The Shadows

He blinked and saw her naked in that bed of hers at the Great Camp. “Yeah, I was into you then. Way into you.” Grimacing, he said, “Look, I haven’t handled everything well. I should have told you about the particulars of the s’Hisbe stuff, but I was worried it was going to freak you out and make you want to have nothing to do with me. I’ve lost years of my life imprisoned in that palace, and I’ve ruined iAm’s entire existence—I was not going to lose a shot at you because of that crap on top of all of that. And as for my businesses? They’re not legal according to human laws, but I’ve always believed people have a right to make their living in any way they want, as long as they don’t hurt anyone. That’s why, unlike Rehv, I don’t allow drugs to be sold on my premises. The human women are protected when they’re under my roof, they practice safe sex, and they keep ninety percent of what they make. The ten percent I take goes to my electric bills and my bouncers. So, yeah . . . that’s where I’m at with that.”

She took a deep breath. “I’m really glad you’re being honest.”

“Is there anything else you want to know? As I told you before, I don’t talk about my parents because they’re nothing but biology to me and iAm. They’ve never cared about our welfare. They’ve never been there for us. All along, it’s been iAm and me together, and that’s been enough for both of us. And that’s why they don’t come up.”

Selena came forward haltingly, and sank to her knees beside him on the floor. “Thank you.”

Her eyes were so clear, so blue as they stared up at him.

“For what,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t like showing you weakness. I hate it.”

“It just makes me love you more.” She smiled. “In fact, this honesty right now? Is the single most attractive thing about you.”

Aw, shit. She was going to make him go Kleenex over here.

“I love you so much.” When his voice broke, he cleared it. “More than even my brother.”

“That’s some kind of pledge.”

“Yeah, it is.”

They stayed like that for the longest time, him staring down, her looking up, and in the silence, he realized they had reached the very realest part of who they were as individuals and what they were together. It was the base core of them both, their faults, perceived and actual, on the table, nothing hidden—not her illness, not everything he hadn’t wanted her to know . . . and their eternity was still intact.

Their love had only been strengthened.

“You have been,” she whispered, “the very best part of my life. You’re such a miracle, it almost makes up for my illness.”

“I’m not that big a blessing.”

“Yes, you are.”

He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. Brushed her lips with his. “So . . . you wanna go cook me dinner?”

She nodded, and when he offered his palm to help her to her feet, she put her hand in his, the one with the diamond on it.

Her beautiful hand, with its long tapering fingers and its little wrist.

At first, he didn’t understand why, when he stood up and went to pull, his grip slipped free. “Oh, sorry, sloppy—”

She wasn’t moving.

Selena was exactly in the position of having placed her hand in his, her forearm up, her head tilted so she could meet his eyes, her body on her knees.

The only thing that had changed was the terror in her eyes.

“Oh, no . . .” he said. “No, no, not now . . .”

He knelt beside her, but she didn’t turn her head to him. Instead, her body began to list to the side as if it were solid, falling, falling . . .

“No!” he screamed.

* * *

The next thing Trez knew, he was in the clinic.

He had no idea how he’d gotten there with Selena in his arms, but somehow he must have picked her up from the floor in iAm’s bedroom and made it down all the stairs and through the tunnel and out of the supply closet.

He was vaguely aware of people in his wake. Lassiter, who had probably come out of the billiards room. Tohr, who’d been behind the desk in the office. Another Brother who was limping.

But none of that mattered.

Giving his back to the door into the exam room, he barged in without knocking, his heart thundering, his hearing shot, his brain jammed up with that one word he kept repeating over and over again to himself.

Nonononononononononononononononono—

This couldn’t be happening now, after they’d had that transcendent moment. Not now, when they were supposed to go and have her dance naked around Rehv’s kitchen together. Not now, without him having taken her for that boat ride.

It was too soon, too soon. . . .

Suddenly, it dawned on him that Doc Jane was standing in front of him, her forest-green eyes locked on his, her mouth moving.

“Can’t hear you,” he told her. Or at least, he thought that was what he said.

Goddamn it, this ringing in his ears wasn’t helping.

When the physician pointed at the exam table, he thought, Right, okay. He would put Selena there.

Moving across the tile floor, he approached the place he needed to get to and bent down, intending to lay her flat. Except, no—her body didn’t shift to accommodate the repositioning.

It nearly killed him to ease her onto her side.