The Dark Tower

“What’s that he says? What’s that he says?” roared Sir Peter. “Something the matter with his lungs! That’s the first time a Staines has ever spoken of his lungs. The boy’s mad. I don’t admit it! I don’t believe it for a moment, all a damned piece of doctors’ rubbish, the chap’s a fool to listen to ’em! When has he ever seen me catering to hearse-conducting, pocket-filling asses!”

Charles was home on a twenty-four hours’ leave — he stood by the mantelpiece and regarded his parent with undutiful and critical eyes. “I should say you send for ’em,” he observed, “whenever you’ve got a pain; why they’re always hangin’ about. Look at that table chock full of medicines. ’Nuff to kill a horse — where do they come from?”

“Hold your infernal tongue, Sir!” shouted Sir Peter. “What do I have ’em for? I have ’em here to expose them! That’s why — I just let them try it on, and then hold them up to ridicule! Do you find I ever pay the least attention to ’em, Sarah?” he demanded from his wife.

“Not as a rule,” Lady Staines admitted, “unless you’re very bad indeed, and then you do as you like directly the pain has stopped.”

“Well, why shouldn’t I!” said Sir Peter triumphantly. “Once I get rid of the pain I can do as I like. When I’ve got red hot needles eating into my toes, am I likely to like anything? Of course not, you may just as well take medicine then as anything else, but as to taking orders from a pack of ill-bred bumpkins, full of witch magic as a dog of fleas, I see myself! Don’t stand grinning there, Charles, like a dirty, shock-headed barmaid’s dropped hair pin! I won’t stand it! I can’t see why all my sons should have thin legs, neither you nor I, Sarah, ever went about like a couple of spilikin’s. I call it indecent! Why don’t you get something inside ’em, Charles, eh? No stamina, that’s what it is! Everybody going to the dogs in motor cars with manicure girls out of their parents’ pockets — ! Why don’t you answer me, Charles, when I speak to you?”

“Nobody can answer you when you keep roaring like a deuced megaphone,” said Charles wearily. “Let’s hear what the chap’s got to say for himself, Mater.”

Lady Staines read Winn’s letter out loud in a dry voice without expression; it might have been an account of a new lawn mower which she held beneath it.

“I’ve managed to crock one of my lungs somehow, but they say I’ve got a chance if I go straight out to Davos for six months. Ask the guv’nor if he’ll let me have some money. I shall want it badly. My wife and the kid will go to her people. You might run across and have a look at him sometimes. He’s rather a jolly little chap. I shall come down for the week-end to-morrow unless I hear from you to the contrary.

“Your affectionate son, “WINN.”

“I think that’s all,” said his mother.

“What!” shouted Sir Peter. He had never shouted quite like this before. Charles groaned and buried his head in his hands. Even Lady Staines looked up from the lawn mower’s letter, which she had placed on the top of Winn’s; the medicine bottles sprang from the table and fell back again sufficiently shaken for the next dose.

“Do you mean to tell me!” cried Sir Peter in a quieter voice, “that that little piece of dandelion fluff — that baggage — that city fellow’s half baked, peeled onion of a minx is going to desert her husband? That’s what I call it — desertion! What does she want to go back to her people for? She must go with him! She must go to Davos! She shall go to Davos! if I have to take her there by the hair! I never heard of anything so outrageous in my life! What becomes of domesticity? where’s family life? That’s what I want to know! and is Winn such a milk and water noodle that he’s going to sit down under it and say ‘Thank you!’ Not that I think he needs to go to Davos for a moment, mind you. Let him come here and have a nice quiet time with me, that’s what he wants.”

“That’s all very well, Father,” said Charles. “But what you mean is you don’t want to fork out! If the chap’s told to go to Davos, he’s got to go to Davos, and it’s his own look-out whether he takes his wife with him or not. Consumption isn’t a joke, and I tell you plainly that if you don’t help him when he’s got a chance, you needn’t expect me to come to the funeral. No flowers and coffins and beloved sons on tombstones, are going to make me move an inch. It’ll be just the same to me as if you’d shoved him under with your own hand, and that’s all I’ve got to say, and it’s no use blowing the roof off about it!”

“You’d better go now, Charles,” said Lady Staines quietly.