The Metropolis

Glared. "Goes down town to board meetings now and then — they tell a hair-raising story about him and old Dan Waterman. He had got up and started a long argument, when Waterman broke in, 'But at the earlier meeting you argued directly to the contrary, Mr. Feather-stone !' ' Did I.''' said Jimmie, looking bewildered. 'I wonder why I did that.?' 'Well, Mr. Featherstone, since you ask me, I'll tell you,' said old Dan — he's savage as a wild boar, you know, and won't be delayed at meetings. 'The reason is that the last time you were drunker than you are now. If you would adopt a uniform standard of intoxication for the directors' meetings of this roa,d, it would expedite matters considerably.'"

They had got as far as the romaine salad. The waiter came with a bowl of dressing — and at the sight of it, the old gentleman foi^ot Jimmie Featherstone. "Why are you bringing me that stuff.?" he cried. '^I don't want that! Take it away and get me some vinegar and oil."

The waiter fled in dismay, while the Major went on growling under his breath. Then from behind him came a voice: "What's the matter with you this evening, Venable ? You're peevish!"

The Major looked up. "Hello, you old cormorant," said he. "How do you do these days.?"

The old cormorant replied that he did very well. He was a pudgy Uttle man, with a pursed-up, wrinkled face. 'My friend Mr, Montague — Mr. Symmes/' said the Major.

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"I am very pleased to meet you, Mr. Montague," said Mr. Symmes, peering over his spectacles.

"And what are you doing with yourself these days.?" asked the Major.

The other smiled genially. "Nothing much," said he. "Seducing my friends' wives, as usual."

"And who's the latest?"

"Read the newspapers, and you'll find out," laughed Mr. Symmes. "I'm told I'm being shadowed."

He passed on down the room, chuckling to himself; and the Major said, "That's Maltby Symmes. Have you heard of him?"

"No," said Montague.

"He gets into the papers a good deal. He was up in supplementary proceedings the other day — couldn't pay his liquor bill."

"A member of the Millionaires'?" laughed Montague.

"Yes, the papers made quite a joke out of it," said the other. "But you see he's run through a couple of fortunes; the last was his mother's — eleven millions, I believe. He's been a pretty lively old boy in his time."

The vinegar and oil had now arrived, and the Major set to work to dress the salad. This was quite a ceremony, and Montague took it in with amused interest. The Major first gathered all the necessary articles together, and looked them all over and grumbled at them. Then he mixed the vinegar and the pepper and salt, a tablespoonful at a time, and poured it over the

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salad. Then very slowly and carefully the oil had to be poured on, the salad being poked and turned about so that it would be all absorbed. Perhaps it was because he was so busy narrating the escapades of Maltby Symmes that the old gentleman kneaded it about so long; all the time fussing over it like a hen-partridge with her chicks, and interrupting himself every sentence or two: "It was Lenore, the opera star, and he gave her about two hundred thousand dollars' worth of railroad shares. (Really, you know, romaine ought not to be served in a bowl at all, but in a square, flat dish, so that one could keep the ends quite dry.) And when they quarrelled, she found the old scamp had fooled her — the shares had never been transferred. (One is not supposed to use a fork at all, you know.) But she sued him, and he settled with her for about half the value. (If this dressing were done properly, there ought not to be any oil in the bottom of the dish at all.)" This last remark meant that the process had reached its climax — that the long, crisp leaves were receiving their final affectionate overturn-ings. While the waiter stood at respectful attention, two or three pieces at a time were laid carefully upon the little silver plate intended for Montague. "And now," said the triumphant host, " try it! If it's good, it ought to be neither sweet nor bitter, but just right. ' — And he watched anxiously while Montague tasted it, saying, "If it's the least bit bitter, say so, and we'll send it out. I've told them about it often enough before."

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But it was not bitter, and so the Major proceeded to help himself, after which the waiter whisked the bowl away. "I'm told that salad is the one vegetable we have from the Romans," said the old boy, as he munched at the crisp

freen leaves. "It's mentioned by Horace, you now. As I was saying, all that was in Symmes's early days. But since his son's been grown up, he's married another chorus-girl. He told me once he'd had over five hundred women in his lifetime!"