Under the Lights

“I’ve got a friend who needs a job.”

I snort. Of course he does. My cousin attracts losers like a game of beer pong at a frat party, and has a new favor to ask of me every hour. That’s what happens when your growth spurt never comes and you realize you peaked at eleven. “Is your friend hot?”

“Depends. How gay are you feeling today?”

“You stupid dick. I told you — no male assistants. Call me back when you find a hot female friend who needs a job washing my car in a thong.” I hang up and toss my phone on the pile of scripts.

“I thought the whole point of hiring Ally was that you wanted an assistant you weren’t gonna try to nail,” says Liam.

“Yeah, well, I’m trying not to be too picky.”

“But no male assistants?”

“I don’t want anyone around who’s gonna steal my shit. That means clothing or chicks.”

“Did you seriously just refer to girls as your ‘shit’?” Liam rolls his eyes. “Christ, no wonder you’re single.”

“Actually, I’m single because it’s fun as hell, chicks are boring after a day, and I like to sleep in the middle of my bed.” I toss the last script — one of those ensemble pieces of shit that drop your cred faster than a crotch shot — and grab my phone back to mess around on the Internet. I fucking love adoring tweets. “Remember when you used to enjoy being single?”

“About a billionth as much as I enjoy not being single.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re so whipped.”

“If you think I’ve got any shame about that, you’re talking to the wrong guy.”

“Don’t I know it.” The truth is, for all the shit I give him about Ally, it’s cool to see Liam this happy. He’s been through so much, I can’t be pissed about this, no matter how badly I miss my top wingman. And at least Ally doesn’t suck at life. “I forget sometimes that you’re one of those happy pod people now.”

“You will be someday, too,” he assures me with a smug grin. “And when that happens, I’ll laugh my ass off.”

“Not a chance. Lifetime bachelor, man.” I bring the beer back to my lips, but it’s so warm it’s like drinking piss. I put it back down. “You wanna grab some boards and go down to the beach?”

“Pick a script, Chester. Seriously. You haven’t done anything but Aspen ads in months, and Ally’s worried about you. Just try one so she can stop feeling like she’s leaving a baby on a convent doorstep by abandoning you for Columbia, will you?”

“Oh, fuck off.” I reach back into the pile and grab one, then hand it to Liam without even looking. “There, now you can tell your girlfriend you did your job, which is really her job. And since I actually have you without her for five seconds, can we talk party?”

He groans, and I know what’s coming. He’s convinced Ally will hate having a goodbye party, but I don’t give a crap, even though he’s probably right. If I’m losing my assistant, I’m losing her in style.

“Don’t even think about trying to talk me out of it,” I warn him. “This party is happening, and it’s gonna be epic.”

“Talk to Vanessa about it,” he says with a sigh. “You know I suck at this.”

“Ah, yes, how is your former fake-girlfriend?”

Liam glares at me. “Never mind. You’re beyond help.”

“Oh, buy a sense of humor, Holloway. You need to get out more. What are you doing tonight?”

“Reading scripts until Ally comes over for dinner. Probably watching a movie.”

“You two watch more movies than anyone I know,” I say with disgust, “which, considering we’re both actors, is ridiculous. Please tell me you don’t actually watch them.”

He shrugs, but he’s incapable of stopping a smile from spreading across his face.

“Good man. Though I don’t know how you guys manage to do the sleepover thing so often while she’s living at home. Doesn’t she have mythical unicorn parents who actually give a crap?”

“Yeah — that’s why we tell them she stays in your guest house when you keep her in Malibu too late. Thanks for the great excuse, by the way.”

“Oh, come on. They don’t actually believe that shit.”

“It’s amazing what parents will want to believe when it comes to their daughters.”

“They must despise you.”

He laughs. “If they do, they hide it really well. And in return, I make no references to the fact that I can find every single freckle on their daughter’s body with my eyes closed. Everybody wins.” He glances at his watch, then pushes himself up to standing. “And on that note, I gotta go. But call Van, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” We bro-slap five, and he heads out, leaving me to my quiet backyard, a pile of crap-on-paper, and no clue how I’m gonna function without the girl who keeps my life together.

* * *

I don’t really need a new assistant. After all, before I hired Ally, I was doing just fine with only an agent (who’s since been replaced), a manager (who quit after I hooked up with his daughter…okay, daughters), a driver, and a maid. But as I walk around my bedroom in the Malibu beach house I’ve turned into my fulltime residence, I feel like she’s inserted herself into my life as a necessity.