Under the Lights

Next to me, my phone rings, cutting into my thoughts, and I look down to see Ally’s name and picture on the screen. I’ve been dying to talk to her, but now I hesitate. I don’t know how to say this to her over the phone, to tell her I’m not the person she thought I was — not the person we thought I was. I don’t know if it changes things, but I know I don’t want it to. I think of how often we’ve tried on clothes for each other, swum together, seen each other in next to nothing. Never once did I look at her as anything more than a friend. It would kill me if she thought I had.

Still, I need to hear her voice. I scoop up the phone and answer it. “Hey, A. Guess you got my text.”

“I just did,” she says, yawning. “How do you sound more awake than I do?”

“I never really went to sleep,” I admit. “I’m actually sitting on the beach right now. It’s pretty nice first thing in the morning.”

“Are you…at Josh’s?”

“I stayed in his guest house.” I dig my fingers into the sand until I hit the damp layer underneath. “It was a weird night. I couldn’t go home.”

“What’s going on?”

I can’t tell her just yet. I can’t. But I can tell her the other stuff; if anyone would understand iffy feelings on publicity plans, it’s Ally. I chew on my lip and dig my nails in deep. “It’s about Zander. He wants to…get more serious.”

“Like… ‘ukelele’ serious?”

I almost laugh at her mention of our “I-lost-my-virginity” code word, but the fact that she invokes it here when the reality is actually the complete opposite is even more sad than funny. “No, not exactly,” I say on an exhale. “He thinks we should wait until marriage. He wants us to make a purity pledge.”

“I’m sorry, what? Marriage? Are you planning on marrying Zander now? I mean, don’t get me wrong, he seems nice, but…I didn’t think you guys were quite that serious.”

“We’re not.” I take a deep breath of ocean air as I claw up a clump of dirt and then release it. “He and Jade convinced me to think about it and said I’d be a role model, but I don’t think I can do it. Jade will kill me if I don’t, and I’m pretty sure Zander would break up with me—”

“Vanny, if you think Zander would break up with you for not wanting to commit to this, then he’s definitely not someone you should even be considering doing this for. Please tell me you know that.”

I nod, then realize she can’t see me. “I do. I just… then what? What—” I break off as I hear the beep of another incoming call, and look to see who it is.

Zander. Definitely not up to talking to him right now. I put the phone back to my ear. “Sorry, just Zander calling. I’m ignoring.”

“How romantic,” she teases. “You were saying?”

I was going to say that I actually like someone else, but now, seeing Zander’s name pop up, I realize I can’t acknowledge anything about Bri until I clean up this whole mess with him. I need to tell him it’s over and that I’m not doing this purity pledge. It’s obviously not the right move for me. I never felt about him the way I should, and now that I know why, I know I never will.

“I think I have to rip off the Band-Aid with Zander. Today. I’m pretty sure Jade will fire me, but—”

My phone beeps again, and I glance at the screen. Speak of the devil. “I can ignore Jade, too, right?”

Ally shudders. “If she heard me telling you that was okay, she’d probably have me shot.”

I glance again and realize I also have three text messages. Make that four. Now six. A cold fist squeezes my gut. “A, I hate to ask this, but…can you check CelebriTeens.com? I have a feeling something’s happening right now.”

“Hold on a sec — let me get to my laptop.” I hear a little fumbling and then the sounds of clicking keys. “Okay, let me see…Oh. Crap.”

A breeze floats over the ocean and leaves goose bumps all over my body, even the skin wrapped in the towels. “How bad is it?”

“Um, I don’t really wanna answer that.”

“A!”

She sighs. “It’s a huge story about how you’re screwing around on Zander with Josh. There are pictures of you making out—”

“What? I have never — oh, God. Those must be from the set. We’re acting. Our characters hook up.”

“And pictures of you guys dirty dancing from last night and pictures of you leaving together. I’m gonna guess there are paparazzi waiting for you outside Josh’s house right now, too.” She clucks her tongue. “There is a lot of evidence here, Van. I think you would’ve told me if you were, but I kinda have to ask—are you hooking up with Josh?”

“No! Of course not! God, A, you know me better than that.”

“I thought I did! But this…Jesus. I’m still scrolling down this thing. They have pictures and quotes and all this stuff. Even Shannah Barrett’s quoted here as talking about how you clearly have a thing for him.”

This is such a mess. No wonder Zander and Jade are blowing up my phone so early in the morning. I hop up from the sand and make my way back up to Josh’s house, needing to know if he’s seen any of this yet. I don’t see any lights on, though, which makes sense; Josh isn’t exactly a morning person.