The Line Between

I don't know when Andrichev found out, nor how. I cannot even say how we all suddenly knew that he knew, for his shy, growling, but essentially kindly manner seemed not to change at all with the discovery. The music told us, I think — it became even fiercer, more passionate — angrier, in short, even during what were meant to be singing legato passages. I refuse to believe, even now, that any member of the Greater Bornitz Municipal Orchestra would have informed him. We were all fond of him, in our different ways; and in this part of the world we tend not to view the truth as an absolute, ultimate good, but as something better measured out in a judiciously controlled fashion. It could very well have been one of his wife's friends who betrayed her — even one of her playmates with a drink too many inside him, I don't suppose it matters now. I am not sure that I would want to know, now.

In any event, this part of the world offers certain traditional options in such a case. A deceived husband has the unquestioned right — the divine right, if you like — to beat his unfaithful wife as brutally as his pride demands, but he may not cut her nose or ears off, except perhaps in one barbarous southern province where we almost never perform. He may banish her back to her family — who will not, as a rule, be at all happy to see her — or, as one violist of my acquaintance did, allow her to stay in his home, but on such terms … Let it go. We may play their music, but we are not altogether a Western people.

But Andrichev did none of these things. I doubt seriously that he ever confronted Lyudmilla with her infidelity, and I know that he never sought out any of her lovers, all of whom he could have pounded until the dust flew, like carpets on a clothesline. More and more withdrawn, drinking as he never used to, he spent most of his time at practice and rehearsal, clearly taking shelter in Brahms and Tschaikovsky and Grieg, and increasingly reluctant to go home. On several occasions he wound up staying the night with one Grigori Progorny — our fourth cellist, a competent enough technician and the nearest he had to an intimate — or with me, or even sprawled across three chair's in that cold, empty beer–hall, always clutching his cello fiercely against him as he must have been used to holding his wife. None of us ever expressed the least compassion or fellow–feeling for his misery. He would not have liked it.

Sigerson was perfectly aware of the situation — for all his air of being concerned solely with tone and tempo and accuracy of phrasing, I came to realize that he missed very little of what was going on around him — but he never commented on it; not until after a performance in the nearby town of Ilyagi. Our gradually expanding

repertoire was winning us both ovations and new bookings, but I was troubled even so. Andrichev's playing that evening had been, while undeniably vigorous, totally out of balance and sympathy with the requirements of Schubert and Scriabin, and even the least critical among us could not have helped but notice. On our way home, bumping and lurching over cowpaths and forest trails in the two wagons we still travel in, Sigerson said quietly, «I think you may have to speak with Mr. Andrichev.»

Most of the others were asleep, and I needed to confide in someone even the chilly Mr. Sigerson. I said, «He suffers. He has no outlet for his suffering but the music. I do not know what to do, or what to say to him And I will not discharge him.»

Surprisingly, Sigerson smiled at me in the pitch darkness of the wagon A shadowy, stiff smile, it was, but a smile nevertheless. «I never imagined that you would, Herr Takesti. I am saying only — " and here he hesitated for a moment, " — I am saying that if you do not speak to him, something perhaps tragic is quite likely to happen. What you may say is not nearly as important as the fact that he knows you are concerned for him. You are rather a forbidding person, concertmaster.»

"/?» I demanded. I was absolutely stunned. «I am forbidding? There is no one, no one, in this orchestra who cannot come to me — who has not come to me — under any circumstances to discuss anything at all at any time. You know this yourself, Herr Sigerson.» Oh, how well I remember how furious I was. Forbidding, indeed — this from him!

The smile only widened; it even warmed slightly. «Herr Takesti, this is perfectly true, and I would never deny it. Anyone may come to you, and welcome — but you do not yourself go out to them. Do you understand the difference?» After another momentary pause, while I was still taking this in, he added, «We are more alike than you may think, Herr Takesti.»

The appalling notion that there might be some small truth in what he said kept me quiet for a time. Finally I mumbled, «I will speak to him. But it will be no help. Believe me, I know.»