Under the Lights

“I’m fine,” I lie. My tongue feels like it’s sticking to my mouth, but I can’t bring myself to make Bri run errands for me. Having her hold the door open for me right now is bad enough. “Thanks.”

She nods curtly and turns, but then Jade calls her name, and she turns back. “Yes?”

“Why don’t you sit in with us?” Jade suggests. “You might learn something here, or even have a helpful suggestion of your own.”

“I highly doubt that,” Bri mutters under her breath, but she follows me in anyway. She takes a seat across from Zander, which leaves me two options — sitting next to him or sitting next to her. I do the former, and he immediately leans over to give me a peck on the cheek.

I pretend not to notice that Bri looks away when he does.

“So!” Jade says sunnily. “I’m glad you guys could make it in on a Saturday. I know we’re all busy, so let’s make this quick. I’m thinking we make this happen tonight at—”

“Wait,” I interrupt. “I can’t do tonight. I have plans. I promised.”

Jade raises an eyebrow. “What does that mean, you promised?”

I look helplessly at Bri — I know she was there for the Josh disaster and can back me up — but she’s staring at her fingernails like the secret to perfect lowlights is reflected in the black lacquer. “I was helping Josh out of a tricky situation, and I promised I’d go to a club with him tonight for his family’s reality show. It’s not a big deal. But I did say I’d be there and I did say tonight. Can we just do this tomorrow?”

Zander and Jade exchange a glance. “You’re going out with Josh Chester tonight?” Zander says, his voice practically a squeak. “How’s that gonna look?”

“Josh and some other people,” I reply. “And it’s gonna look like I’m hanging out with a friend and costar.” Okay, “friend” might be a stretch, but Zander’s tone and question are bugging me. I don’t tell him not to hang out with his annoying bandmates; he shouldn’t be doing that to me. “You should come, especially if you’re concerned.”

“To a club?” says Jade. “No. Zander does not go to clubs. And neither do you, missy.”

Bri snorts, and I’m so relieved to hear her make a happy sound that it totally bolsters me to bite back. “I do tonight.”

“Vanessa,” Jade says seriously, “you cannot be seen — and filmed—at a club with Josh Chester and his friends. Remember, we’re going for a wholesome role model image. That’s the point here. You’re going to have millions of girls looking up to you and wanting to be you. Being consistent is extremely important.”

“But what if I don’t consistently feel like Miss Purity Pledge?” I blurt out.

Zander reaches over and takes my hand. “Vanessa, sweetheart.” (He has never, ever called me sweetheart, except in front of cameras.) “I know you’re nervous, and I understand — this is a big step. But we love each other. This is the right thing.”

We love each other? How on earth does he sound so sincere? Why is he even bothering in front of just Jade and Brianna? Did I miss some sort of memo?

“Zander…” I start to pull my hand back, but he just squeezes it. I can feel Bri’s eyes burning lasers, cutting through his palm to mine. “I don’t…I’m not…I need more time to think about this. But I am going to the club with Josh tonight,” I say, quietly but firmly. It’s not even really about Josh now, or about the promise I made; I need more time to think about this, and this is the perfect way to buy it.

Besides, I’m sick of being told what to do.

“I’ll go with her,” Bri says suddenly, and all heads swivel in her direction. “I’ll make sure everything looks on the up-and-up, that it’s clear Vanessa and Josh are just friends and she’s there for moral support. No drinking — nothing.”

Considering I’m still feeling sick to my stomach, the idea of drinking tonight doesn’t really hold much appeal for me anyway.

The idea of Bri in clubwear, sitting by my side all night, however, holds way too much.

“I still don’t like this,” says Zander, scrunching up his nose like a bratty little kid. “We’re supposed to be committing to each other, Vanessa. How’s it gonna look if you go out tonight with another guy?”

“I’m not going out with Josh.” I shudder at the thought, and Bri cracking a grin next to me might as well be the hand squeeze I could totally use right now. “I’m going out with a group of people that happens to include Josh. And like I said, if you’re that concerned, just come with me. Bri can babysit us both.”

Under the table, though, I’m gripping the rim of my chair with both hands, praying he’ll say no. I don’t want him there, I realize with a clarity that scares me. I want to party with my friends and hang out with Bri somewhere other than a mall or yoga studio or Josh’s house. And I want to do all of that more than I want to spend time with the guy who’s supposed to be putting a ring on my finger for the world to see.

What kind of role model does that make me? Jade’s eyes flash.