The Undead Pool

“And you’re a Peeping Tom,” I accused when the shower went on and Trent couldn’t hear us. His beard would have grown in soft. I could almost feel it on my fingers right now.

Jenks flew in, the greenish-purple dust telling me he was pissed if his scowl wasn’t enough. “I am not. I like happy endings, and you’re ruining it!”

“Whose happy ending?” I said as the church’s door opened and a pixy sang out a cheerful greeting. “Not mine.”

“Rache . . .” Jenks rose up, his expression pleading as his dust hit the pan and sparkled. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re perfect for each other! You irritate people, and he smooths things out. You have good mojo, and he only thinks he does. You’re broke, and he’s rich. You’ve got those weird feet of yours, and he’s got them cute ears.”

“Stop it!” I whispered, not wanting Ivy to hear. “It was a mistake going on that date, and I won’t jeopardize his future with Ellasbeth and the girls.”

“Rachel?” Ivy’s voice lifted through the church. “Why is there a horse in our backyard?”

I gave Jenks a look to shut up, and he flipped me off. Her footsteps sounded closer, and I went to the stove and turned the flame down, pretending to be busy.

“Who’s in the shower?” she asked as she came in, looking refreshed in her black slacks and tailored jacket.

“Trent,” Jenks said. “And Rachel is dumber than Tink’s little pink dildo.”

“Oh my God!” Ivy said, eyes wide. “You didn’t!”

“No!” I shouted, my frustration coming out as anger. “I didn’t!”

Ivy’s expression went wide-eyed. “But . . . he spent the night?”

Jenks frowned, hands in his pockets. “That’s what I’m telling you. She didn’t. Biggest mistake she’s made since quitting the I.S.”

“Shut up, Jenks,” I said, tossing a piece of bread into Trent’s egg mix and pushing on it until it accidentally tore. “We didn’t. He slept in the belfry.”

Wings humming, Jenks went to sit on the sill. “Dumbest thing I’ve ever seen,” he grumbled, and Ivy set her purse down. “Him up there staring at the ceiling, her down here staring at the ceiling.”

“I’m having a hard time sleeping with the vampires out of control,” I said back to them as I cooked the French toast. “Is Nina okay?”

“About what I’d expect.” Ivy sat before her computer, but she was eyeing Trent’s laptop as she typed in her password and everything came alive. “I can’t believe they made Felix the functioning head of the I.S. You heard Edden’s announcement?”

“Up to him asking for everyone’s cooperation. I think functioning is the key word there. We have got to find these jokers before the vampires start targeting one another. You want one or two of these?” I pointed to the pan so she’d know what I meant.

“One is good.” Concern pinched her brow as she looked past me to Jenks, but the pixy was smiling insincerely when I turned to him. “I’m kind of surprised they named names, to tell you the truth.”

“Trent says it was to squelch a rumor of a biological attack.”

“Still, to say it was Free Vampires?” Ivy tapped a pencil against her teeth. “Every living vampire out there is going to be hunting them.”

“Maybe that was the intent. Keep them so busy they can’t make more trouble.”

“I swear, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink,” Jenks said loudly, and I threw the fork at him. “Pixy pus!” he yelped, darting out of the way when it hit the window screen and bounced into the sink.

“Leave her alone, Jenks,” Ivy said as I stomped to the silverware drawer for a new one. Jenks hovered over the sink, darting back when I threatened to bop him with the stainless steel. A cell phone began tinkling, half heard and almost ultrasonic, and I turned my back on him to flip the French toast.

“Towers are back up,” Ivy said, and when I ignored it, she added. “It’s not mine.”

“Well, it’s not mine,” I said. “Jenks, if your kids can’t leave my phone alone—”

“Why do you blame my kids for everything?”

“Because everything is usually their fault.” Agitated, I turned the flame down and went into the back living room to check. “They’re as nosy as their dad.”

“Hey, I’m just pointing things out,” he said, but I’d skidded to a halt, staring at the black-and-silver phone tinkling out its little song on the coffee table. It was Trent’s.

“Rachel?” came faintly from the bathroom, over the sound of the shower. “Can you get that for me?”

Slowly I picked up his phone. That was kind of intimate. What if it was Ellasbeth?

Jenks hovered over my shoulder, his dust making the screen blank out. “If you don’t, he might come out all naked and dripping to get it himself.”

“Rachel?” Trent yelled as it rang again, the sound clearly reaching him through the walls.

“Got it!” I yelled back as Quen’s name popped up.

“Lucky,” Jenks said, and I waved him off.

“Hi, Quen,” I said with a false cheerfulness.

“R-Rachel?” the older man stammered.

“Trent’s in the shower,” I said, hearing the sound of traffic in the background. “Apparently I’m his secretary this morning.”