The Undertaker

We sat side-by-side on the lower bunk for the next ten, very awkward minutes, waiting for the train to leave. “I don't know about you,” I said, “but I'm exhausted.”

“I'll flip you for the lower,” she said, patting the bunk.

“No way.” I sprawled out on my back. “I'm too damned tired to climb.”

Finally, the train shuddered and began to move. It slowly gathered speed and pulled out of the station and we began to relax.

“Okay. I'm going to take a shower and wash my hair,” Sandy announced as she stood up in front of me. “But you and I need to get a couple of things straight.” She pulled her new blue top over her head and stood in front of me in her bra, which wasn't much more than a very thin strip of form-fitting, silk. “I usually sleep in the nude, but I promised you I'd behave. I'm not going to sleep in my new clothes either, so that only leaves the bra and panties, okay?” She looked down at me, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't. “Besides, by the time you and I reach Boston tomorrow night, there won't be much we haven't seen or bumped into, no matter what we wear or don't wear.”

“I guess you're right,” I said.

“Good, because I don't want to upset you again.”

“You aren't upsetting me.”

“No? Well that's good to hear.” She was watching my eyes as she let the skirt-shorts drop to the floor and she stood there in her panties. There wasn't very much to them either, and a thin smile crossed her lips as she knew I was lying.

“I assume you'll keep your shorts on,” she added. “I don't think I could stand the excitement.” With that, she turned, went into the shower, and closed the door. I stripped down to my shorts and turned out the light. I reached down to the end of the bed and raised the window shade half-way up so I could see outside. There was a thin, quarter-moon in the sky, and thin clouds racing by. I slipped under the sheet and soon heard the water running.

Twenty minutes later, the shower door opened and Sandy walked past me. There were three foot holds on the end wall. She scampered into the upper bunk without saying a word. I didn't either, but neither could I fall asleep. I lay on my back with my eyes closed. Every few minutes, she would flip noisily from one side to the other, fluff the pillow, pull the blanket up, then push it down, and then flip back over again. This went on for another twenty minutes.

“Pe-ter,” I finally heard a little-girl voice call down to me. I opened my eyes and saw her face looking over the side of the bunk at me. “Can I come down there? Just to sleep. Please? I really, really promise I'll behave, but I hate it up here and I don't want to be alone tonight. Just let me be next to you, like in the movie theater, please?”

The bunk was only three feet wide. I never said yes, but as I shifted back against the wall, she was out of her bunk, down in mine, and under the sheet before I could say no.

She pressed her bare back up against me and pulled my arm over her. “Thank you,” she said. “Good night.” She yawned and the next thing I heard were soft, sleep sounds.

I raised my head and looked at her. I couldn't believe it, but she really was asleep. Lying there in the faint moonlight, I thought she was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen – childlike, yet all woman. Me? I was afraid to move. Lying next to each other like that, we had a lot of skin touching and I could feel the firm contours of her body pressed against me. I could feel her soft breathing. I could smell her hair right under my nose, and a hint of perfume. This was the closest I had come to girl smells in a long, long time and I realized how much I missed them. Behaving? God, I really wished she wasn't.

In the hospital, toward the end, Terri and I had talked about this. “I love you, Peter, but when I'm gone, you've got to move on,” Terri said. “Promise me you'll find someone.”

“I promise,” I humored her, but I had no idea then what that would mean.

“I know you Peter Talbott. You weren't meant to be alone. You have too much to give and you must find someone to give it to. Now promise me. If you don't, I'm going to haunt you.” That was our joke then. Now, I wasn't so sure.