Triggers

Ah! It must be one of those Enterphone things, like at Rodger’s place; Rodger was Tony’s best friend. She picked up the handset. “Hello?”

“It’s Nikki Van Hausen. I’m downstairs.”

“Ah, okay. Um, damn, I don’t know what to do to let you in.”

“Press six,” said Nikki—like she’d been here a million times before, like she fucking lived here.

Jan did so. She heard an electric whine through the handset and then that connection, at least, broke. She straightened her hair in the mirrored door to the entryway closet, then looked through the peephole in Eric’s front door, and saw—

It was like the tunnel vision she’d had when Josh Latimer was dying. She saw a woman, impossibly small, impossibly far away, coming toward her, closer and closer and—

And Jan opened the door. There’d been a picture of Nikki on her website. In it, Nikki had reddish hair, but now she had light brown hair with blonde streaks—and she was a few years older; she looked to be in her mid-thirties.

“Sorry I’m late,” Nikki said. “Weather’s getting hairy out there.” But then she stopped and just stared at Janis. “Wow,” she said softly.

“What?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s strange seeing you. Eric’s memories of you are flashes, you know? Your smile, your teeth, you tossing your head a certain way, the tattoo—he loves the tattoo. But to see it all brought together is…”

“What?”

“He remembers you as being beautiful, of course. But, well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and…” She shrugged a little. “And, well, it’s interesting to see, that’s all.”

“Oh?” said Janis, a little defensively.

Nikki lifted a hand. “Sorry, I’m not saying this right. What I mean is, you are absolutely lovely. I can see why Eric fell for you so hard.”

Jan’s heart skipped a beat. “Fell for me?”

“He’s crazy about you,” Nikki said. “But he knows you’re vulnerable, and he doesn’t want to take advantage. Plus, there’s the age thing.”

“Who cares about that?” Jan said.

“He does. It really bothers him.”

“It shouldn’t.”

They were still standing in the entryway. Jan took Nikki’s coat and motioned for her to go into the apartment proper. As Nikki walked ahead, Jan said, “Can I offer you a drink? Coffee?”

“I’m fine,” Nikki said, entering the living room—but she came to a stop so suddenly that Jan actually bumped into her from behind.

“Sorry!” Nikki said. “I’m sorry. It’s just that…”

Jan moved to stand beside her and saw the wonder on Nikki’s face. “Yes?”

“It’s like I know this place,” Nikki said. “Like I’ve been here before.” She began walking again, looking around the living room. When she came to the bookshelf with the “Champ” medallion on it, she gently picked it up.

“What’s it for?” Jan asked.

“Hmmm?” said Nikki. “Oh. He got it at the hospital, five years ago. He brought in the most donations for the Christmas charity drive.”

Jan half smiled. That was Eric, all right: forever trying to help those in need. But the smile quickly faded. This woman would always know him better than Jan ever could. “It’s cruel,” she said.

“What?”

“This—this thing that’s happened to us. Why couldn’t it have been reciprocal? Why couldn’t you be linked to the same person that’s linked to you?”

“I don’t know,” Nikki said. “It is what it is.”

“Yeah,” said Jan, very softly.

“Why did you want to see me?”

Jan looked at her, then looked away. “I’m sorry, it was stupid. I just didn’t know what to do. I, um, you—you know everything Eric knows, and, well…”

“He really does care about you, if that’s what you’re asking me.”

Jan did manage to meet her eyes. “Actually, no. I don’t have any doubts about that.”

“But you keep asking yourself, how can he like me when he knows this about me, or that about my past, or that I did whatever, right?”

Jan nodded.

“Different people react differently, I guess,” said Nikki. “I know comparable stuff about Eric. But he and I didn’t know each other before the linkages, so, um, like…okay, you ever read People?”

“What?”

“People, the magazine. Or Us. Or any of those. The magazines that tell you all about the private lives of celebrities.”

“Sometimes in my dentist’s waiting room, I guess,” said Jan.

“Well, Eric is like that to me. He’s like Angelina Jolie or Johnny Depp or some other celebrity that I don’t know personally, but I know everything about. Yes, I know his dirty secrets—minor though they are—including all kinds of stuff I’m sure he wishes really was private. But so what? It doesn’t affect me, and it’s not like I’m going to do anything with the information.”

“I know, but…” Jan blew out air. “Sorry. I have no idea how to deal with this.”

“But surely you must be going through the same thing, no?” asked Nikki. “You must be linked to somebody else, right?”

“I was,” said Jan, softly. “He died.”

“Oh!” said Nikki, and Jan saw her eyes flicking left and right rapidly as she assimilated Eric’s memories related to that. “Oh my God—just this afternoon. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m trying not to think about it.”