The Dark Tower

But her mind had not rested there. She had begun to be afraid for Winn, and with all her heart she longed to see him justified. What had he ever done that he could be judged? He had loved her, spared her, guarded her. He had made, he was making, inconceivable sacrifices for her. He was killing not only his own joy, but hers rather than do her what he thought a wrong.

She sat on a footstool in front of Miss Marley’s wood fire, frowning at the flames. Miss Marley watched her cautiously; there was a good deal she wanted to say, but she hoped that most of it might be said by Claire. A very careful talker can get a good deal expressed in this way; impressions, to be permanent, must always come from the person you wish to impress.

“Miss Marley,” Claire began, “do you think it matters what people think?”

Miss Marley, who invariably rolled her own cigarettes, took up a small silver box, flattened the cigarette-paper out carefully, and prepared to fill it before answering. Then she said:

“Very few people do think; that is generally what matters — absence of thought. Speech without thought is responsible for most people’s disasters.”

“But it can’t matter what people say if it isn’t true, can it?” Claire persisted. “I mean — nonsense can’t count against any one?”

“I’m rather afraid it does matter,” said Miss Marley, lighting her cigarette. “Nonsense is very infectious, and it often carries a good deal of weight. I have known nonsense break people’s hearts.”

“Oh!” said Claire in a rising breath. She was wondering what it was like to have a broken heart. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that she was going to have one, half of one; but what really frightened her was that the other half was going to belong to Winn.

“Could any one,” she said under her breath, “think any harm of him? He told me you knew all about us, and that I might talk to you if I wanted to; but I didn’t then. There didn’t seem anything to say. But now I do want to know; I want to know awfully what you think. If I asked him, he’d only laugh or else he’d be angry. He’s very young in some ways, you know, Miss Marley — younger than I am.”

“Yes,” agreed Miss Marley; “men are always, to the end of their lives, very young in some ways.”

“I never thought,” Claire went on breathlessly, “that people would dream of blaming him because we were together. Why, it’s so stupid! If they only knew! He’s so good!”

“If he’s that,” said Miss Marley, smiling into the fire, “you’ve succeeded in making a saint of a Staines, a very difficult experiment! I shouldn’t advise you to run away too much with that idea, however.”

“It isn’t me; it’s him,” exclaimed Claire, regardless of grammar. “I mean, after what Maurice said this afternoon — I don’t know how to put it quite — I almost wish we’d both been bad!”

Miss Marley nodded. She knew the danger of blame when a tug of war is in progress, and how it weakens the side attacked.

“How can I explain to people,” Claire went on, “what he’s been like? I don’t know whether I’ve told you, but he went away almost directly he found out he cared, before — long before he knew I cared, though he might have known; and he left a message to tell me about his wife, which I never got. But, oh, Miss Marley, I’ve never told him, I should have come if I’d got it or not! I should really, because I had to know if he cared! So you see, don’t you, that if either of us was wicked it was me? Only I didn’t feel wicked; I really felt awfully good. I don’t see how you’re to tell what’s right if God doesn’t let you know and people talk nonsense.”

“It’s not,” agreed Miss Marley, dryly, “particularly easy to know.”

“And his wife doesn’t care for him,” Claire went on. “Fancy Winn’s wife not caring for him! Poor woman!”

“Why do you pity her?” Miss Marley inquired with interest.

“Well,” said Claire, with a sudden dimple, “I was only thinking I shouldn’t like to be Winn’s wife if he didn’t care for me; and then I was thinking that if he didn’t, I’d make him!”

“Well, that effort doesn’t seem required of you,” said Miss Marley.

“No, but it only shows you that I’m much the most wicked, doesn’t it?” asked Claire, with some pride.

“The points against Winn,” Miss Marley said gravely, “are his age, his experience, and his wife. I feel bound to tell you that there are points against him.”

Claire frowned.

“Winn isn’t really old,” she explained, “because he’s only done things all his life — games or his work; it hasn’t been people. People make you old, especially when you are looking after them. He’s never really grown up; and as for experience, I don’t think you experience anything unless you care about it. It hurts me sometimes to hear him talk about his wife. He’s never had her; he’s only had me. I don’t explain very well, but I know it’s true, because he told me things about loving which showed me he’d never had anything before except dogs — and Peter; and Peter’s awfully young, and dogs can’t answer back. You can’t grow up on dogs.”