Triggers

And, damn it all, he kept accessing Janis Falconi’s memories. He didn’t want them. He didn’t want them at all. Yes, it was flattering—and surprising!—to know that she found him attractive. But he felt like a stalker, like he was invading her life, like a total fucking creep. That they both worked at LT just made matters worse: so many things here triggered him to recall her memories. That painting on the corridor wall: he’d never really noticed it before, but she’d stopped and looked at it repeatedly. Of course: she was an artist in her own right, he knew. And that orderly, there, walking toward him, whose name he’d never known before, was Scott Edwards, who had hit on Jan repeatedly.

He didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to know any of it. But he knew it all; for any question he wondered about, the answer instantly came to him. How much she made, when and where she’d lost her virginity, and—Christ—what her menstrual cramps felt like. He hadn’t wondered about that—what man would?—but seeing the wall calendar, there, had brought to mind that her period had just ended, and that had led to the recollection of the pains.

He tried not to think about anything intrusive, but that was impossible. Telling himself not to wonder about her sex life had the same effect as wondering about her sex life: it immediately brought memories to mind of her and her husband Tony, and—

Damn it.

Tony pushing into her, even though she wasn’t wet.

And his inability to keep from ejaculating almost at once.

And his rolling off her, and lying on his side, his back to her, ignoring her after he was done, leaving her sad and frustrated and unfulfilled, and—

Damn it, damn it, damn it! He didn’t want any of this, and—

And he was passing a woman’s washroom now, and—

Oh, Christ, no.

But it came to him.

Her, in there.

At night.

No one else around.

And—

And Janis was a nurse, and she had access to all sorts of drugs, including ones designed to make pain go away, and she’d been in so much pain because of Tony for so long now. He saw her tattooed arm, recalling it in much greater detail than he could have on his own, knowing the pattern of stripes on the tiger, the deployment of its claws, the glint in its eyes. He knew it like—well, yes, the cliché applied—like the back of his own hand. But that arm was holding a syringe, and Janis was injecting herself.

For once, he did try to search her memories, looking for any sign that she was a diabetic, but—

But no. He knew what he was seeing, what he was recalling. She was shooting up. To make life bearable, to get her though the day.

He was sympathetic. He knew drug addiction was common among nurses and doctors, but he did not wish to know her secrets, damn it. And, for God’s sake, he was obligated to report this, but—

But what would he report? That he thought he remembered her shooting up? She hadn’t willingly shared that with him, and he hadn’t stumbled upon evidence. It was just in his head.

He continued to walk the corridors of the hospital, hating himself for invading her privacy and wishing it would all come to an end.

Chapter 17

Orrin Gillett came out of the room Agent Dawson was using for interviews. Rachel Cohen closed the magazine and put it back on the little table next to her chair, walked the short distance to where he was, and smiled her sweetest smile. “Hi,” she said.

Orrin looked startled that she was still here. “Oh, hi,” he replied. It wasn’t nearly as sunny a greeting as before. “So I’m guessing from what you said before that you’re the person who’s reading me, right?”

Rachel nodded. “Right. Care to go for a walk?”

“They’re not letting us leave the hospital yet.”

“No. But we can go down to the lobby; the cafeteria’s there. Maybe get a bite to eat.”

“All right,” Orrin said, but he sounded distracted.

“’Kay,” she replied. “Just a sec.” She went to a nearby drinking fountain and bent over to get some water, her jeans pulling tight as she did so. It was a bit tricky to glance at him from this posture, but—yes—Orrin was checking her out. She allowed herself a smile that he couldn’t see, then walked back to him. “Shall we go?”

Peter Muilenburg and a half-dozen senior strategists were poring over weather forecasts for the target sites. The door opened, and a male aide came in. “Excuse me, Mr. Secretary.”

“Yes?” replied Muilenburg.

“I’ve just gotten off the phone with the Secret Service agent-in-charge at Lima Tango, a Susan Dawson. They’re getting a better handle on what’s happening there. Yes, it seems clear that someone has access to Jerrison’s memories, but they’re just like any memories. Unless something brings a specific one to mind, you’re not even aware you have that memory. It takes something to trigger it.”

Muilenburg looked up at the display board, and he saw the call sign CVN-74, representing the U.S.S. John C. Stennis, move a bit closer to its target position.