The Traveling Vampire Show

Not that Rusty seemed to mind the view.

Inside the house, I said, “If you’d rather do something else, I can go ahead and make our sandwiches. No problem.”

“Sounds good. Any time I can get out of making a meal….” She smiled. “I’ll just go ahead and take my bath.”

Did she have to say that in front of Rusty? He was probably already imagining her in the tub. That’s the kind of guy he was. I know, because that’s also the kind of guy I was. Except not about my own mother. Not about Rusty’s mother, either, you wouldn’t want to imagine her naked. But Slim’s mom was another matter. She looked a lot like Slim, only taller and curvier. Whenever she was around, I had a hard time taking my eyes off her. Slim noticed, too, and seemed to think it was funny.

Rusty watched my mother climb the stairs. If she’d been Slim’s mom in a tiny skirt like that, I would’ve been doing the same thing, so I tried not to let it annoy me.

“We might take a walk into town or something after we eat,” I called up the stairs.

She stopped climbing, turned with one foot on the next stair, and looked down at me. I bet Rusty liked that view.

“So if we’re not here…” I said, and shrugged.

“Just be back in time for supper.”

“What’re we having?” I asked.

“Hamburgers on the grill.” Smiling, she added, “There’ll be enough for your friends if they’d like to join us.”

“That might be neat,” I said.

Rusty, looking embarrassed, shrugged and said, “Thank you. I’ll have to check with my folks, though.”

“We can go over to your place and ask,” I threw in.

“Good idea,” Rusty said.

“I’ll just go ahead and count on the three of you for burgers,” Mom said. “If somebody doesn’t show up, more for the rest of us.”

“Great,” I said.

“Thank you, Mrs. Thompson,” Rusty said.

Around adults, he was always excessively polite. Not unlike Eddie Haskell on Leave it to Beaver, even though he looked more like a teenaged, overweight version of the Beave.

“Come on,” I told him, and led the way into our kitchen. I walked straight to the refrigerator. “Lemonade or Pepsi?” I asked.

“You kidding me? Pepsi.”

I opened the door, pulled out a can and handed it to him.

“Aren’t you having one?” he asked.

“I had a Coke over at Lee’s house.”

He snapped off the ring tab and dropped it into his Pepsi the way he always did. I figured someday he would swallow one of those ring-tabs and choke on it, but I didn’t say anything. I’d already warned him about it often enough so that I suspected he kept on dropping the rings into his cans just to annoy me.

Acting as if I hadn’t even seen him do it, I stepped over to the wall phone.

“What’re you doing?”

“Gonna call Slim, see why she isn’t here yet.”

“Good idea.”

I dialed her house.

As I listened to the ringing, Rusty took a drink of his Pepsi, then went over to the kitchen table and sat on a chair. He looked at me. He raised his eyebrows.

I shook my head.

So far, the phone had jangled seven or eight times. I let it continue to ring in case she was at the other end of her house, or something. I knew the ringing wouldn’t disturb anyone, because nobody lived there except Slim and her mother. And the mother was probably away at work.

After about fifteen rings, I hung up.

“Not home,” I said.

“She’s probably already on her way over….”

Just then came a thump of plumbing, followed by the shhhhh sound of water rushing through the pipes of the house. Mom had started to run her bath water.

Rusty lifted his gaze toward the ceiling—as if hoping to see her.

“Hey,” I said.

He grinned at me. “Maybe Slim’s taking a bath. Has the water running. Can’t hear the phone.”

“Maybe.”

After gulping down some more Pepsi, he suggested, “How about we give her five minutes, then try again?”

“If she’s running bath water, she’ll be in the tub five minutes from now.”

“But she’ll hear the phone,” he explained.

“Not if she’s taking a shower.”

“Girls don’t take showers.”

“Sure they do.”

Leering, Rusty said, “Nah. They just love to lounge in a tub full of sudsy hot water. They do it for hours. By candle light. Sliding a bar of perfumed soap over their bodies.”

“Right,” I said.

“Hey! Just thought of something! How would you like to be Slim’s bar of soap?”

“Get outa here,” I said.

“No, really. Think about it.”

“Shut up.”

“Or would you rather be Lee’s soap? Sliding all over her. Just think of all the places….”

“Knock it off, okay?”

“You’re blushing!”

I turned away from him, picked up the phone and dialed Slim’s number again. This time, I only let it ring twelve times before hanging up.

“Let’s go,” I said.

“Where to?”

“Slim’s house.”

“Want to catch her in the tub?”

“I want to make sure she’s all right.”

“She’s fine.”

“She should’ve been here by now. She’s not taking any bath, not with all those cuts on her back. Maybe a quick shower, but she would’ve been done with that a long time ago and it only takes five minutes to walk here. So where is she?”

“What about our sandwiches?”

“I’m not hungry,” I said. “And you ate a Ding-Dong in the woods.”

“That was hours ago.”

“We’ll get something later. Come on.”