The Hollow

John looked at it unwillingly. For the first time his anger and resentment became subordinated to his interest. A strange submissive figure 5 a figure offering up worship to an unseen deity-the face raised-blind, dumb, devoted- terribly strong, terribly fanatical. … He said:

"That's rather a terrifying thing that you have made, Henrietta!"

Henrietta shivered slightly.

She said: "Yes-I thought that…"

John said sharply:

"What's she looking at-who is it?-there in front of her?"

Henrietta hesitated. She said, and her voice had a queer note in it-"I don't know. But I think-she might be looking at you, John."

Chapter V

In the dining room the child Terence made another scientific statement.

"Lead salts are more soluble in cold water than in hot."

He looked expectantly at his mother but without any real hope. Parents, in the opinion of young Terence 3 were sadly disappointing.

"Did you know that. Mother?"

"I don't know anything about chemistry, dear."

"You could read about it in a book," said Terence.

It was a simple statement of fact but there was a certain wistfulness behind it.

Gerda did not hear the wistfulness. She was caught in the trap of her anxious misery. Round and round and round… S he had been miserable ever since she woke up this horning and realized that at last this longdreaded week-end with the Angkatells was upon her. Staying at The Hollow was always a nightmare to her. She always felt bewildered and forlorn. Lucy Angkatell with her sentences that were never finished, her swift inconsequences, and her obvious attempt at kindliness was the figure she dreaded most.

But the others were nearly as bad. For Gerda it was two days of sheer martyrdom-to be endured for John's sake.

For John, that morning, as he stretched himself, had remarked in tones of unmitigated pleasure:

"Splendid to think we'll be getting into the country this week-end. It will do you good, Gerda; just what you need."

She had smiled mechanically and had said with unselfish fortitude, "It will be delightful."

Her unhappy eyes had wandered round the bedroom. The wallpaper, cream striped with a black mark just by the wardrobe, the mahogany dressing table with the glass that swung too far forward, the cheerful, bright blue carpet, the water colours of the Lake district. All dear familiar things and she would not see them again until Monday.

Instead, tomorrow a housemaid who rustled would come into the strange bedroom and put down a little dainty tray of early tea by the bed and pull up the blinds and would then rearrange and fold Gerda's clothes-a thing which made Gerda feel hot and uncomfortable all over. She would lie miserably, enduring these things, trying to comfort herself by thinking. Only one morning more … Like being at school and counting the days.

Gerda had not been happy at school. At school there had been even less reassurance than elsewhere. Home had been better. But even home had not been very good. For they had all, of course, been quicker and more clever than she was. Their comments, quick, impatient, not quite unkind, had whistled about her ears like a hailstorm: "Oh, do be quick, Gerda." "Butterfingers, give it to me!" "Oh, don't let Gerda do it, she'll be ages." "Gerda never takes in anything…"

Hadn't they seen, all of them, that that was the way to make her slower and more stupid still? She'd got worse and worse, more clumsy with her fingers, more slowwitted, 1 more inclined to stare vacantly when something was said to her. 1 Until, suddenly, she had reached the point where she had found a way out… Almost ^ i accidentally, really, she found her weapon of defence.

She had grown slower still, her puzzled stare had become even more blank. But now, when they said impatiently, "Oh, Gerda, how stupid you are, don't you understand that?" she had been able, behind her blank expression, to hug herself a little in her secret knowledge… For she wasn't quite as stupid as they thought… Often, when she pretended not to understand, she did understand. And often, deliberately, she slowed down in her task of whatever it was, smiling to herself when someone's impatient fingers snatched it away from her.

For, warm and delightful, was a secret knowledge of superiority. She began to be, quite often, a little amused… Yes, it was amusing to know more than they thought you knew. To be able to do a thing, but not let anybody know that you could do it.

And it had the advantage, suddenly discovered, that people often did things for you.

That, of course, saved you a lot of trouble.