrows shoot up, and I realize there is far more going on here than I thought. But it’s clear I’m not going to get any answers from Bri, and honestly, all I really want is to talk to K-drama, so I just nod curtly. “I won’t,” I say, meaning it.