The Mountain Shadow

At the gravel parking area, Abdullah used the phone. Waiting for him, I looked around at the brooding sky.

‘We might not make it before the storm. It might hit us on the highway.’

‘With any luck,’ she grinned. ‘Say, that was a pretty fast turnaround back there with Silvano.’

‘He’s okay. It was my fault. I’ve got a lot on my mind.’

‘Fuck you, Lin. Why do you do that?’

‘What?’

‘Allude to things on your mind, but then never tell anyone what they are.’

‘That’s a glass house you’re throwing stones at,’ I replied, but she was right, again, and I knew it.

I wanted to tell her. It was all upside down. Lisa and I were lost. Ranjit was attracting bombers. I was leaving the Sanjay Company. Wars had started between gangs and within them, and the only safe place in the city was somewhere else.

‘You should leave town for a while, Karla. I should, too.’

‘Not a chance of that yet, Shantaram,’ she laughed, and walked over to the small shop to talk with the attendant.

Abdullah returned and spoke softly, his head close to mine.

‘Sanjay has paid everyone,’ he said. ‘There will be no trouble. But it is as I expected. I must go north to the brothers in Delhi for at least a week. I must go tonight.’

‘A week?’

‘Not a day less, out of the city.’

‘I’m coming with you. You’ve got enemies in Delhi.’

‘I have enemies everywhere,’ he said softly, lowering his eyes. ‘As I have friends. You cannot come with me. You will leave for Sri Lanka, and complete your mission there, while this matter of the shooting at Leopold’s is resolved.’

‘Slow down, brother. I’m quitting the Sanjay Company, remember?’

‘I told that to Sanjay, and –’

‘You what?’

‘I told Sanjay that you want to leave.’

‘It should’ve been me who told him,’ I said, quietly angry.

‘I know, I know,’ he replied. ‘But I have to leave for Delhi, tonight. I will not be there, when you tell Sanjay, and that would be too dangerous without me. I decided to do it now, to see if his reaction presents any danger to you.’

‘Did it?’

‘Yes, and no. He was surprised, and very angry, but then he calmed down enough to say that if you complete this last mission for the Company, he will allow you to leave. What do you think, Lin?’

‘That’s all he said?’

‘He also said that if you had any family here, they would already be dead.’

‘And?’

‘And that he will throw you to the dogs, very happily, when your mission is completed.’

‘Is that it?’

‘All but the cursing. He is a foul-mouthed man, and he will die cursing, Inshallah.’

‘When do they want me to leave?’

‘Tomorrow morning,’ he sighed. ‘You take the train to Madras. Then you will leave by cargo ship, for Trincomalee. Company men will be waiting at VT station tomorrow morning, at seven. They will have all of your tickets and instructions.’

Sri Lanka, cargo ship, instructions: I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

‘Sri Lanka?’

‘You gave your word, that you would do it.’

‘I did, and I regret it.’

‘After this mission, you will be free. It is a clean way out. I think it is wise for you to agree. I will not be able to remove Sanjay for some time, and this way, you will be safe.’

‘Okay. Okay. Okay, Inshallah. Let’s ride.’

‘Wait,’ he said, leaning in close. ‘In the next weeks of your life, my brother, you must walk and talk very carefully.’

‘You know me,’ I smiled.

‘I do know you,’ he said solemnly. ‘And I know the demon inside you.’

‘Uh-huh?’

‘There are demons in all of us. Some of them do not mean us any harm. They just want to live inside us. Some of them want more. They want to eat the souls that hold them.’

‘You know, Abdullah, I’m not really same-page with you on the demon thing.’

He looked at me for a while, wind-worried leaves drifting in his amber eyes.

‘Hey, it’s okay –’ I began, but he cut me off.

‘I have heard you say that there are no bad or good men. That the deeds we do are good and bad, not the people who do them.’

‘It was Khaderbhai who said that,’ I replied, looking away.

‘Because he heard it from Idriss,’ Abdullah said quickly, and I looked back at him. ‘Every wise thing Khaderbhai said, was first said by Idriss. But in this, I do not agree with Idriss or Khaderbhai or you. There are bad men in this world, Shantaram brother. And in the end, there is only one way to deal with them.’

He started his bike and rode away slowly, knowing I’d catch him.

Karla joined me, and I kicked the bike to life. She got up behind me. That perfume: cinnamon, and pure oud. For a satin second her hair was against my neck.

The engine rumbled, warming. She leaned close, one arm over my right shoulder, and one under my left. Her word-tattoo hand was on my chest.

I heard the music, inside. Home. Home is the heart you’re born to love.

We rode gentle curves and slopes, as the shadow of the mountain that brought us together vanished in the praying hands of trees. I had to brake hard on the dark road to avoid a fallen branch. She fell into me softly and held me. I didn’t know where her body ended, and I began. I didn’t want to know.