The Islands of the Blessed

But first they had to settle the problem of the Tanners. 

Chapter Twenty-two SCHLAUP’S BETROTHAL

“You like Mrs. Tanner, don’t you?” said Skakki for the fifth time.

Schlaup shuffled nervously from foot to foot. “Sure,” he said, also for the fifth time. The Bard, Jack, Thorgil, and Skakki were meeting with him in a secluded corner of the secret Northman harbor.

“And you’ve said you want her for a wife,” prompted Skakki. Jack closed his eyes. This had to be the most insane idea ever, trying to get a declaration of marriage out of a tongue-tied lout, but the Bard had said it was their best option. Troll males fell in love only once, and it was clear that Schlaup was besotted with Mrs. Tanner.

“Sure, I want to marry her, but…” The giant wrinkled his browridge in perplexity.

“Well, what?” demanded Jack. They’d been going at this for an hour, trying to extract a response from the bashful lout. If it were up to him, he’d dump the Tanners on a lonely beach and make them walk back to Bebba’s Town. But Thorgil had pointed out that they knew the location of the secret Northman harbor. They would most certainly sell that information.

“It wouldn’t be decent,” Schlaup mumbled.

“Of course it isn’t decent! We’re talking about the Tanners here,” cried Jack, losing his temper.

“Now, lad, we don’t have a lot of choices,” said the Bard. “We can’t free them and we can’t kill them. The only other possibility is to take them along.”

“I know a man in Edwin’s Town who’d buy them as slaves,” offered Skakki.

“Never!” roared Schlaup with more energy than he’d shown so far.

“Then you have to make a decision, big brother,” said Thorgil. “I don’t know what you’re so worried about. If one wife doesn’t work out, you can always get more. Olaf had three—four, if we include your mother.”

“I know how these things are done,” Schlaup burst out suddenly. “Just because I’m not smart doesn’t mean I don’t know how marriages happen. First, the troll-maiden asks you to dance. She brings you presents: elks, bears, that sort of thing. Then she weaves you a cloak out of spidersilk, which she has pulled herself from the spinnerets of a giant spider. Lastly”—he blushed deeply, turning a bright orange—“she drags you into her cave. The next morning everyone looks to see how many scratches she’s left on your browridge.”

Everyone stared openmouthed at the giant. They had never heard him talk so much.

“So that’s the problem,” exclaimed Skakki. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. Schlaup, my brother, humans don’t get wives the same way. That’s why your sisters handed you over to us. You couldn’t talk with your mind, and the troll-maidens ignored you.”

“You don’t have to rub it in,” the giant said.

“I’m not trying to be insulting. You have to learn how to court women the Northman way. Now, Olaf won my mother, Heide, in Finnmark,” Skakki explained. “She was the daughter of the village headman and an important wise woman. He traded many furs for her. She also demanded an amber necklace, silver bracelets, and her own personal wealth-hoard.”

“What about Dotti and Lotti?” said Jack, naming the other two wives.

“They were bargains. Olaf threw them over his shoulders during a raid and made off with them.”

“That’s all the courtship they got?” said Jack.

“Pretty much,” admitted Skakki. Thorgil laughed and the Bard shook his head.

“Don’t listen to them, Schlaup,” the old man said. “A true Northman marriage requires a woman’s consent.”

Schlaup’s ears swiveled forward to better concentrate on the Bard’s words. His eyes closed until only a strip of dark showed between the lids. His lips moved silently. Jack suspected that the giant wasn’t stupid at all but that he had trouble with human speech. He’d spent most of his life surrounded by silence.

“The kind of marriage Dotti and Lotti had was very close to slavery,” said the Bard.

“Olaf was always good to them,” Thorgil protested.

“Olaf was many things. He made toys, he loved music, he played stupid practical jokes, he liked to roll in a meadow like a horse. He was loyal, brave, and kind. But he was also a berserker. He carried Dotti and Lotti away from a burning village after killing their families.”

Schlaup nodded to show that he understood. “Trolls burn villages too,” he said.

“It’s a favorite pastime with bullies all over the world,” said the Bard. “Now, your marriage, Schlaup my lad, should not involve carrying off a shrieking woman. Pillaging is wrong.”

“Oh, bother! And I was so looking forward to Mrs. Tanner’s screams,” said Thorgil.

“You must gain your future bride’s consent,” the old man continued, ignoring her. “I would begin by offering her a share of whatever pearls, amethysts, topazes, amber, and silver you acquire on your travels.”

“What?” cried Jack and Skakki at the same time.

“You should also build her a hall of her own and let her run your affairs while you’re at sea.”

“She’ll rob him blind!” said Jack.