The Ribbajack

Four, five, six hours go by. Apart from a small eel and a half-dead roach, nothing decent comes near Roddy’s hook. Little Mickey has lost interest in the proceedings. He’s trying to catch a dragonfly with Roddy’s keep net, but most dragonflies are craftier than most little boys. So Mickey gives up the chase and sits back down with Roddy.

“Do ye not think ’twould be better goin’ home for somethin’ to eat? It’s gettin’ dark now, we could come back tomorrow, eh?”

Roddy Mooney concentrates on his unmoving float. “Sure, ye stand a better chance at the night fishin’. That’s when the big fishes come up to feed.”

Little Mickey’s stomach rumbles like a cart going over cobblestones. “Have ye not got any ould sam-midges under that hat, Roddy? I’m fair famished for a bite!”

“All Ireland Champion Fishermen don’t need food when they’re fishin’,” says Roddy.

Suddenly, out of the dark waddles Bridgie Hennessy, Mickey’s fine big mammy. She fetches him a clout that knocks him sideways, and roars at him, “Where’s the duck egg for your da’s tea, ye Hessian deserter? Where’ve ye been all day an’ half the blessed night?”

Regaining half the sense he had before the clout, Mickey explains, “I been fishin’ for a Nye Add with your man Roddy Mooney.”

His distracted mammy lifts Mickey off the ground by the seat of the trousers. “Fishin’, is it? I’ll fish ye! Your da an’ your twelve brothers’n’sisters have been out scourin’ the country for ye!”

Mickey is hauled off home, keeping up a midair conversation with his mammy. “What’s for supper? I could eat an ould horse!”

They vanish into the darkness, with Bridgie Hennessy bawling like a Mullengar heifer.

“There’ll be no ould horses for you, ye hardfaced melt! A taste of your da’s belt an’ straight up to bed, that’s all you’ll be gettin’ for your crimes!”

Sitting alone in the dark night, Roddy feels happy as a donkey in a strawberry patch as he waits to catch the fish of his life. He wonders if anyone has ever gained the title of Double, Supreme or Majestic All Ireland Champion Fisherman. The summer night is quiet and warm, with not a breeze to stir the calm air. From behind the cloudbanks, a dusty gold moon emerges to dapple the river with pale shadows. Roddy’s eyelids droop. He stifles a yawn and settles his back against the cane hamper. Even All Ireland Champions have to sleep, ye know.

A plip and a small splash close to the bank where he is sitting causes Roddy to wake immediately. He never moves, but directs his gaze to the water, beneath which his feet are hanging over the river edge. He sees the huge flukes of the tail waving enticingly, a mere inch from the surface. Beyond the tail he glimpses a fraction of the thick scaled body underwater, but it is impossible to see more. By the sword of Finn McCool, this is one big fish!

But the dilemma is, how to catch it? The fish is sure to swim off if he makes a sudden move. Roddy Mooney is a grand man for making up his mind quickly in angling situations. He decides the prize can only be taken with a gaff. Now if you’re ignorant as to what a gaff is, I’ll further your education. A gaff is a huge, sharp steel hook, bigger than those you see at the butcher’s with meat hanging from them. The gaff is lashed tight, with stout cord, to a pole. Gaffing is a most unsporting and, in some regions, illegal way of catching fish in freshwater. Gaffs are generally used by poachers to hook fish, mainly salmon, as they leap up to climb waterfalls and weirs. It is a cruel thing, because the gaff usually strikes the fish right through its body. The fish wriggles in agony until the angler dispatches it by striking its head with a heavy object. You have to be skilful and swift with a gaff or you lose the catch.

But Roddy Mooney has to have the big fish. So, keeping still as possible, he reaches behind with one hand, inch by inch. Locating the gaff where it has been lying on the grass behind him (Little Mickey had been using it to dig for worms), Roddy finds the leather strip he has knotted through a hole in the handle. Sliding the strip about his wrist, he takes a good grip of the pole. The fishtail is still waving invitingly, almost touching his boot soles. The All Ireland Champion begins raising the gaff with painstaking care. One strike, that is all Roddy knows he would get the chance of. Slowly, slowly, like a snail climbing a wall, he raises the gaff, until his arm is fully stretched. The wicked steel point of the hook is perfectly balanced, ready to strike.

Roddy Mooney strikes like lightning. However, whatever is under the water strikes back like greased lightning, which is much faster, probably because of the grease. The gaff is seized hard by its curved hook, and Roddy gets hauled, hat over hobnails, into the river. You understand, he has no option but to go, as the gaff is looped around his wrist. Now, you can believe this or believe it not, but it is no big fish which yanks the All Ireland Champion into the drink.