The Last Samurai

L: It’s not a particularly difficult language. The alphabet is a precursor to the one in which English is written, and very similar to it.

Now Only is amazed and goggle-eyed not only at the Homerolexic infant; he is goggling as only a man can goggle who has applied Occam’s razor to syllables all his life. He looks at me and asks if he can sit down.

The train pulls into Embankment. I shout ‘No Exit!’ and dart onto the platform, manhandling the pushchair.

L does the same, then dashes down the stairs marked No Exit. I follow my child, a mother following her child. We lurk behind a corner until the train pulls out, then return to the platform and buy a couple of bags of peanuts.

Of course L has not been reading the Odyssey the whole time. The pushchair is also loaded with White Fang, VIKING!, Tar-Kutu: Dog of the Frozen North, Marduk: Dog of the Mongolian Steppes, Pete: Black Dog of the Dakota, THE CARNIVORES, THE PREDATORS, THE BIG CATS and The House at Pooh Corner. For the past few days he has also been reading White Fang for the third time. Sometimes we get off the train and he runs up and down the platform. Sometimes he counts up to 100 or so in one or more languages while eyes glaze up and down the car. Still he has been reading the Odyssey enough for a straw poll of Circle Line opinion on the subject of small children & Greek.

Amazing: 7

Far too young: 10

Only pretending to read it: 6

Excellent idea as etymology so helpful for spelling: 19

Excellent idea as inflected languages so helpful for computer programming: 8

Excellent idea as classics indispensable for understanding of English literature: 7

Excellent idea as Greek so helpful for reading New Testament, camel through eye of needle for example mistranslation of very similar word for rope: 3

Terrible idea as study of classical languages embedded in educational system productive of divisive society: 5

Terrible idea as overemphasis on study of dead languages directly responsible for neglect of sciences and industrial decline and uncompetitiveness of Britain: 10

Stupid idea as he should be playing football: 1

Stupid idea as he should be studying Hebrew & learning about his Jewish heritage: 1

Marvellous idea as spelling and grammar not taught in schools: 24

(Respondents: 35; Abstentions: 1,000?)

Oh, & almost forgot:

Marvellous idea as Homer so marvellous in Greek: 0

Marvellous idea as Greek such a marvellous language: 0

Oh & also:

Marvellous idea but how did you teach it to a child that young: 8

I once read somewhere that Sean Connery left school at the age of 13 and later went on to read Proust and Finnegans Wake and I keep expecting to meet an enthusiastic school leaver on the train, the type of person who only ever reads something because it is marvellous (and so hated school). Unfortunately the enthusiastic school leavers are all minding their own business.

Faced with officious advice feel almost overwhelming temptation to say:

You know, I’ve been in a terrible quandary over this, I’ve been racking my brains for weeks trying to decide whether I was doing the right thing, finally this morning I thought—I know, I’ll take the Tube, somebody on the Tube will be able to advise me, & sure enough you were able to tell me just what to do. Thank you so much, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come along—

So far have been able to resist temptation 34 times out of 35. Pas mal.

When able to resist temptation I say (which is perfectly true) that I never meant this to happen.

TEMPLE EMBANKMENT WESTMINSTER ST. JAMES’S PARK

Etymology so helpful for spelling 2

How did you teach so young a child 1

VICTORIA SLOANE SQUARE SOUTH KENSINGTON

Etymology so helpful for spelling

GLOUCESTER ROAD HIGH STREET KENSINGTON NOTTING HILL GATE

Wonderful

Wonderful

Wonderful

Etymology so helpful

PADDINGTON EDGWARE ROAD BAKER STREET and around and around and around

A man got on the train at Great Portland Street & expressed surprise & approval.

He said his youngest was about that age but of course no genius—

I said I thought small children had an aptitude for languages

He said Was it very hard to teach him

& I said No not very

& he said Well hats off to you both it’s bound to be a big help to him think of all those words heavy weather for the average boy all in a day’s work for this little chap. Hydrophobia! Haemophilia!

The train stopped at Euston Square but no stopping Hats Off— Microscopic! Macrobiotic! Palaeontological ornithological anthropological archaeological!

[King’s Cross but no]

Hats: Photography! Telepathy! [OK] Psychopath! Polygraph! [OK OK] Democracy! Hypocrisy! Ecstasy! Epitome! [OK OK OK] Trilogy Tetralogy Pentalogy! [OH NO] Pentagon! Hexagon! [STOP] Octagon Octopus [STOP]

Enapus

What’ll He Think Of Next [chuckling]:That’s a new one on me

Dekapus