Thud

`No, sir. Dwarfs put them on later. I'm not too well up on this. I think when they're first found they mostly have natural noises, like moving water or birdsong or rocks moving, that sort of thing. The grags find out how to get rid of those to make room for words, I think. I did hear about one that was the sounds of a forest. Ten years of sounds, in a cube less than two inches across.' `And they're valuable, these things?'

`Unbelievably valuable, especially the cubes. Worth mining through a mountain of granite, as we say ... er, that's a dwarf we, not a copper "we", sir.

`So digging through a few thousand tons of Ankh-Morpork muck would be worth it, then?'

`For a cube? Yes! Is that what all this is about? But how would it get here? The average dwarf might never see one in his whole life. Only grags and great chieftains use them! And why would it be talking? All dwarf ones can only be brought to life by a key word!'

`Search me. What do they look like? Apart from being cubical, I assume?'

`I've only ever seen a few, sir. They're, oh, up to six inches on a side, look like old bronze, and they glitter.'

`Green and blue?' said Vimes sharply.

`Yes, sir! They had a few in the mine in Treacle Street.'

`I think I saw them,' said Vimes. `And I think they've got one more. Voices from the past, eh? How come I've never heard of them before?'

Carrot hesitated. `You're a very busy man, sir. You can't know everything.'

Vimes detected just a soupcon of a smidgen of a reproach there. `Are you saying I'm a man of narrow horizons, captain?'

`Oh no, sir. You're interested in every aspect of police work and criminology.'

Sometimes it was impossible to read Captain Carrot's face. Vimes didn't bother to try.

`I'm missing something,' he said. `But this is about Koom Valley, I know it. Look, what is the secret of Koom Valley?'

`I don't know, sir. I don't think there is one. I suppose the big secret would be which side attacked first. You know, sir, both sides say they were ambushed by the other side.'

`Does that sound very interesting to you?' said Vimes. `Would it matter much now?'

`Who started it all? I should say so, sir!' said Carrot.

`But I thought they'd been scrapping since time began?'

`Yes. But Koom Valley was the first official one, sir.'

`Who won?' said Vimes.

`Sir?'

`It's not a difficult question, is it? Who won the first battle of Koom Valley?'

`I suppose you could say it was rained off, sir,' said Carrot.

`They stopped a grudge match like that because of a bit of rain?'

`For a lot of rain, sir. A thunderstorm just sat there in the mountains above it. There were flash floods, full of boulders. The fighters were knocked off their feet and washed away, some were struck by lightning-'

`It quite ruined the whole day,' said Vimes. `All right, captain, do we have any idea where the bastards have gone?'

`They had an escape tunnel-'

`I bet they did!'

-and collapsed it after them. I've got men digging-'

`Stand them down. They could be in a safe house, they could have got out in a cart, hell, they could all be wearing helmets and chain mail and passing for city dwarfs. Enough of that. We've been running people ragged. Let them go for now. I think we'll be able to find them again.'

`Yes, sir. The grags went so fast, sir, that they left some other Devices. I have secured them for the city. They must have been very frightened. They just took the cubes and ran. Are you all right, sir? You look a bit flustered.'

`Actually, captain, I feel inexplicably cheerful. Would you like to hear how my day went?'

The showers in the Watch House were the talk of the city. Vimes had paid for them himself, after Vetinari made an acidic comment about the cost. They were a bit primitive and were really no more than watering-can heads connected to a couple of water tanks on the next floor, but after a night in Ankh-Morpork's underworld the thought of being really clean was very attractive. Even so, Angua hesitated.

`This is wonderful,' said Sally, turning gently under a spray. `What's wrong?'

`Look, I'm dealing with it, all right?' snapped Angua, standing just beyond the shower. `It's full moon, okay? The wolf is a bit strong.'

Sally stopped scrubbing. `Oh, I see,' she said. `Is it the whole B.A.T.H. thing?'

`You just had to say that, didn't you?' said Angua, and forced herself to step on to the tiles.

`Well, what do you do normally?' said Sally, handing her the soap.

`Cold water, and pretend it's rain. Don't you dare laugh! Change of subject, right now!'

`All right. What did you think of Nobby's girlfriend?' said Sally. `Tawneee? Friendly. Good-looking. .

`Try perfect physical beauty? Astonishing proportions? A walking classic?'

`Well ... yes. Pretty much,' Angua conceded. `And all that is Nobby Nobbs's girlfriend?'

`She seems to think so.'

`You're not telling me she deserves Nobby?' said Sally.

`Look, Verity Pushpram doesn't deserve Nobby, and she's got a weird squint, arms like a stevedore and cooks shellfish for a living,' said Angua. `That's how things are.'

`Is she his old girlfriend?'