The Heavenly Host

“When we then found the vault, we all agreed to see what was inside, even though we were under time pressure.” Tom started pulling on his horns. “We got into a room no one in the Abyss could have gotten into, using mana that no demon should have been able to steal, but that I had been able to, thanks to your cheating! I then use it to free a rod or staff thing, which when I charge it up, starts a volcano. We then march out into an auditorium, through a portcullis that again, no one in the Abyss can open. Where all the D’Orcs are kneeling with the belief that the guy who stole the rod and relit the volcano is their messiah returned!”

Tom let out a loud breath and collapsed into a very nice renaissance-era French chair of his size. “And you seriously think I planned all this?” He stared at the knight.

Talarius was silent for some time; they were all silent. The others were probably surprised by Tom’s outburst, but also reflecting on the improbabilities of the current insanity. Finally, Talarius sighed.

“Well... when you put it like that, it does seem to be outside the range of what a greater demon could do. It’s a bit too devious for a fourth-order, I admit.”

“Thank you!” Tom raised his arms in the air as a sign of victory.

“However, clearly the D’Orcs’ god must be a demon prince, and certainly such a series of events is not outside the range of the devious machinations of a demon prince. And since you’ve now revealed yourself to be their long-lost master, you have therefore admitted to being a demon prince!” Talarius said with a note of triumph in his own voice.

Tizzy started laughing uproariously. Tom let out a soft wail of despair. Boggy also started laughing and Antefalken was shaking his head with a broad grin on his face.

“Have you ever thought of going into politics, Talarius?” Tom asked wearily.

The knight seemed puzzled. “No, why?”

“Because you would make an excellent politician. You can twist any absurd set of facts around until they fit your idea of how the universe should be, without so much as batting an eyelash,” Tom said. “Look, you know that Rupert and I were in the city; you saw us come out over the wall. You scanned the city; did you see any demon princes in your mirror?”

Talarius was quiet for a moment. “No, but you could have been in disguise, hiding your power.”

Tom looked at him. “So you are saying that your mirror, powered by your god, was not infallible? That it could or can make mistakes?”

Talarius was silent and finally cursed. “You demon princes are truly masters of confusion.”

“For the last time, I am not a demon prince. I am a greater demon who really hasn’t been around that long compared to say, Tizzy, Antefalken or Boggy.” If Rupert were not in the room, he would have gladly told Talarius the truth — not that he would have believed it.

“So, the rest of you? What do we do?” Tom asked.

Boggy was the first to pipe up. “Well, we need to work with Zelda’s lot to arrange the party. Out here in the middle of nowhere, that could get challenging. However, Tizzy and I should be able to figure something out.” Tizzy nodded in agreement. “Bard? You know how to throw a good party; you need to be on the committee as well.” Boggy started rubbing his chin in thought. “Got any idea how to get hold of some Denubian traders?”

“Out here?” Antefalken slowly shook his head, thinking. “It’s going to be rough.”

Tom was staring at the three of them in shock. “Are you three serious?”

Boggy looked at him in surprise. “Of course. This is the hinterlands; you expect them to have good food and drink clear the way out here? No, they are going to need professional assistance.”

“You do know that planning the feast was just a way to buy time before they all try and swear eternal allegiance to me?”

Boggy looked puzzled. “Buy time? Why would you want to buy time? I mean the celebration, and having some prep time for such a big event makes sense. But otherwise, why try and put it off?”

“Because that makes me their leader? I end up taking over a giant demonic horde?” Tom asked rhetorically.

“And the problem with that is...?” Estrebrius asked.

“Yeah, I agree. Sounds like a great gig,” Reggie added. “Why would you pass such a sweet gig up?” Reggie’s hands started to drift towards his crotch. “Think of all the big D’Orc booty you could get! Dark lords always get the hottest groupies!”

Tom twisted his head back and forth, trying to stare incredulously at all of them. He finally turned back to Talarius. “You do understand what I’m saying? I can’t go through with this, right?”

Talarius shrugged. “Why do you ask me? This was your plan, right? You led us here, why would you back out now? Are you still trying to convince me that you did not intend this? Obviously, as a spokesman for the Forces of Good, I cannot recommend you form a new evil horde, or for that matter, re-form an evil horde.”