The Return of The Stainless Steel Rat

"No," I responded sweetly. "I just disconnected this." I held up the metal box for them all to see. "Computers can't go crazy because they are not sane to begin with. They are not human. But they can be programmed to appear insane - which is what happened here. With this."

There was a universal gasp, and Trina spoke the thought that possessed them all.

"Programmed? Someone caused all this. But who...?"

"Why not you?" I asked sweetly. "Your boss died in the crash of the shuttle. Perhaps you caused the crash in order to get his job. I looked at your personal record. You're very ambitious..."

"I'm also mechanically illiterate!" She snapped back. "Didn't you see that in my records? I'm an administrator, not an electrician. I couldn't possibly have built that thing."

"True, true," I muttered, then spun on my heel and held the control box in front of Commander Stark's face. "But the commander here is no electronic dummy. His boss also died in the crash. You did it, Stark, to get his job!"

"Are you out of your teeny-tiny?" Stark sneered. "If you had looked at my file you would have seen that I volunteered for early retirement. I should be home by now. The last thing I want is a better position. I just want out."

"Then we have the killer!" I shouted, pointing at the cowering Dr.Putz. "The assistant science officer, so jealous of his superior that he killed him. Then tried to palm me off with a dumb story about how a computer could go mad. He, a scientist, should have known better than to try And ell me that bill of goods. But he knew that someone had programmed the computer to appear mad. Himself!"

"You accuse me!" Putz screamed. "I knew nothing about machines or computers! I am a geologist! Sent here as an emergency replacement. All I know is how to hit rocks with little hammers."

"Then," I said, jaw dropping more than a little. "If none of you did it - who did? Who had the technical knowledge for this job? Who knew the plans of the other rescuers, knew their every move so that he could thwart them...?"

I turned about as I said this - and looked into the muzzle of my own gun.

"That's right, you fool!" Corona sneered, the light of madness now visible in those pig-like eyes. "I did it! Me, the one they laughed at, gave orders to! Well they aren't laughing or giving orders any more. I showed them..."

"Give me the gun," I said, stepping forwards as the others quailed back.

"Take it!" He screamed. And pulled the trigger.

Then he looked down at the gun, pulling the trigger over and over again when nothing happened. My fist caught him hard on the jaw and he slumped to the deck unconscious. I bent and picked up the gun - and smiled.

"Unloaded," I told the gaping audience. "I was sure from the very beginning that someone had programmed the computer to do all this dirty work. And whoever did that programming had to still be aboard the satellite. Therefore, since you were all under suspicion, I could take no one into my confidence. Hence the accusations - and the unloaded gun. Corona seemed the obvious suspect, but I just wanted him to prove it himself."

A ragged cheer began, raising quickly in volume. I smiled and bowed acceptance. Accepting as well the impassioned kisses of the ravishing redhead Trina. All this and two million credits too!