The Ranch

“You're doing the right thing then. You don't need me,” she smiled comfortably at him. She was sure Sam would like him too, and she was anxious to introduce them. Sam had been calling her daily, more to talk about them than her practice. And she found she liked it. “You're doing a great job with your patients,” she encouraged John again, and thanked him for his help when she wasn't feeling well. “You know,” she said philosophically, “I have so much empathy for them now,” she was referring to her patients. “I used to think I understood what it was like for them, hearing that death sentence and then waiting for it to strike them. I felt it so much for them. But I still didn't really understand it.” She looked right at him so intensely. “I never knew until it happened to me,” she touched his hand then, “you don't know what it's like, John. You can't imagine.”

“Yes, I can,” he said quietly. “I'm HIV positive too. I'm the patient I just mentioned. We both are. And when we start getting sick, I want to come to you for a consultation,” he said matter-of-factly, and she looked stunned. She didn't know why she was, but she hadn't expected it. He had AIDS, and so did his lover.

“I'm so sorry.”

“It's all right,” he said philosophically, “we're all in this together.” There were tears in Zoe's eyes when she hugged him.

They all had a quiet night that night. Hartley and Mary Stuart spent hours talking, Zoe was on the phone with Sam in her room, and Tanya was at the cabin with Gordon. They were all talking about their plans, their dreams, the things that had happened at the ranch, and how much they wanted to come back here. It had been magical for all of them. And Tanya and Gordon were talking about their plans for the ranch she had just bought. They had all but forgotten the tabloids. He had talked to Charlotte that afternoon, and he was coming to see Tanya in L.A. the following weekend. This was the beginning. And they were both excited about all of it. There was so much Tanya wanted to share with him. He wanted to walk down Sunset Boulevard, see the Pacific, meet her friends, see the studio where she rehearsed and recorded, she wanted to spend the weekend with him in Malibu, walk down the beach with him, and take him to Spago. They were going to do all of it if they could, and two weeks later, she would be flying back to Wyoming to see him.

“I wish I could go with you tomorrow,” he said sadly. “I hate to think of what you have to face alone there.”

“I wish I could stay here,” she said, and meant it. She hated to leave him, this place, and the mountains.

“You'll be back,” he said, pulling her close to him, and she closed her eyes, trying to engrave it on her memory for when she left it. She knew it would never be quite like this again. They would not be in this cabin, sealed off from the world. It would never be this simple again. They would be in their own house, and they would be part of the world after this. It would own a piece of them, and grab whatever it could take from them. Right now, they were safe here, and she loved it. And she hoped that they could re-create some of that at the ranch she had just bought in the foothills.

“I want it just like this,” she said to him, and he laughed.

“Could we have it just a tad bigger, Tanny? I stub my toe every time I get out of bed here.” He was a big man and it was a small house, but he knew what she meant, and he had lots of ideas about it. He had been gathering thoughts for years about a ranch of his own and he knew just what to do now.

They talked late into the night, and made love at dawn, just as the sun came up, and then he wrapped her in a blanket and they went outside and watched the light on the mountains. It was exquisite.

“It's going to be a beautiful day,” he said, “I wish you'd be here with me.” She could hardly bear the thought of leaving.

None of them could. They were all crying as they said good-bye at the bus. Hartley held Mary Stuart in his arms for ages. John Kroner and his friend had come to say good-bye, and they both hugged Zoe and all the others. And everyone applauded when Gordon kissed Tanya right out in the open.

And they all thanked Charlotte Collins when they left. And all three women were crying as they boarded the bus. Mary Stuart stood there forever looking at Hartley. And Tanya hung out the window and warned Gordon to stay away from broncos. He waved his hat at her for as long as he could with his good arm, and Zoe wondered if she'd ever see the place again, while Mary Stuart silently prayed that she'd see Hartley in New York after her trip to London. A thousand questions had been born at the ranch in those two weeks, but they did not yet have all the answers.

And as Tom drove the bus away, they all sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts, thinking of the people and the dreams they'd left there. They didn't talk for a long time, and they kept to themselves. Tom planned to have them in San Francisco at midnight.

Chapter 21