The Erection Set

“That’s more than he said of my literary gems,” Mona told him.

Lagen smiled and ran a forefinger across his hairline moustache. “Mona, dear, we are hardly competitors. It is he with a bent for finance that is interested in the news I report. Is that not true, Mr. Kelly?”

There was an odd note to his tone and his eyes were watching me carefully. “Pursuit of the buck is a necessary evil. I’m always glad to break even,” I said.

“I understand you’ve come back to claim an inheritance.”

I let out a laugh. “Ten big G’s. How did you know about that?”

Dick Lagen tasted his drink, made a satisfied pat at his mouth and said, “My earliest researches were made during the height of the Barrin regime. You’d be surprised how much I know about your family fortunes.”

“Well, as long as I get my ten grand, I’m happy. I never was much of a family man.”

“So I understand. However, ten thousand dollars isn’t much of a nest egg these days. Plan to invest it?”

“Hell, no,” I told him. “I plan to blow it. Money is no good unless you convert it into something useful or pleasurable, anyway.”

“That’s a rich man’s attitude, Mr. Kelly.” That odd note was back in his voice again.

“You’d be surprised how rich a guy with ten grand can be.” I grinned at him and he smiled back.

“By the way, Mr. Kelly. Your name is Dogeron ... D-O-G-E-R-O-N,” he spelled it, “isn’t it?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Unusual.”

“Old-fashioned. Not many of us left.”

“True. I’ve heard it mentioned several times however. Istanbul, Paris ... you have been there, haven’t you?”

“Sure,” I agreed.

“Could it possibly be that it was the same Dogeron?”

Mona gave us both a quick, sharp glance. “Now see here, Dick, if you have something about my friend, don’t go wasting it in your portentous columns ...”

I stopped her with a laugh. “If Mr. Lagen ran across me in those places you could use the items, Mona. I’m a grade-A student of those belly dances and cancan joints. You hit those places, Mr. Lagen, and it’s a real good chance my name came up. I have a reputation of sorts too. You like the fleshpots?”

His hand touched the moustache again to cover up the flesh on his face. Mona laughed and pulled at his sleeve. “Why, Dick, you old roué, you. And here I thought you were always the proper one. Dog, dear, you’re a darling. At last I have something to hold over his head.”

Lagen let out his suppressed laugh and made a faint grimace of embarrassment. “You have caught me red-handed, Mr Kelly. Now my secret is out. I’m a rather shy voyeur. My opportunities to indulge myself are rare and discreet.”

“Don’t worry,” I told him, “your secret’s safe. I’ve already threatened Mona with exposure on one account. I’ll add this in.”

“Remarkable guest you have here, Walt,” Lagen said. “Not at all continental. Good to see you, Mr. Kelly.”

When he left, Walt said, “I hope you didn’t pinch a nerve, buddy.”

Mona tossed her hair and chuckled. “Don’t be silly. He was pleased as punch. And here we all thought he was stuffy. Dog ... what else do you do? You seem to have an odd insight into people.”

“Comes with age, lady. Besides, aren’t all men supposed to be alike?”

“If they were, you wouldn’t be with one of my age. As you told me, why don’t you pick on somebody your own size? I see any number of covetous female eyes turned in this direction. Take him around, Walt. I’m anxious to see how he can deal with all those professional little things flaunting their wares. Ah, me, for the days of firm tits and thighs again.”

“Quit kidding, Mona,” I said. “Experience more than makes up for it.”

“Get him out of here before I attack him, Walt.”

When she walked off squealing at the two current TV stars, Walt said, “Some woman.”

“Yeah.”

“Just don’t let her fool you. She’d blow the whistle on her own grandmother if there was any gossip in it. No social conscience. Same thing with Lagen. He considers himself the great crusader these days. Some senator tagged him the fiscal watchdog of unscrupulous industry and he’s trying to live up to the name.”

“What’s he doing at a bash like this?” I looked around the room. “They’re hardly his type of people.”

“As you so ruthlessly uncovered, Dick’s a girl watcher. He still gets a kick out of the show business crowd. You meet everyone?”

“Pretty much.”

“You got all the guys jumpy. They have their territory all staked out and now they’re waiting to see which one is going to get his claim snaked out from under his nose.”

“Where’s Lee?”

“Out at the bar lining up a couple of in-town celebrities to do guest shots on TV commercials. What’s he so rattled about?”

“Beats me.”

“He acted like he was afraid to leave you alone. I thought you were the big brother type in the old days.”

I grinned at him. “Lee worries too much. He ought to get married.”

“Look who’s talking,” Walt said. “Incidentally, who are you going to lay your paws on tonight. Even I’m interested. They’re all available, you know. Well, almost all.”

“Oh?”