The pillars of creation

Jermsen sat in shock at hearing him say such things, at hearing the tender sincerity, the earnest pleading, in his voice.

"I never knew."

"I should never have kissed you. I know it was wrong. I'm a soldier in the army against oppression. My life is devoted to the cause of helping my people-all people. I don't have anything to offer a woman like you."

She couldn't imagine why he would think he had to offer her something. He had saved her life. "Then, why did you kiss me?"

He gazed into her eyes, looking as if he had to pull words up from some great painful depth. "I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry. I tried not to. I knew it was wrong, but when we were that close, and I was looking into your beautiful eyes, and your arms were holding me, and I was holding you. . I'd never wanted anything so much in my life. . I just couldn't help myself. I had to. I'm sorry.»

Jennsen's gaze fell away. She stared down at the meat pie. Sebastian pulled the familiar mask of composure around himself and sat back down on his saddle.

"Don't feel sorry," she whispered without looking up. "I liked the kiss."

He sat forward expectantly. "You did?"

Jennsen nodded. "I'm glad to hear that it wasn't done out of duty."

That made him smile and eased the tension.

"No duty ever felt that good," he said.

Together, they laughed-something she couldn't even remember doing. It felt good to laugh.

As Jennsen devoured one of the meat pies, relishing the flavorful spices and savory chunks of meat, she felt good again. She hoped she hadn't been too hard on Tom for forgetting about Betty. She had let her frustrations, fear, and anger come out at him. He was a good man. He had helped her when she needed it most.

Her thoughts lingered on Tom, on how good she had felt when she was around him. He made her feel important, feel confident in herself, whereas Sebastian often made her feel humble. Tom had a handsome smile-a different kind of handsome than Sebastian's smile. Tom had a hearty smile. Sebastian had an inscrutable smile. Tom's smile made her feel secure and strong. Sebastian's smile made her feel defenseless and weak.

After she had eaten every crumb of the meat pie, Jennsen wrapped herself in blankets over the top of her cloak. Still shivering, she remembered how Betty had kept them warm at night. In the silence, her sense of gloom returned to haunt her, refusing to allow her to fall asleep, despite her exhaustion from everything she had been through the last couple of days.

She didn't look forward to the forlorn prospect of what the future might hold for her. She could foresee only an endless hunt until Lord Rahl's men finally caught her. She felt empty without her mother, without Betty. She realized that she didn't have any idea where she would go, now, other than to keep running. She had been intent on Althea's help, but even that had proved to be an empty dream. In some distant comer of her mind, Jennsen had held out a spark of irrational hope that going to her childhood home of the People's Palace might somehow hold a favorable resolution.

She shivered not only with the cold, but with the bleak prospect of what the future held.

Sebastian inched his back up close to her, protecting her from the wind. The idea of it being more than duty to him was a comfort. She thought about what it felt like to have his body pressed against the length of her. She thought about the intoxicating feel of his mouth against hers.

His words that had so surprised her, "I've never laid my eyes on a woman as beautiful as you," still echoed around in her head. She wasn't sure that she believed him. Maybe she was afraid to believe him.

The first day she had met him he made several complimentary remarks, the first about how people might say the dead soldier saw a beautiful young woman strutting along and thus tripped and fell to his death, and then "Sebastian's rule," as he called it, giving her the dead soldier's ornate knife, saying beauty belonged with beauty. She had never trusted words offered so effortlessly.

She thought again about the sincerity in his eyes, this time, and how surprisingly tongue-tied and awkward he'd seemed. Insincerity was often smoothly delivered, but matters of the heart were more difficult to express because so much was at stake.

It surprised her to hear that her smile made him feel important. She hadn't suspected that he might feel the same kinds of emotions she felt. She hadn't suspected how good it would feel to have a man like Sebastian, a man of the world, an important man, think she was beautiful. Jennsen always felt graceless and plain compared with her mother. She liked knowing that someone thought she was beautiful.

She wondered what it would be like if he rolled over, right there, and embraced her again, kissed her again, this time with no one around. She could feel her heart pounding at the very prospect.

"I'm sorry about your goat," he whispered in the silence, his back still to her.

"I know."