The Truth

'Okay. Can I write down that you said that I shouldn't write down that you said--' William stopped. The mountain was rumbling. 'Only joking.'

'Haha. And no tapping my officers for information.'

'And no giving dog biscuits to Corporal Nobbs,' said Sergeant Angua. She walked around behind Vimes and peered over his shoulder. "The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret"?'

'Printer's error,' said William shortly. 'Anything else I shouldn't do, commander?'

'Just don't get in the way.'

'I'll make a-- I'll remember,' said William. 'But, if you don't mind my asking, what's in it for me?'

Tm Commander of the Watch and I'm asking you politely.'

'And that's it?'

'I could ask you impolitely, Mr de Worde.' Vimes sighed. 'Look, can you see things my way? A crime has been committed. The Guilds are in an uproar. You've heard of too many chiefs? Well, right now there's a hundred many chiefs. I've Captain Carrot and a lot of men I really can't spare guarding the Oblong Office and the rest of the clerks, which means I'm short-handed everywhere else. I've got to deal with all this and... actively pursue & state of non-bafflement. I've got Vetinari in the cells. And Drumknolt, too--'

131

'But wasn't he the victim, sir?'

'One of my men is tending him.'

'Not one of the city doctors?'

Vimes stared fixedly at the notebook. 'The doctors of this city are a fine body of men,' he said in a level tone, 'and I would not see a word written against them. One of my staff just happens to have... special skills.'

'You mean he can tell someone else's arse from their elbow?'

Vimes was a fast learner. He sat with his hands folded and a completely impassive expression.

'Can I ask another question?' said William.

'Nothing will stop you, will it?'

'Have you found Lord Vetinari's dog?'

Again, total blankness. But this time William had the impression that behind it several dozen wheels had begun to spin.

'Dog?' said Vimes.

'Wuffles, I believe he's called,' said William.

Vimes sat watching him impassively.

'A terrier, I think,' said William.

Vimes failed to move a muscle.

'Why was there a crossbow bolt sticking in the floor?' said William. 'That doesn't make sense to me, unless there was someone else in the room. And it had gone in a long way. That's not a rebound. Someone was firing at something on the floor. Dog-sized, perhaps?'

Not a feature twitched on the commander's face.

'And then there's the peppermint,' William went on. 'There's a. puzzle. I mean, why peppermint? And then I thought, maybe someone didn't want to be traced by their smell? Perhaps they'd heard about your werewolf too? A few jars of peppermint oil thrown down would confuse things a bit?'

There it was, a faint flicker as Vimes glanced momentarily at some paperwork in front of him. Lotto! thought William.*

At last, like some oracle that speaks once a year, Vimes said, 'I don't trust you, Mr de Worde. And I've just realized why. It's not just that you're going to cause trouble. Dealing with trouble is my

* At this point Bingo had not been introduced to Ankh-Morpork.

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job, it's what I'm paid for, that's why they give me an armour allowance. But who are you responsible to? I have to answer for what I do, although right now I'm damned if I know who to. But you? It seems to me you can do what the hell you like.'

'I suppose I'm answerable to the truth, sir.'

'Oh, really? How, exactly?'

'Sorry?'

'If you tell lies, does the truth come and smack you in the face? I'm impressed. Ordinary everyday people like me are responsible to other people. Even Vetinari always had-- has one eye on the Guilds. But you... you are answerable to the truth. Amazing. What's its address? Does it read the paper?'

'She, sir,' said Sergeant Angua. There's a goddess of truth, I believe.'

'Can't have many followers, then,' said Vimes. 'Except our friend here,' He stared at William again over the top of his fingers, and once again the wheels turned.

'Supposing... just supposing... you came into possession of a little drawing of a dog,' he said. 'Could you print it in your paper?'

'We are talking about Wuffles, are we?' said William.

'Could you?'

'I'm sure I could.'

'We would be interested in knowing why he barked just before the... event,' said Vimes.

'And if you could find him Corporal Nobbs could speak to him in dog language, yes?' said William.

Once again Vimes did his impression of a statue. 'We could get a drawing of the dog to you in an hour,' he said.

Thank you. Who is running the city at the moment, commander?'

'I'm just a copper,' said Vimes. They don't tell me these things. But I imagine a new Patrician will be elected. It's all laid down in the city statutes.'

'Who can tell me more about them?' said William, mentally adding 'Just a capper' my bum!

'Mr Slant is your man there,' said Vimes, and thif time he smiled. 'Very helpful, I believe. Good afternoon, Mr de Worde. Sergeant, show Mr de Worde out, will you?'

133

1 want to see Lord Vetinari,' said William.

'You what?'

'It's a reasonable request, sir.'

'No. Firstly, he is still unconscious. Secondly, he is my prisoner.'