The Last Continent

And, dropping through the middle of it, some of its lamps still burning, the grinning shape of the Roo Beer kangaroo.

'Trunkie! Open up!' Neilette yelled.

'No—' Rincewind began, but she grabbed him and dragged him and in front of him was an opening lid...

The world went dark.

There was wood underneath him. He tapped it. very carefully. And wood in front of him. And w—

'Excuse me.'

'We're inside the Luggage?'

'Why not? That's how we got out of Cangoolie last week! Y'know, I think it may be a magic box.'

'Do you know some of the things that have been inside it?'

'Letitia kept her gin in it, I know that.'

Rincewind felt upwards, gingerly.

Maybe the Luggage had more than one inside.

He'd suspected as much. Maybe it was like one of those conjuror's boxes where, after you'd put a penny in, the drawer miraculously slid around and it had gone. Rincewind had been given one of those as a toy when he was a kid. He'd lost almost two dollars before he gave up and threw the thing away...

His fingers touched what might have been a lid, and he pushed upwards.

They were still in the brewery. This came as some relief, considering where you might end up if you got into the Luggage. There was still the bowel-disturbing rumble, punctuated by clangs and tinkles as bits of rusted metal crashed down with lethal intent.

The big kangaroo sign was well alight.

In the smoke that rose from it were some pointy hats.

That is, the curls swirling and billowing around holes in the air looked very much like the three-dimensional silhouettes of a group of wizards.

Rincewind stepped out of the Luggage. 'Oh, no, no, no,' he mumbled. 'I only got here a couple of months ago. It's not my fault!'

They look like ghosts,' said Neilette. 'Do you know them?'

'No! But they're all mixed up with these earthquakes! And something called The Wet, whatever that was!'

That's just some old story, isn't it? Anyway, Mister Wizard, it might have escaped your notice that the place is filling up with smoke!

Which way did we come in?'

Rincewind looked around desperately. Smoke obscured everything.

'Has this place got cellars?' he said.

'Yeah! I used to play Mothers and Mothers with Noelene in them when we were kids. Look for hatches in the floor!'

And it was three minutes later that the ancient wooden hatchcover in the alley finally gave way under the Luggage's insistent pounding. Several rats poured out, followed by Rincewind and Neilette.

No one paid them any attention. A column of smoke was rising over the city. Watchmen and citizens were already forming a bucket chain and men with a battering ram were trying to break open the brewery's main doors.

'We're well out of that,' Rincewind observed. 'Oh, boy, yes.'

'Hey, what's going on? Where's the bloody water gone?'

The cry came from a man working the handle of a pump out on the street, just as the pump gave a groan and the handle went limp. A watchman grabbed his arm.

'There's another one in the yard over there! Gei a wiggle on, mate!'

A couple of men tried the other pump. It made a choking noise, spat out a few drops of water and some damp rust, and gave up.

Rincewind swallowed. 'I think the water's gone,' he said, flatly.

'What do you mean, gone?' said Neilette. There's always water. Huge great seas of it underground!'

'Yes, but... it doesn't get filled up much, does it? It doesn't rain here.'

'There you go aga—' She stopped. 'What's it you know? You're looking shifty, Mister Wizard.'

Rincewind stared glumly up at the tower of smoke. There were twirling, tumbling sparks in it, rising in the heat and showering down over the city. Everything will be bone dry, he thought. It doesn't rain here. It— Hang on...

'How do you know I'm a wizard?' he said.

'It's written on your hat,' she said. 'Badly.'

'You know what a wizard is? This is a serious question. I'm not pushing a prawn.'

'Everyone knows what a wizard is! We've got a university full of the useless mongrels!'

'And you can show me where this is, can you?'

'Find it yourself!' She tried to stride off through the milling crowd. He ran after her.

'Please don't go! I need someone like you! As an interpreter!'

'What do you mean? We speak the same language!'

'Really? Stubbies here are really short shorts or small beer bottles. How often do newcomers confuse the two?'

Neilette actually smiled. 'Not more than once.'

'Just take me to this university of yours, will you?' said Rincewind. 'I think I can feel a Famous Last Stand coming on.'

There was a brief scream of metal overhead and a windmill fan crashed down into the street.

'And we'd better be quick,' he added.

'Otherwise all there'll be to drink is beer.'

The Bursar laughed again as a series of little charcoal dots extended their legs, formed up and marched down the stone and across the sand in front of him. Behind him the trees were already loud with birdsong—

And then, sadly, with wizards as well.