The Heavenly Host

“Okay, first, I don’t know any orc shamans, I’ve never even met an orc, and I don’t speak orcish,” Tom told the demon.

“Shouldn’t be a problem, given that we are all speaking Universal,” Tizzy said.

“What?”

“What, you never noticed that demons can talk to people who summon them, no matter the person’s language?” Tizzy began shaking his head. “And you didn’t think that odd? How else would they command us? If they can contact demons, they can communicate with us. Seriously, who would want to learn Denubian the mundane way? You need at least two mouths to speak it natively; Universal takes care of it for us.”

“Is that why the D’Orcs don’t sound like orcs?” Rupert asked suddenly, as if he had just realized something.

“What do you mean?” Antefalken asked.

“Well everyone knows that orcs always talk funny with really stilted, mangled vocabulary. Very brutish like, but the D’Orcs sound like normal people.”

Antefalken laughed. “Orcs only talk like that when speaking foreign tongues. Their jaw structure and tusks make speaking most of the human or alvaren tongues rather tricky. If you talk to them in orcish, they sound very normal.”

Boggy nodded. “So if you were to speak to an orc in Universal, he or she would hear orcish and reply in orcish, but you would hear Universal. They would sound just as normal as the D’Orcs do here.”

“Cool!” Rupert said.

Antefalken shook his head as if in dismay. “Elitist cultures often mock foreign tongues and the way foreigners speak the tongue of the elitists. In fact, the word barbarian comes from the baa-ing noises that sheep make. The elitists who invented the word joked that the foreigners’ home tongue sounded like the bleating of sheep. Hence baa-baa-rian.” He grinned. “And of course, when the barbarians tried to speak the tongues of the elitists, they did so poorly, so the elitist generally assumed the speakers were primitive, ignorant and of lower culture.”

“But if the elitists tried to learn the tongue of the barbarians, wouldn’t they sound equally stupid?” Rupert asked.

“Precisely.” Antefalken said. “However, it is the side with the better historians that ends up dictating who the elitists were and who the barbarians were.”

Tom closed his eyes. Was it possible, he wondered, to change his mind at this moment and decide this was all a dream? He shook his head. “So anyway, I’ll see what I can do about contacting an orc shaman.”

“You know, if we do that, they might be able to help us get glargh already in barrels,” Antefalken said.

“Then we just add the X and mix it up!” Tizzy clapped his lower hands. “Excellent idea! As soon as Tom purchases his warlock, it can get us the X ingredients in that wizard city of his, no problem.”

Tom wandered over to Rupert, who had gone over to the very large fireplace. There was very large spit in it. Had his predecessor cooked his own dinner here? Or his victims? Tom wondered. “Where’s Talarius?” he asked Rupert.

Rupert pointed to the third door leading off the room; there were a total of five, including the one to the hall. “He’s in there; it’s another smaller bedroom.”

“How are you doing with this craziness?” Tom asked.

“Great! Isn’t it amazing how the prophecy knew that you would come here with me, just like we did?” Rupert asked with a big grin.

“Yeah, except I don’t think I’m the reincarnation of some orc god. As I was saying, I have never even met an orc before. Have you?”

Rupert thought for a moment. “No, not met. I saw some in Exador’s army though, from the walls.”

“I don’t know how accurate this prophecy is, or how we could be fulfilling it.”

“But the fact that you were prophesied to come, restart the volcano and have an identical-looking son?” Rupert tilted his head while looking up at Tom and smiled. “How do you explain that?”

Tom sighed. “I don’t. I don’t know anything about prophecies. Or how one could have prophesies or fate when you’ve got gods and demons princes messing around with stuff.” He shook his head. “I’m definitely going to ask about this prophecy. Find out exactly what it is they think I am going to do. I hope I don’t have to conquer a world or something.” Tom thought back over the discussions with the commanders. He turned towards Tizzy back at the table.

“Tizzy?” Tom called. The demon looked over to Tom.

“Darg-Krallnom and Arg-nargoloth both recognized you, and said you used to hang out here with their old master. Yes?”

Tizzy got a slightly awkward look. “Yes...” he said out of one side of his mouth.

“The same dark master that was the dark god who turned orcs into D’Orcs?”

“Yes,” Tizzy said.

“And these guys seem to think I’m the reincarnated version of this dark god?”

“Apparently.” Tizzy shrugged.

“Did this dark god have a name by any chance?” Tom asked as Antefalken started paying attention to the conversation as well.

“Yes,” Tizzy said.

“And that was...?”

Tizzy grimaced. “Uhm, Orcus?”

Boggy and Estrebrius went silent at that. All eyes were suddenly on Tizzy.