The Ranch

She hesitated for a long time. It was the perfect out. All she had to do was tell him that she was involved with someone else, but she was too honest to do that. She hadn't even bought the wedding band she had planned to. She shook her head as she looked back at him. “No, there isn't, but that doesn't change anything. You have to understand that. I can be your friend, Sam, but I can't give anyone more than that. It's just that simple.”

“I don't understand,” he said, trying not to look angry or as bereft as he felt. But he was so frustrated by what she was saying. “I'm not asking you to make a commitment to me. I'm just asking you to be open, that's all. If I don't appeal to you, if there's nothing there you'd want to explore further, then I understand, but you keep telling me that the door to that whole part of your life is closed, and I don't understand that. Is it the man who died? Are you still mourning him?” Ten years later that seemed unreasonable to him, but who was he to decide that? But she shook her head again as he watched her.

“No, it isn't. I made my peace with Adam's death a long time ago. Sam, trust me, let's be friends. Besides,” she smiled gently at him and touched his hand, “believe me, I'm hard to get along with.”

“You certainly are,” he said as he started the car. She had completely tantalized him, and he hadn't expected that. He had been attracted to her for years, but his feelings had always been in check, and had long since settled into an easy friendship. He had never expected to be completely bowled over by her, and then find that the door behind which she hid had been locked and sealed forever. The very thought of it drove him crazy. And as he drove her home, he kept glancing at her, she was so peaceful and beautiful, she seemed almost luminous as she sat there. She was like a young saint, and he knew just looking at her that she had a remarkable spirit. He kept trying to remind himself that you can't always have everything you want in life, but it seemed incredibly unfair when he thought about Zoe. And when they reached her house, he came around and opened the door for her, and she seemed almost waiflike as he helped her out, and her arm in his hand felt like a child's as he held it.

“Try to fatten up a little at the ranch,” he said with a look of concern, “you need it.”

“Yes, Doctor,” she said, looking up at him with tenderness in her eyes. She almost wished that things could have been different. “I had a wonderful time. You'll have to come and have dinner with Jade and me when I get back. I make a great hot dog.”

“Maybe I should take the two of you out to dinner.” He smiled, wishing he could pull her out from her fortress. He could sense more than anything else about her that she was hiding. He didn't know why, but he could see it in her eyes, and try as he might he couldn't reach her. But he had, more than he knew that night, so much so that she was frightened of him.

“I had a lovely time. Thanks, Sam.”

“So did I, Zoe… and I'm sorry if I pressed you.” He was afraid he might have driven her into hiding even further.

“It's all right. I understand.” She understood more than she wanted to, and she was flattered and touched but unmoved by it. Her own resolve was still stronger.

‘I'm not sure you do understand. I'm not sure I do,” he said sadly. “I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Since medical school actually. Maybe I just waited too long.” He looked unhappy as he stood there.

“Don't worry about it, Sam. It's all right,” she said, and patted his arm, and he walked her slowly to her door. And as they stood there he wished he could kiss her. He wasn't coming to the clinic the next day, but she knew she would see him again before she took off, and she took comfort in that. If nothing else, they could at least occasionally work together.

“I'll see you in a few days,” he said, and kissed the top of her head, and then as she opened the door, he ran swiftly down the steps back to his car, and then he stood there and watched her go in. She turned, and their eyes met for one last time, and then she waved and went inside. And a moment later, she heard his car drive away, and inside the car, he looked dazed by the power of what he was feeling. The evening had been nothing like what he'd expected. But neither was Zoe. And despite all he felt for her, and their old friendship, more than ever, she was a mystery to him.

Chapter 10