THE LAST UNICORN

"Ah, the boys don't mean no harm, Yer Honor," the giant grumbled good-naturedly. "Cooped up in the greenwood all day, they needs a little relaxing, a little catharsis, like. Well, well, to it, eh?" With a sigh, he took a wizened bag of coins from his waist and placed it in the Mayor's open hand. "There you be, Yer Honor," said Jack Jingly. "It ben't much, but we can't spare no more than that."

The Mayor poured the coins into his palm and pushed at them with a fat finger, grunting. "It certainly isn't much," he complained. "It isn't even as much as last month's take, and that was shriveled enough. You're a woeful lot of freebooters, you are."

"It's hard times," Jack Jingly answered sullenly. "We ben't to blame if travelers have no more gold than we. You can't squeeze blood out of turnip, you know."

"I can," the Mayor said. He scowled savagely and shook his fist at the giant outlaw. "And if you're holding out on me," he shouted, "if you're feathering your own pockets at my expense, I'll squeeze you, my friend, I'll squeeze you to pulp and peel and let the wind take you. Be off now, and tell it to your tattered captain. Away, villains!"

As Jack Jingly turned away, muttering, Schmendrick cleared his throat and said hesitantly, "I'll have my hat, if you don't mind."

The giant stared at him out of bloodshot buffalo eyes, saying nothing. "My hat," Schmendrick requested in a firmer voice. "One of your men took my hat, and it would be wise for him to return it."

"Wise, is it?" grunted Jack Jingly at last. "And who be you, pray, that knows what wisdom is?"

The wine was still leaping in Schmendrick's own eyes. "I am Schmendrick the Magician, and I make a bad enemy," he declared. "I am older than I look, and less amiable. My hat."

Jack Jingly regarded him a few moments longer; then he walked back to his horse, stepped over it, and sat down in the saddle. He rode forward until he was hardly a beard's thickness from the waiting Schmendrick. "Na, then," he boomed, "if you be a magician, do summat tricksy. Turn ma nose green, fill ma saddlebags with snow, disappear ma beard. Show me some magic, or show me your heels." He pulled a rusty dagger from his belt and dangled it by the point, whistling maliciously.

"The magician is my guest," the Mayor warned, but Schmendrick said solemnly, "Very well. On your head be it." Making sure with the edge of his eye that the young girl was watching him, he pointed at the scarecrow crew grinning behind their leader and said something that rhymed. Instantly, his black hat snatched itself from the fingers of the man who held it and floated slowly through the darkening air, silent as an owl. Two women fainted, and the Mayor sat down. The outlaws cried out in children's voices.

Down the length of the square sailed the black hat, as far as a horse trough where it dipped low and scooped itself full of water. Then, almost invisible in the shadows, it came drifting back, apparently aiming straight for the unwashed head of Jack Jingly. He covered himself with his hands, muttering, "Na, na, call it off," and even his own men snickered in anticipation. Schmendrick smiled triumphantly and snapped his fingers to hasten the hat.

But as it neared the outlaw leader the hat's flight began to curve, gradually at first, and then much more sharply as it bent toward the Councilmen's table. The Mayor had just time to lunge to his feet before the hat settled itself comfortably on his head. Schmendrick ducked in time, but a couple of the closer Councilmen were slightly splattered.

In the roar of laughter – varyingly voluntary – that went up, Jack Jingly leaned from his horse and swept up Schmendrick the Magician, who was trying to dry the spluttering Mayor with the tablecloth. "I misdoubt ye'll be asked for encores," the giant bellowed in his ear. "You'd best come with us." He threw Schmendrick face down across his saddlebow and galloped away, followed by his shabby cohorts. Their snorts and belches and guffaws lingered in the square long after the sound of hooves had died away.

Men came running to ask the Mayor if they should pursue to rescue the magician, but he shook his wet head, saying, "I hardly think it will be necessary. If our guest is the man he claims to be, he should be able to take care of himself quite well. And if he isn't – why then, an imposter taking advantage of our hospitality has no claim on us for assistance. No, no, never mind about him."

Creeks were running down his jowls to join the brooks of his neck and the river of his shirt front, but he turned his placid gaze toward the pasture where the magician's white mare glimmered in the darkness. She was trotting back and forth before the fence, making no sound. The Mayor said softly, "I think it might be well to take good care of our departed friend's mount, since he evidently prized her so highly." He sent two men to the pasture with instructions to rope the mare and put her in the strongest stall of his own stable.