The Tanners

“I was always in the habit,” Hedwig said to Simon in the course of the day, “of treating you somehow as my subordinate. In their dealings with you, perhaps others do, too — you hardly give an impression of intelligence — what people are more likely to see in you is love, and you know pretty well how that’s received. I don’t think you’ll ever have much success in society the way you are and the way you act, but I’m also confident you’ll never trouble your head about this — that wouldn’t be like you, in my experience. Only those who know you will think you capable of heartfelt sentiment and incisive thought — others not. And that’s the rub, the main point, the underlying cause why you’ll probably be unsuccessful in life: A person must get to know you to find you credible, and this takes time. Success depends on first impressions, which will always fail you, but at least this won’t make you lose your composure. Not many will love you, but the ones who do will promise themselves everything from you, and with their liking for you they’ll be simple, good human beings — your foolishness can take you far. There’s something idiotic about you, something unstable, something… how should I put it, lackadaisically foolish — and that’s what will offend many people: They’ll call you impertinent — and having made many harsh, hastily judgmental enemies, you’ll find they might very well succeed in making you hot under the collar. But this will never frighten you. Some people will always seem unkind to you, and to them you’ll look insolent; there will be frictions, you must be prepared for this! And in larger groups of people where it’s important to show oneself to advantage and to stand out by virtue of one’s eloquence, you’ll always keep silent because it won’t appeal to you to open your mouth when everyone’s already jabbering away. As a result, you’ll be overlooked: And then you’ll start to feel defiant and behave inappropriately. Yet some, on the other hand, those who’ve gotten to know you, will consider it a gift to engage in heartfelt conversation with you; you’re skilled at listening, and in conversation this is perhaps more important than speaking. People will happily entrust their secrets and private affairs to a close-mouthed person like you, and in general you’re a master when it comes to discretion in silence and speech — unconsciously, I mean, it’s not as if you need to go to particular trouble on this account. You speak a bit awkwardly, and your mouth, a little ungainly, first pops open and then remains that way until you start to speak, as if you were expecting the words to come flying up from somewhere or other and land there. In the eyes of most, you’ll cut an uninteresting figure: Girls will find you dreary, women irrelevant, and men utterly untrustworthy and ineffectual. See if you can’t change a little in that department, if you’re able. Pay a bit more attention to yourself and be more vain; for being completely free of vanity is something even you will soon have to realize is an error. For example, Simon, look at your trousers: all ragged at the bottom! To be sure, and I know this perfectly well myself: They’re just trousers, but trousers should be kept in just as good a condition as one’s soul, for when a person wears torn, ragged trousers it displays carelessness, and carelessness is an attribute of the soul. Your soul must be ragged too. The other thing I wanted to say to you — You don’t think I’m saying all these things to you in jest, do you? Now he’s laughing. Don’t you consider me just a little bit more experienced than you are? Not at all! You’re more experienced? But if I say that many more experiences still lie before you, isn’t that demonstrating experience? Surely it is—”

For a moment she reflected, then went on: